(Closed) First post… I have a question…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

How close are you to the one year mark? Maybe that is his only hang up and once you hit that it’ll be full steam ahead. 

He is kind of sending mixed signals though, and I can see where you would be confused when he says he’s planning a proposal but he’s not ready to propose yet. Is your guy big on planning in general?

Post # 4
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MissTexasFire:  I think your SO may truly want to marry but at the same time just want to be together a bit longer before taking a huge step. He very well may purchase a ring, plan a proposal and not ask for 6 months…until he feels ready which may be after the year marker. 

Post # 5
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

If your one year anniversary is close, maybe it’s coming soon. Even if it’s not, maybe he’s planning the proposal so that, when the timing is right, it’s all set and ready to go the moment he feels it’s time. 

Post # 7
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissTexasFire:  First of all, welcome to the Hive!!  We’re happy to have you.

I think he’s being very mature and wise to wait for the one-year mark of your relationship to propose.  If this is what he’s comfortable with, then be patient until he’s ready.  He’s already told you he wants to marry you and you know it’s coming.  The fact he wants to get past the one-year mark is a sign of his being a wonderful, trustworthy and committed future husband. 

Trust me, bad men are the ones who rush you,  the good ones can be patient and let things unfold naturally. 

Just relax, enjoy your relationship and don’t pressure him.  You only want him to propose to you when he is 100% sure.  He will love and respect you even more deeply if you give him the respect of allowing him to be ready – and propose when he is ready.  He’s already made a committment to you.

Hang in there!  It’ll be here before you know it.  😉

Post # 9
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissTexasFire:  In response to your second post, just because he agrees with what someone told him about “knowing someone through all the seasons” does not mean he is doing it only because of that.  Honestly, my best friend told me the exact same thing and I agreed with her.  Maybe your SO heard that, took it to heart, thought it through on his own and came to the conclusion he also agrees with it.  That’s pretty normal for people to do.

If you pressure him you might blow it.  If you make him think his decision to wait is “silly” he may feel disrespected.  Don’t go there.  I would take him at his word if I were you.

Post # 11
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Maybe because as you stated, you’re “courting” rather than dating, he feels the pressure to talk about marriage, despite not truly being ready?  The expectation immediately was that marriage would be the end result of your relationship, so maybe he doesn’t want to admit that he has doubts as this would be contrary to what you two had intended from the beginning?

Post # 13
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissTexasFire:  He is not teasing you or playing games by doing that.  He is letting you know the proposal is in the works and he’s thinking things through.  Sounds like you have a really great man there. 

I know it’s hard to wait but just hang in there.  Treat him as you would like him to treat you, and all will be well.

P.S.  Also, marriage is a very serious committment and a lifelong (hopefully) relationship.  He is just making sure you both are ready for this big step in life.  Keep talking with him and be respectful of his viewpoint and listen to his answers.  If he says he doesn’t know, rest assured he’s thinking about it.  Let him know that you are very, very sure of him and you’ll wait patiently until he catches up. 

(This process has been known to be called, by me, the male-stupid-brain-delay-syndrome  but please don’t repeat that, ever to any man, lol.  Women always know much sooner than men do that they are the ONE.  He already knows you are the ONE but he just needs time to process it.  Don’t worry!!)

Post # 14
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My SO and I have been together for almost 2.5 years and we have been looking at rings for over the last year even though he isn’t ready. He and I are like you and your SO, we do not believe that divorce is an option. He knows he wants to marry me, he is just waiting for the right time, which unfortunately for me isn’t now. He watched both of his brothers go through some tough times with their ex-wife and current wife, respectively. (One brother is divorced and one is married to a crazy lady)

Enjoy the time you can spend together and knowing the fact that you want to be together for th rest of your lives. The rest will fall into place when it is supposed too.

Post # 16
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014


Things sound really good for you guys. I don’t recommend it often, but you might check out the Shut It Up pact (not being rude–seriously, do a search!) Basically it works best for bees who know with a pretty great certainty that it’s coming soon, and it will help to keep you from inundating your SO with wedding talk, which might make him a little skittish while he is trying to decide what to do. Up til the point I knew for sure he was going to marry me, I made it a point to bring it up now and again, but after I knew he had bought the ring…I shut it up. I wanted the proposal to be his thing, without any pressure from me. And though it took him three more months, I got an unforgettable proposal story, and the knowledge that he was willing to go through all that to be with me. Which made my certainty that this was the right thing to do all the greater.

To pass the time, why don’t you start a Wedding Pinterest? Just don’t tie it to your facebook, and no one has to know!

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