Post # 1
After reading the 2+ Carats/Personal Safety thread, I’m finally going to make my first post. It’s something that’s been on my mind, so I’m just going to put it out for you Bees to share your wisdom!
Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been talking engagement a lot in the past few months, and it seems like a definite possibility for us. His grandma – a wonderful woman who I’ve become very close with – has passed down a 3.0 ct, stunning ring to him from his late great-grandmother. For as large as the stone is (and I never thought I would want something so sizable on my size 4.5 finger), it is in a very simple setting with only one baguette on either side and has a large, oval cut that sits reasonably flat to the finger. Between the history of the ring, his grandma explicitly stating that it is for him to propose to me with, and my affinity for the ring itself, it’s become what I envision my engagement ring to be.
However: Boyfriend or Best Friend has concerns about the practicality of a 3 ct ring, as well as the safety concerns that you all have stated. He has hinted to me that he likely intends to purchase a smaller ring for these reasons. I’m not opposed to a smaller stone in general, but all the talk and even trying on of the inherited ring has caused me to become somewhat attached to it. Would it be inappropriate of me to let him know that, as valid as his concerns are about wearing his great grandmother’s ring, I would still prefer it because of the history and how gorgeous it is? This way he wouldn’t have to take on the cost of purchasing a new ring, and he would be guaranteed that he proposes with a ring that I love.
So what do you think: Let him know I prefer the inherited ring, or let him take his own course?
Post # 3
I’m not super familiar with the concerns that have been discussed (haven’t read the other thread) I think that you could mention to him how much you love that ring. There’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe there is a middle ground somewhere – maybe he proposes with that ring and that is ‘your ring’ but you have another that is more practical and for every day use, if that was the concern?
*Was the concern losing it, theft, what? Just wondering! 🙂
Post # 4
I am not sure I understand the saftey reasons?
Do you work in a shop?
It can be insured so if it does get lost it can be replaced. And that is the risk no matter how big or small your ring is.
Let him know what you prefer. There is no shame in that.
If he is THAT worried than you can get a duplicate ring to wear most days and wear the real ring for weekends and special occasions, but in reality I do think if its given to you to wear, wear it. Its not the crown jewels.
Post # 5
I would definitely let him know you prefer that ring. It sounds beautiful, it has special meaning, and its FREE. Sounds like a winner to me. As for the personal safety stuff… perhaps suggest to him that you get a nice wedding band that you can wear on an “everyday” basis and the engagement ring could be more like for special occasions? Or if he’s concerned about you wearing it even during the period of your engagement, suggest perhaps a simple eternity “proposal band” (another bee here got that but for the life of me I’m blanking on her name) that you could wear for “everyday” and wear the heirloom ring only when it is safe. Then you could either use your proposal band as a wedding band or get another band as a wedding band and switch off or wear 2 bands together when you dont want to wear the e-ring.
hive– help me out here…. who was the bee who had a rose gold eternity proposal band then designed her own art deco e-ring with an heirloom stone and got a separate plain wedding band? She has a maquerade themed wedding I *think* around Halloween 2010. Help?
ETA- I figured it out! Jack-O. You can see her proposal band and 2 wedding bands here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/wedding-bands-are-here-check-pix
and her engagement ring here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/e-ring-porn-pix-kind-of-sort-of-–-lol
Post # 6
I think you should talk to your boyfriend about the ring because you should get one that you feel happy with! If he feels better about it, maybe he can still buy the other one for when you are out in places that he feels are unsafe or that he would worry about.
Post # 7
If you love the ring tell him how u feel. Are you a band person? Some people dont even wear the engagement rings after their married. You could get a uber fab wedding band which you where all the time, and only bring the engagement ring out for special occasions.
Post # 8
@lefeymw: The safety concerns were about theft, mugging – basically inviting unwanted attention, especially as we’re in NYC. I can understand that, but much as I want to accept it, I can’t stop thinking about the ring, how well it suits me, and how thrilled his grandma looked when I tried it on.
Something else I just now realized: This ‘smaller ring’ thing may be a ploy by the Boyfriend or Best Friend to throw me off the trail of a proposal with the inherited ring, but I just don’t know! From all of your advice, I think I’ll just take a page out of his book and tell him in a subtle way that I really have my heart set on this ring. Guess, in the long run, I’ll just have to wait and see!
@MASPA: I’ve actually heavily considered this option! I currently wear my mom’s half-eternity yellow gold wedding ring from her not-so-successful marriage with my dad as a right hand ring. I’m sort of a rough-and-tumble girl, so I think I could be totally happy with a daily wedding band and reserve the heirloom just for special occasions.
You guys are making this so much clearer of a decision! Thank you so much for your advice!
Post # 9
@CorgiTales:Wow, that art deco heirloom she designed is gorgeous!
I agree with all the others. I think if you express it to me him the way you expressed it here there’s no way he could be hurt or take offense. Maybe let him pick out your wedding band or a great right hand ring.
Post # 10
@MissElizabeth: As for THAT safey concern, I would say that the average size of a ring in NY is closer to yours, so you will not be a target more than usual. As opposed to, say, if you lived in Minnesota.
Post # 11
@kala_way: I think you’re totally right. He’s such a family-oriented guy that he’ll absolutely understand my desire for this particular ring. He’ll also be totally stoked that he still gets to surprise me with SOMETHING (read: mystery wedding band/right hand ring).
For anyone who wants a little ring porn in their day, this is the closest I can find to the object of my affections: http://www.tacori.com/Engagement-Rings/2575Rehearsal Dinner9 . Only difference is that the center stone is touch more oval (though still oriented horizontally) and the band is thinner/simpler.