- 7 years ago
First of all, I’ve been lurking on Weddingbee for way longer than I care to admit and I have no idea why it took me this long to find the waiting board, but I am SO THANKFUL I did! This is really the first time I’ve had the courage to admit to anyone how crazy I’m going…
Background: SO and I have been together for 5.5 years. I followed him to LA from Nashville (where I grew up and always thought I would settle down at) 2 years ago and we have been living together ever since. We’ve been talking about getting engaged for over a year and we went and looked at rings this past November. I got my family’s heirloom engagement ring at Christmas and brought it back for him to use. He keeps saying he wants to marry me blah blah but his actions just don’t seem to reflect his words.
He is a bartender and in school so he keeps citing money as his excuse as to why it hasn’t happened yet. (Which to me is really no excuse because bartenders in LA make pretty decent money…) AND I’ve found a setting that costs $300…$300! He makes that in ONE NIGHT sometimes at the bar! I’ve also told him more recently that I don’t even care if we get a new setting and I’d be fine with the setting the diamond is in now. (AKA a free ring for him to propose with.)
Now. This is where the real crazy in me comes in. A few weeks ago, he left a reciept from his bank on the table at home, and I looked at it. (I know, I know.) He only has $250 in savings. $250 freaking dollars and he’s supposedly been saving last summer. Since then, every time I see him buy things that aren’t totally neccesary, I have just gotten so angry and resentful. Like, thinking to myself “Oh really? You NEEDED that massage you got last week?” And last week I went super-psycho and checked his e-mail and he hasn’t once reached out to any of the vendors that I’ve sent him my setting “picks.” (I know it was wrong to check his e-mail. I feel really guilty about it. But I had to know) I also know he’s not planning some big sneaky surprise because he keeps the family ring on his freaking bedside table so I know it’s still there and hasn’t been sent off somewhere to get set.
Two weeks ago, we went to Hawaii and he had the nerve to tell me that he was going to propose while we were there but it “just didn’t work out.” I didn’t even know what to say. Like, thanks for telling me that we were THAT CLOSE I guess? It’s gotten to the point where I am actually, legitimately depressed over this. Also, my two best friends have both gotten engaged this year (both of them have been with their SO’s for less time too.) which makes things way harder because I’m helping them plan their weddings when I feel like I should be planning mine.
I really love him so much and I want to marry him so badly because I want to start a family and build a life with him, etc. I just feel like it’s never going to happen and I’m so lost as to what I should do. Its gotten to the point where I’m actually questioning whether or not he means anything he says in regards to our future, and I know that’s not fair to me or him, but I can’t help it. I’m terrified that my depression/resentfulness is going to be really detrimental to our relationship, which I love so much. I’ve already noticed myself being more irritiable and less willing to let little things go and I don’t want to be that person! What do I do to get over this? Should I set myself a “deadline” and force myself to move on if he doesn’t make it? Should I keep pushing the issue? Should I go see a therapist? (Hah.)
Phew – long first post! Thanks for letting me rant! I would appreciate any feedback/advice/commiseration that I can get from you ladies. Again, I’m so glad I found this board!! Looking forward to relating to all of you!