(Closed) First post in TTC! Lots of mixed feelings and confusion…

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 4
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

*raises hand* I know the feeling!

The truth is, there is no “right” time to start a family. Sometimes you need to just take a deep breath, and dive in! My Darling Husband has been ready for kids since shortly after the wedding. I’ve been hesitant, but I finally realized – we’re not getting any younger (29 and 30) and it could take a while to get pregnant. So we’re trying! I still have moments of panic, but I’m happy with the decision. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I totally know how you feel! I am 28 now and I have baby on the brain.  Unlike you, I don’t have a job right now.  Have been trying to find one for a year now without any luck.  Thankfully my Fiance makes enough to take care of us, but I wish that I were further in a career.  It seems everyone around me has children or is having children but I don’t feel like I can be ok with having a baby right now.  I have always had this irrational fear that I’m not able to have a baby. Why? No idea, I’ve been feeling this way since high school.  I’m just afraid if I push it off too long, I will find that I have a hard time getting pregnant and eventually it can be too late.  So trust me, you aren’t alone!

Post # 7
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ladybird:  I’m nowhere near having a baby but I can totally understand what you’re feeling. I’m 29 and back in NYC, I have 1 friend with kids (but she lives in philly) and 1 married friend and that’s it. Everyone else is pretty much single. After we get married I’ll be 30 and I think we will probably start trying about a year after that and I STILL am worried about what people are going to think because I know none of our friends will be there yet.
I’ve also wondered…”will something click?” because some people just reallllly want to have babies and even though I know I want kids, I don’t feel that pull that seems to drive some people. I asked a friend of mine who is a bit younger and is married to an older guy (I’ve since moved out of NYC so the crowd is a bit different) if she felt ready to have kids and she said that she didn’t feel ready until she started trying. It took her over a year to get pregnant and by then she was just really happy to be able to do it. So I think the process of trying makes people want it more. I hope!! Good luck to you!

Post # 8
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ladybird – lol, everything you wrote is exactly how I feel! My Mom and my sister both were able to have kids no problem, my sister could get one on the first shot! So I feel like I’m just worrying about nothing and will be the same, but I still have that nagging feeling that something is wrong and I don’t want to start too late.

I don’t feel “successful” enough to have a baby.


This is definitely how I feel. I went to college and have a degree and the fact that I’m not using it gets to me.  A little background info: My Mom has always had bad views of men and raised me to be someone who doesn’t rely on men for anything (yet she is living off my dad right now, that’s a whole nother story 🙂 ) The fact that my Fiance is taking care of me bugs me, I wish that I could contribute more, I feel guilty I leave it on him.  But who knows, even if I did have a job, maybe we might decide it would be better if I become a Stay-At-Home Mom.

Post # 9
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m 9 weeks pregnant and both Darling Husband and I are still totally freaked out. We knew it was time because I will be 35 in October and if we want more than one, we gotta get moving. So we said we’d start right after the wedding and we did but the whole time we were like, “agh! why are we doing this?!” We are super excited but totally terrified as well…. it will NEVER not feel scary and there is never a perfect time. 

Post # 10
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@travellingfool – congrats!

Post # 12
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ladybird – it’s weird, I figured more people would say that, but the people I figured would, tell me otherwise.  I usually hear “there is never a good time” and “if you keep waiting until you are ready you’ll never be.” I think at this point it might be one of those times where you make a list of the pros and cons, or more like reasons to have them and reasons to wait. (think I’ll try this) 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ladybird:  Hi Hi! I am in the same boat. Just got married, just 28, in a big city, don’t know anyone my own age who is TTC… (DH is older so his friends have kids). 

Anyway, we started TTC this month as we both felt like we are as ready as we are ever going to be, if that makes sense? I mean no matter how perfect your life might be, a baby has a way of turning it on its head. Another factor for us were that I have very irregular cycles and a doctor said it would probably take us a while to fall pregnant. Given that we both just thought, lets try now as we don’t really know how long it could take.

I know you can’t talk to your friends about it but provided you and your Darling Husband are on the same page I am sure you will make the right decision!

 

Post # 14
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I say wait about 4 more years and EVERYONE you know will have kiddos…Darling Husband is from a big city and he used to brag that all his buddies weren’t getting married until 28-29 b/c they were still party-animals.  Now 4 years later, they all have at least 1 kid, some just had #2 and he always says “wow, how long have I been gone?” since he left his hometown. 

I got bit with the baby bug at 27…actually it was considered kinda “older” for my area especially since I had been married a few years.  Still TTC #1 so I personally don’t ever advocate anyone “waiting” since I’ll be 37 by the time I have the first.  And yes, I still get worried about having one but I’ve had A LOT of time to think about it 😉

Post # 16
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ladybird:  I’m not at the TTC stage of my life yet, but I just have to say…

 

I TOTALLY understand being terrified of pregnancy and giving birth. I’m TERRIFIED of both. I hate pain, I hate hormones, I don’t know how anyone does it AT. ALL.

 

The way I figure, once I’m pregnant, it’s out of my hands and I’ll have no choice… HA!

Sooo I’m just going to TTC when it’s time and freak out AFTER I’m pregnant, but then have no choice…. yeah.

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