- Mrs. Harmony
- 9 years ago
I’ve been a long time lurker here, probably at least 6 months I’ve been coming on WB boards. My reason for not signing up is because I wasn’t sure if I should be considered a “waiting bee” since my BF is still not sure yet if I’m “the one” or not. It seems that most of you have boyfriends who know they want to marry them, and it’s a matter of waiting for the ring, proposal, more money, etc. For me, it’s not a matter of “when”, it’s a matter of “if”. It really is discouraging to realize that I haven’t even completed the first hurdle yet. We are 31 and 37 years old, both with successful careers.
We have a strong relationship and we survived a LOT in our 18 months together. Illnesses, unemployment, family losses, etc. Last fall, we were fighting a lot and took a break for 4 weeks. During those 4 weeks, everything transformed and now we love and appreciate each other more than ever. I feel we grew a lot during our time apart.
He’s so wonderful and I just simply adore him. Yet, he can’t talk about marriage or the future beyond 3 months or so. We are taking a vacation in June, but all references to me moving in, marriage, etc. are all met with a litany of excuses to why he is unsure.
He says that we could grow and change. He says in 30 years, he won’t be the same person he is today. He says we haven’t spent enough time together for him to know, and we haven’t been through enough tough times (which is INSANE because we have both experienced challenging life events together and I believe that’s why we are so compatible). He also thinks we won’t have enough money to have a child, due to college expenses. He even said that my drive to work would be too far if I moved in with him. Umm… I am a Nutritionist! I’m pretty sure I can find a job in the CITY where he lives!!! Clearly, these are excuses.
When we aren’t talking about marriage, we are wonderful together. The reason I stay is because I have a “walk away” date where if I don’t get solid answers about our future, I will have to move on. In the meantime, I am truthfully enjoying myself in this relationship.
My BF is so intuitive. He said the other day that he knows that if the relationship does not move forward, I will get bored and move on. He said he knows that he needs to make up his mind soon before I grow to resent him. This completely came up b/c we were talking about a mutual friend who is 34 years old and is still waiting for her BF of 5 years to propose. One thing I am thankful for, is that my BF “gets it”. He even acknowledges I have a biological clock. Ya think?
As much as I feel I don’t “belong” here, I wanted to share and introduce myself. Oh yeah, waiting for a proposal sucks, as does waiting to see if you are going to be the one or not!!!