Post # 1
Hey fellow brides & wives,
I finally decided to stop lurking and start joining in on the wedding conversations here. My fiancé and I have had a whirlwind romance and he proposed to me after only 1.5 months of dating. By the time we’re married, we’ll have been together for a over a year. I have no doubt in my mind that he is the man I want to spend forever with.
But…for some reason the wedding planning isn’t jiving for me. I’m trying to get into it because I know things need to get done, but I’m feeling very dispassionate about it. I think it’s because my mom passed away Nov. 2010 and aside from buying a house, this is the first big thing I’m going to do without her. I mean, this is a major milestone in my life…and I have no mom to help me, or share with me, or gab with. It’s…tough.
One part of me just wants to run up to the justice of the peace and do it…so that it’s not a big ordeal. Another part of me knows that this is supposed to be the best and biggest day of my life and I want it to be grand. Sigh…
Just based on the countless episodes of Say Yes to the Dress I’ve seen where the bride’s mom has passed away…I…just can’t do that. Dress shopping is what I’m LEAST looking forward to.
Are there any other mom-less brides out there with tips on how to get through all of this? I should probably add that I’m also an only child and she was a single parent. Allllll alone….yep. 🙁
Thanks for your advice.
Post # 3
@traciemae: I’m so sorry to hear all of that. I would hate it if my mother died.
Something to think about though– my mom and I butt heads a lot. She went crazy when I said I wouldn’t be getting my dress from an outlet store. She has been going on with plan after plan that I don’t like. I love her to death, but I want my wedding to be my way and she can’t accept that. You don’t need someone there to help you plan your wedding, just you and your FI! Be happy for what you do have, not sad for what you don’t.
Post # 4
Haha! That’s so true @RoxiRose. My mom and I hadn’t really bumped heads much since I was a teenager (oh those teenage years), but I understand what you’re saying.
And you’re also right about focusing on what I do have. That’s awesome advice. I’ve been imagining my wedding as a sad day…because my mom won’t be there. But it’s going to be the start of my new life with my husband, so it should be a celebration.
I’m gonna give a try…it’s all a process.
Post # 5
My mom and father are passed. Though my mother passed when I was very young, I sometimes feel a slight ting of jealousy when I hear co-workers talking about spending time with their mothers. I have never known a relationship like that.
On the other hand, I can relate. My father and I were very close. It will be six years this March. I never “dream planned” my wedding day, but I did used to daydream about what my father would say to me before or after the ceremony durring our special moment, and now I’ll never know.
I wanted to elope. Like I said, I had never dreamed about it anyway. It just wasn’t a big deal to me. I was certain my Fiance would be on board. Even though this is my first, this will be his third. …No way. He had never had a big wedding where his family attended and said he wanted to do things right this time and wants his family there, both of our families there. Yay! (sarcasm) I was less than thrilled.
And the first few months of planning, it was irritating. I didn’t want to do it, and I didn’t care about any of the details. I just kept thinking about the dress I had picked out, expecting he wouldn’t have fought me at all on eloping in Vagas. Hmmmm…. so I went to him with every question. “Do you want to have an indoor or outdoor wedding?” “Does it matter if it’s by water?” “What do you want to wear?” “oh, really? then what are your groomsmen wearing?” “no they are not.” I may not have wanted to do any planning, but I couldn’t have him embarressing me! and in front of everyone! Everyone would have assumed I planned it that way! So I got to it. I did the research online, and the price checking, and the bringing everything together, but it was about what he wanted, and although alot of people might see that as bi-est, Making this the wedding of his dreams has really gotten me excited and on board with the wedding planning. I have a good idea of his vision, and I’ve even started making decisions without him. And I’m even excited about getting a dress now- I want one that will knock him off his feet! I’ll be shopping with my best friend.
Post # 6
I am in US by myself due to grad study. It is not the norm by US standard (different culture and background), but I am having fun with dress shopping with my fiance and his family. I became to know his preference (same as we shopping for his outfit). There’ll probably no tears when he look at me in wedding dress and dolled up, but planning the wedding with him is much more worth it.
Note: I noticed that he have more opinion and more involved whenever I put his previous thoughts and opinion into part of our planning.
Post # 7
My mom passed away 6.5 years ago. I thought the wedding dress process was going to be tough, and in some ways it was. But I had my aunt (who im really close to), my sister and my two cousins come with me. The day was so much fun and it was a great experience. It was nice to have those that I was closest to with me that day. While we did shed a couple tears over the perfect dress and my mom not being there. There was just too much happiness to be too sad.
I say, grab your closest cousins/aunt or best friends and make a happy day of it! Enjoy it! Try not to think too much about not having your mom there (though I know that’s easier said than done as she will always be on your mind), but there’s too much in life to celebrate and be happy about!! i wish you luck dress shopping 🙂