(Closed) First post-question about school+engagement

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I definitely see your point, I would get engaged though. I think it’s great that you’re taking your parents advice and feelings into consideration especially with them helping pay for school. But you’re going to law school, it’s going to be a while before you are 100% financialy stable. And part of being engaged is helping your SO, my finace and I started splitting all our bills 50/50 right when he moved it before we got engaged. I’m sure since you guys are a great match that he won’t mind helping pay for things since you’ll be his sugar mamma once you graduate Wink. Do you think your parents will understand? You’ll graduate before getting married so that should make them happy but I don’t think a long engagement is going to affect your school very much.

Post # 4
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Well, if you’re not going to get married until you graduate anyways, then it’s not going to make too much of a difference if you wait to get engaged. I do see where your parents are coming from – it would seem odd to me to be engaged and yet still completely financially dependent on your parents. Seems like you get their point also. I would just tell your SO that you can’t wait to graduate and marry him, but since you know the wedding won’t be happening till then anyways you’d prefer to hold off on the engagement until closer to that time, because you’d feel a bit weird about being engaged but stil having your parents support you and pay for everything, but right now you do need/appreciate their help financially.

Post # 5
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Talk to your parents and do whatever it is that they want you to do.  If you won’t get married until after school anyway, then it doesn’t really matter waiting a few years to get engaged.  You do not want to pay for law school on your own.  It’s worth waiting if that is what your parents want to do.  Do pretty much whatever you need to do to keep your parents happy and paying for your tuition–it’s worth it.

Your parents may be ok with you guys being engaged if you’re not getting married until after school anyway–if they aren’t, explain to your SO that while you love him, you’d prefer to wait to get engaged so that your parents will continue paying for school.     Remind him how awesome it will be to get married debt-free.  Remind him that you guys as a couple will have to pay back your student loans if you can’t wait a little while to get engaged and isn’t it worth several tens of thousands of dollars to wait a few months?

Post # 7
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Dizbee: Well, it sounds like you two are being very smart and realistic about it, even though sometimes being realistic isn’t much fun! So I think you know it doesn’t make much sense to have two of you trying to live off savings and loans instead of just one. I agree with zomgwut that you should basically do what your parents want for now to keep them happy and paying your tuition, that’s extremely generous of them!

Post # 8
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’d probably wait given your circumstances. Being engaged doesn’t mean much since you’re not getting married for several years anyways. You can be fully committed without a ring.

There’s no significant benefit to an engagement but there’s a good chance you’ll upset your parents. I don’t see any reason to risk that when you’re dependant on their support. It would be different if you weren’t dependant on them but you are.

Post # 9
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

would it offend you if he asked your parents permission to get engaged? Maybe that would help your parents understand what you guys are thinking and keep them happy?

Post # 10
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Getting engaged while you’re still in law school is fine. You obviously are a mature adult and understand the reality of life when it comes to finance so you know that it’s not easy out there. I think being engaged is kind of nice – showing that committment to one another through the hard times (law school + the financial situation it puts you guys through) and when you get married it will be truly a wonderful celebration!

Post # 12
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

We are in a similar boat, besides the fact that I am a P1 (pharmacy) and he already has a job. My parents don’t pay for anything, so I have scholarships and loans. I was lucky enough to get a full ride tuition-wise in undergrad, so I have minimal loans there, but professional school is going to really rack up the debt. Unfortunately, it can’t be avoided.

Here is my perspective, take it as you will: SO and I have been together for over EIGHT years, and living together for 3.5. We always talked about how we were okay with putting things on hold until I graduated from pharmacy school and got a job and was able to start paying off my loans. This was when I was still in undergrad. It seemed like the logical, rational thing to do.

Recently, we both came to realization that we are sick of putting life on hold all the time. THIS is life, and we are living it. So, we are choosing to balance being financially responsible with LIVING. We know that we cannot afford the wedding we want until I am out of school or nearly out of school, and that’s okay. But we are sick of WAITING to tell the world that we are committed beyond girlfriend and boyfriend, so recently we started ring shopping, and found the one. So, we will be engaged within the next year (I got to pick it out but he gets to surprise me), and not getting married for 2-3 years after that.

Some people think that being engaged is worthless unless you are planning a wedding. I think differently. Just like a first date leads to regular dating, leads to exclusive dating, leads to boyfriend girlfriend….these are all special and distinct periods of one’s life, and engagement is no different. If we can be bf/gf for 8 years, why can’t we be fiance/fiancee for 3? I am looking forward to enjoying that time as its own separate part of my life.

Post # 13
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@pharmy: I agree with that!

Post # 14
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My opinion is that you don’t sound like you’re in a rush yet, so I would wait. Especially since your parents are funding you and that is what they would want. 

I’m sure you’ll make the best decision for you though 🙂

Post # 16
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Dizbee: You sound like me in undergrad! I worked, even though I didn’t really need to, and saved everything. I ate ramen when I didn’t need to, gave up a lot of things because I felt like I *should* save. Then I got to pharmacy school and realized. WOW, I am going to be in SO much debt (which, hopefully won’t be that much considering the salary I will earn once graduated), my little bit of savings isn’t even going to make a dent in it. It was then I decided to let my hair down a little, and not feel so utterly GUILTY for spending money on things I don’t absolutely NEED once in a while. It was around then that we decided that maybe engagement wasn’t something we should or wanted to put off until graduation.

I think you should go with whatever works for you, your parents, and your SO. If you feel the way I feel about engagement, that it is a next step and not just a placeholder for being married, I would explain that to your parents and go from there 🙂

The topic ‘First post-question about school+engagement’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors