First pregnancy and my best friend is stealing all of my experiences.

posted 2 weeks ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
@spookybride:  Wow…it’s SUPER bizarre that she created a registry, I’ve never heard of anyone doing this but the actual expecting parents!! I would have another very clear and blunt conversation telling her exactly what you’ve said in this post. Tell her clearly that you feel that she is taking away from the experience and you need her to stop ASAP! Also, congratulations on your pregancy!!!

Post # 3
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Santa Barbara, CA

Wow that’s really messed up.  For one, she shouldn’t be announcing your pregnancy, that’s so rude, I’m sorry you have to go through that.  

  I would try talking to her one more time, be honest and don’t worry about hurting her feelings. If she still doesn’t listen I would cut contact with her and let her know you’ll be working on your registry when you’re ready, and if she’s a true friend she’ll understand and come around & apologize.  

  I would be so mad about her announcing your pregnancy, that and creating a registry has been one of the few things that has helped me feel like I have some control during this pregnancy.  (And I haven’t officially announced yet, and I’m 24 weeks) I love being able to pick what I think is best for my baby, I can’t imagine someone trying to do that for me.

 

Post # 4
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

This is very bizarre behavior. My bff can be overbearing and too involved, but I can’t even imagine her pulling anything like this. Is she going through something personally that might explain this behavior? Not excuse it but explain it. Anyone with any sense of intelligence knows announcing is up to the couple and it’s not their place to get involved. And making a fake registry is creepy and weird.

Post # 5
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

Wow that’s so crazy! I’m really sorry. 
I would have a heart to heart with her and tell her how this behavior is making you feel. Maybe she’s trying to do something nice because she’s so excited but it’s definitely overstepping. If she continues, you’ll have to get firm that it’s not okay.

Post # 6
Member
4110 posts
Honey bee

I would have the store take it down as it is a fraudulent registry.

Post # 7
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You’ve explained it to her nicely and she hasn’t listened, so now it’s time to explain it to her not so nicely. Tell her she is not allowed to tell anybody about your pregnancy, and as a result of her inability to keep it a secret, you won’t be sharing any other details with her. This is your pregnancy and it is only your news to share.

As far as the registry, tell her you will not be using it as you haven’t decided where you want the registry to be or what you want to have on it. She needs to stop making your pregnancy about her and you need to let her know that now. She is not going to get better if you don’t put your foot down now.

Also, congratulations!!!!

Post # 8
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

All I can say is that I’m very sorry you’re experiencing this, and you’re being a lot more gracious than I would even consider being. I know you say she’s been like a sister to you, but this behavior is, as PPs have pointed out, beyond bizarre and unacceptable. 

I’d have had some very choice words with her by now and honestly wouldn’t care if I hurt feelings. This is just nuts.  It’s literally your body. 

Post # 9
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

I would have lost my mind if my friend announced my pregnancy before 12 weeks ESPECIALLY if you had difficulty conceiving. I’m sorry but this is borderline friendship ending for me. How dare she do that! I am livid for you. 

I agree with the PP who said to call the store and have the registry taken down as fraudulent. 

If you want to even continue this friendship (I wouldn’t), you seriously need to have a conversation with her before she makes a social media post announcing your pregnancy. She has no idea about boundaries and honestly isn’t trustworthy as she’s telling people about your pregnancy. Time for some tough love bee!

Post # 10
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@frenchie0586:  Agree that this friendship would be over for me too, to be honest. 

Post # 11
Member
13048 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I would not tolerate this from anyone and frankly can’t imagine a friendship with someone who would dream of behaving this way. Tell, don’t ask her to take down the registry or contact the store. Let her know she’s crossed the line and that if she refuses to respect your wishes you will be forced to reconsider the relationship.

But to be honest, I’d be there already.  

Post # 12
Bee
322 posts
Helper bee

Congratulations on your pregnancy, OP!

Holy shit, this is… strange. I mean, my friends and I are quite overly involved in each others’ lives (we have established boundaries, of course) but this is another level. How could she possibly not realize how damaging her actions are? This isn’t excitement, it’s boundary-stomping nonsense, and she needs to be made aware. This kind of behavior is not okay. 

“Friend, I understand your excitement, but your behaviors surrounding my pregnancy have been over the line. Hinting at my pregnancy to get people to ask, then subsequently telling them, is an incredible violation. You are not responsible for making my registry: SO and I will make all decisions in regards to that. You’ll be taking yours down. You’ve not been proving yourself to be trustworthy with this very sensitive information, and therefore, won’t be getting any more of it.”

Like some PPs, I know I would definitely have a hard time being friends with someone after this.

Post # 13
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Are you communicating with her clearly? I have a hard time believing you’re good friends with someone who would run around telling your pregnancy news if you told her not to, or who wouldn’t take down a registry if you told her to. 

For instance, saying that she keeps hinting to mutual friends seems to indicate you didn’t shut that crap down the first time. 

It seems weird that you thanked her for the registry and said it wasn’t necessary instead of saying “take it down”. Instead of coming across as “this is inappropriate, you’ve crossed a line”, it reads like you told her “thanks for going above and beyond”.

You aren’t responsible for her behavior, but when someone does something you find hurtful or irritating, it’s on you to speak up. If you let behavior become a habit/ pattern, you’re partially responsible for allowing it to continue.

 

Post # 14
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

That is so weird for her to make a registry on your behalf, how can she possibly know what you need/want without consulting you? Why would she think this was helpfully or a good idea? Does she have kids of her own?

i would definitely just ignore her registry and make my own.

Post # 15
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

She has no boundaries and is way over the line and acting a little crazy. You need to establish healthy boundaries with this relationship because you she sure isn’t. 

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