First pregnancy and my best friend is stealing all of my experiences.

posted 2 weeks ago in Pregnancy
Post # 31
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

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@spookybride:  so sorry youre going through this. I would highly encourage you to have her stop. Even if she is close, even if she is happy for you, this is about you and your partner. 
I had a difficult time trying to conceive and when I found out, i only told my sisters. My sister, whom i adore, was wanting to go overboard about my baby way before he was born and i had to tell her that it was much appreciated but my husband and i wanted to just be cautious and take it all in as well. she actually understood, and shared a lot of joy when he was born and she got pregnant. nothing wrong or selfish to express your needs

Post # 32
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I agree with all the other bees. I’d also caution you to not allow her to attend your birth!

Post # 33
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

Don’t be so polite. Straight up tell her that you want to make your own registery because that is part of YOUR experience. Also tell her that sharing your pregnancy news is inappropriate and that she broke your trust. It sounds like she is bored AF and is living vicariously through you.

Post # 34
Member
10352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Any sane adult knows better than to announce someone else’s pregnancy that they have not yet announced. 

I wouldn’t tell her anything else. If she asks I would flat out say “I don’t feel comfortable discussing my pregnancy with you anymore.”

Post # 35
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2021

Your friend is giving me the “Single White Female” vibe with this. I’d cut her off from further communication until she gets the point that this is your baby and you decide when and how to do all of these things she’s is doing. Telling people you’re pregnant behind your back is a flat-out disrespect to you and your partner. Agree with PPs, this is so bizarre to make a registry and have the items sent to HER house??? I mean WTF. The only “helpful” thing should could do regarding a registry for you, is to share her previous registry from her pregnancy with you, to maybe give you ideas of products she recommends. That is it. No more than that. 

Post # 36
Member
7325 posts
Busy Beekeeper

From the title I was expecting some sort of ‘stealing my thunder’ complaint. But this–this is nuts, Bee. Your friend is completely out of line and all of this comes off a little bit creepy. 

Shut down that registry and have a direct conversation with her about how she has hurt you. And stop the information train. She can’t share what she doesn’t know. 

Congratulations to you and your husband! This should be a happy time. 

Post # 37
Member
4057 posts
Honey bee

Not that you needed to hear it again, but your friend is way out of line and being super weird. I think you need to put your big girl pants on and be blunt. You shouldn’t have to hide the truth from a friend because they are sensitive, especially when she is not being remotely sensitive to your feelings by sharing your news or ignoring your wishes on your registry. It is also not normal for someone else to make your registry. You should pick those items yourself, and you get discounts to stores when you make them. Its honestly one of the fun things to research and do as a first time parent, and its really not cool she did that. I hope you can manage to be straight up with her and nip this in the bud. I would also suggest getting the registry password or have her completely delete the registry. People will find it via Google and use it.

And congratulations on your pregnancy! 

Post # 38
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Another echo, but I agree with everyone that your friend is way over stepping. Hopefully she’s just over excited but it’s important that you voice your feelings so that no hard feelings fester or make this experience negative for you.

I think a simple text should do the job and doesnt have to be super confrontational. “Hi friend, I’m so glad you’re excited about the baby but my husband and I really look forward to making our registry together as it’s a special moment for us. So no need to do that, but feel free to save your ideas for your own future baby! Also, I’ve heard you’ve told quite a few people about the pregnany which to be honest was quite hurtful because again, that’s something my husband and I look forward to telling people ourselves. Please don’t tell anyone else as we are only telling those right now that we want to know.”

If she doesnt get the message then, a more forceful conversation is needed. Maybe flat out even say “Why are you telling people about my pregnancy when I told you not to? This is very hurtful and makes me lose trust in you as a friend.”

Post # 39
Member
2382 posts
Buzzing bee

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@CloverBells:  OP has already tried the “nice” conversation. It did not work. I hope OP can have the harder, very firm conversation soon.

Post # 40
Member
787 posts
Busy bee

I hate to say this but it almost sounds like she’s trying to live vicariously through you. Kinda creepy imo. 

Post # 41
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee

What a bizarre and inappropriate situation. I agree with pp that the time for niceties has past. 

“friend, I want to believe that your heart is in the right place but the fact remains that I’m very disturbed, not to mention hurt, by your behavior. I want you to take down the registry you made for me immediately and stop telling people about my pregnancy. I also feel the need to ask if you’re okay? Your behavior isn’t just rude and insensitive — it’s deeply alarming. Is something going on with you?”

Post # 42
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@spookybride:  this is so intrusive and aggressive of her! I’m so sorry, I would be angry too! I think you’ll have to be extremely firm with her and tell her she MUST respect your feelings and boundaries. I’m sorry she’s putting you in the position of having to scold and hold boundaries!

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