(Closed) First public fight with best friend, is it to late to fix this toxic friendship?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3340 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Take a deep breath.  Everything is going to be ok.  People fight.  That’s a part of life.  Even when you find the love of your life and get married, you’re still going to fight with each other.  Try to keep things in perspective.  When you feel the need to shout and call names, ask yourself what you really want?  Stop and think, “What do I really want in this situation?  Do I want to yell and make her feel bad?  Or do I just want my friend to listen and commiserate with me?  How would I need to act to get what I really want here?”  I don’t think it’s ever too late to try and repair a relationship.  I didn’t talk to my father for 5 years, and now many many years later, we have a great relationship and he’s walking me down the aisle in 12 days.  So keep your chin up.  I know in high school everything bad that happens feels like it’s the end of the world.  But it’s really not.  Your whole life is ahead of you.  You won’t even remember these silly spats 10 years from now.

Post # 4
1849 posts
Buzzing bee

Agree with pp. Take a breath, step back and STOP texting her!  Do what the principal told you to do.  They see this stuff all the time and it is amazing what a 24 hour break can do.  Let it be for tonight.

It is good that you are working with a counselor.  Keep at it, do your very best to learn to control your temper and you would be surprised what can be fixed.

Post # 5
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Keep your distance from your friend. Is this friendship severed for good? No one can tell you that – but it will be if you continue down this very destructive road. You are tearing at your friend’s insecurities when you get angry and you’re calling them horrible names. No amount of shrugging and “I’m angry” is going to erase that damage. If your friend has similar fighting patterns, I hope she’s also in counseling.

Are you around other people who fight like that? Do your parents have arguments like that?

Relationships and friendships ebb and flow, come and go. You’ll find throughout your life that you grow closer to some and more distant from others. Some friendships fade into the sands of times, and sometimes, that’s the most loving, gentle decision both people can make. Both of you may be better off not seeing or talking to each other.

Give yourself a day or two break and ask yourself how you feel. Is it possible your anger is so explosive because neither of you are good for each other? Do you have any other friends, OP, or is this friend your closest, possibly only, friend?

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