(Closed) First real Glitch in the wedding, and really sad about it!!!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
902 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Maybe you should talk to her and express that the reason you asked her was because you wanted her to be a part of your wedding and having you there was special, not just for the ceremony.

If she still seems like her other gig is more important than maybe finding someone else may be helpful if it upsets you that much knowing she rather do one than the other?

I would be hurt too if someone I really wanted there had more important plans, but considering their plans I would have to understand at least alittle.  But doesnt mean I wouldn’t be happy abot it

Post # 3
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

She’s agreeing to do the ceremony which is what is important. Be happy.

Post # 5
46420 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ask her- Are you ok to do our ceremony, or would you rather I find someone else?

Personally, I wouldn’t mind if she had to leave after as she would be fulfilling my wish to marry us.

Post # 6
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Maybe she was an important person to you in your life, but were you important to her? Professors are really busy people, and they meet many different people every year. I am guessing you were just a blip on her radar, and she has new students now. Who knows though. one of my professors says that she gets invited to students weddings she only attends the ceremony, because the reception is usually for only close family members. Look at things from her pespective. At least she agreed to do the ceremony.

Post # 7
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@SweetartMD:  She probably had the gig before you asked. In which case, she is trying to make it to your ceremony, when probably she’d otherwise want to relax and not rush to drive to the gig right after. I get that you feel she just did it out of obligation, but your bridesmaids would also wear dresses they hated out of obligation if you asked them–but you would still want them as BMs. I think you should see this as the same thing.

Post # 9
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I do think it’s a bit unfair on your part. I think she is taking time out of her day and from what you describe she is an incredibly busy person, and she obviously cares because why would she take time out of her day to marry you, if she didn’t? If she had this gig lined up for while, if she is getting paid for it, if she passionate about her music she might want to be doing that instead of dinner and dancing. Unless she cutting it extremely close and has to sprint down the aisle right after you say I do I don’t think its rushing because she has other commitments on that day that are important to her. Quite honestly I think I would be more upset with people who roll up to my reception ready to party, but miss what I think is the most important time of the day, the actually ceremony! To be honest, you probably won’t be able to get much face time in her unless you having a really small guest list as you be busy greeting people, dancing, cake cutting, toast and trying to grab some time with your new husband. I would just be thankfully and extremely grateful that someone who is meaningful in both of your lives is playing such a huge role on your special day.

I think as brides we also need to keep things in perspective, which at this moment I’m  desperately trying  my damnedest to do so I kind of understand where you coming from!=). To us it’s the most important day in our lives, to others it’s a special day and happy day, but not as big of a deal. 

Post # 10
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@TwoCityBride:  I agree. My Darling Husband is in a band and for him to cancel a gig is a huge deal – he lets his band members down, is out money, and that place might never ask them back to play again, which is a really big deal. She has said yes to doing the ceremony, and I think trying to guilt her into attending the reception is only going to cause problems because you’ll be putting her into an uncomfortable situation. Be happy that she is able to be your officiant and still make it to her band’s gig!

Post # 11
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think you have to ask yourself: What do you expect from the officiant?  Are you expecting her/him to stay throughout the whole ceremony and reception? Or do you rather have someone important to you to marry you?  Which means more?

Looks like your wedding is in July, you still have plenty of time to pick another person.  Ask your prof and see if she is very comfortable marrying you two that day, given she has another important gig to do that night.  My view on this is, (well wedding planning in general) what I want is one thing, but I also need to make sure the person I am asking favor of are on board with me.  Gotta think from their perspective.  We didn’t want to force them to do something they didn’t feel comfortable of.  It’s an honor they can come.  If they have other engagement, we need to understand too. 

Post # 14
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sounds like your worrying about nothing. She’s really making an effort to be there for you two and after your last post she really wants to be there but has a prior commitment to attend straight after. Have her do the ceremony. It’s too easy, your just creating drama for yourself. Relax and be happy as you have got what you wanted. 🙂

Post # 15
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Take a breath. Think of something relaxing. This is a first world problem, girlfriend. She’s doing the ceremony and that’s great!

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