(Closed) First relationship ended after three months…share your break up stories?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I know it may not seem like it now.. but in the future you will appreciate the experiance you gained from this.

There are alot of reasons that relationships end, and you just went through one of the most important ones – family approval.

This will now be something else you can add to your list when searching for a companion.

I once dated a guy for almost 4 years, me and him together were perfect. His mother, however was CRAZY. She was an an home daycare, and because of this never really spent a whole lot of time with her own child [my ex], instead she bought him everything he could ever want. I met him when I was 13 [he was 2 years older than me], so to me, he was just like every other kid. I dated him until I was 17 or so . Once he hit 18 he had no experiance in real life, he’d never had a job and everything had always been handed to him, and then because his mother hated me [she hated that I turned all of her advances to treat me like “her child” as she treated him. She would take us to the mall and insist that I wear whatever clothes SHE bought me, she was super controlling]. He also had a horrible relationship with her.. she would pressure him into doing things he didn’t want to [like dating people he wasn’t interested in], and he would eventually flip out and leave. She would chase him around with meat cleavers, and throw cases of beer with him… it was seriously dysfunctional. Eventually, she kicked him out for “giving her high blood pressure”, and he came to live with me. We’d been on our own for a good year and he was much better at being self sufficent without his mother around, he even held a job and stopping getting into juvenile trouble. And then one day she started coming over ALL the time.., after a few weeks of her causing drama in our relationship, I decided that I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew this wasn’t how a relationship was going to be, and his mother was always going to feel like she was supposed to be first in his life.


[there is obviously a whole lot of other stories of his mother being crazy and I left out… but honestly, it would be like writing a novel]

The breakup was quite horrible, but I got over it eventually. His life is currently in shambles and has been pretty much since we broke up, his mother is still acting the same way as she used to, treating him like a child and then casting him into a society that he has no idea how to function in. It’s seriously super sad.

You will find someone else… I had quite the extensive “list” of requirements for those I dated, and I never had problems finding a date. My list included NO smoking [cigars once in awhile are okay], NO excessive drinking , interested in children and open to adoption, work ehtics/drive [i’m a very hard working individual], no mama drama, no messed up teeth, [and quite honestly, some facial features were a turn off… i dated a guy with SUPER huge ears, i just couldn’t get over it].

Post # 4
491 posts
Helper bee

@jenilynevette:  I totally agree. OP, although this relationship didn’t work out, it’s not a total failure.  There are still things you learned, about yourself and your relationship – that can only help you out in the future. 


The only other thing i can say is, don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be in a relationship. I know that’s really hard to do but as cliche as it sounds, sometimes things happen when you stop looking. You’ll act more like yourself and enjoy your time more. When my Fiance and I started dating, we had both pretty much committed ourselves to being single for a while (I was moving out of state for school, him for work) but when good things happen, you let them happen. 

Post # 7
2510 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My first relationship ended after 2 months and he didn’t even breakup with me, just ignored me.  It was horrible at the time and though I never thought it would happen we are friendly and great business collaborators now.

A little over a year after I least expected it (wasn’t even looking) I met my finance who is the best man I’ve ever met and so perfect for me.  Things happen for a reason.  You just have to find it.  

Post # 8
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@miss forever:  Girl, your first relationship lasted 3 months? I’m embarrassed to tell you that my first relationship lasted 2 weeks — I was 19 years old. My ex was on a student visa. He was also a smoker. He and I came from a small SE Asian country: same hometown; etc. The worst part of it? It took me 2 years to get over him. In hindsight, I wish I wasn’t bitter about the whole experience. It taught me, however, that I should be picky with who I date; my ex was an atheist who tried to convert me into one! (Because falling in love with someone doesn’t give us the right to change who they are)

We meet various kinds of men. Some are Mr Right Nows and only one would be Mr. Right. Your mom is very sweet and supportive! Very cool mom you’ve got! πŸ™‚ You will meet someone when you’re not looking! (Funny how dating works, eh?)

Post # 10
1651 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@miss forever:  hey girl, do not feel bad about taking a long time to get over someone. It took me 3+ years to STOP liking a person I NEVER dated. It wasn’t until he said it to my face that he didn’t think he could date me how much I realized how loserly I’d been to be dragged along for a ride for so long.


In the meantime, I, like you, was picky. My first relationship lasted nearly 3 years. I broke it up, and it was because he wasn’t Christian and I was. I felt heartbroken regardless. I don’t normally write very religious heavy posts on WB but assuming you’re Christian, I’ll speak from that aspect. 


Keep your standards high. I’m so sorry to hear that your ex chose his family over you, but I know about these Korean families (I’m Chinese and lots of my college friends came from rich Korean families) and to them, marriage is about building business alliances, it’s not about love. I feel bad that your ex is kind of forced into that life, but you dodged a bullet on this! 


In the meantime continue to love yourself. Know that you are an awesome person who deserves to be loved and fought for – for all that you are. Believe that God has someone specially prepared for you and it only takes one person. Pursue what your heart loves, and at the end of the road, the man who also pursues what your heart loves, will meet you there and embark on a life with you TOGETHER.


I actually prayed for my husband after my heartbreak. I asked for some specific things (that he would be Christian, responsible, and marriage minded), and I even asked that God would heal my heart within a certain time. And all of that happened. I focused on my faith – which had strayed by dating a non-Christian. I focused on being a positive person. I focused on finding one thing every day that I could be joyful for. I kept a prayer journal. Though I wasn’t fully healed when I met my Darling Husband, he saw that I was positively trying to change my life and be better.



Post # 11
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@miss forever:  Exactly! Much better knowing what you like in a guy. There’s no point settling; it’s your own happiness and sanity. πŸ™‚ For me personally, personality, religion, spirituality and musical capability was everything. The guy had to know how to make me laugh!

The best advice I received was to know how to ask a guy an open-ended question: “What do you like in a girl?”

I found that question saved me a lot of grief over guessing/hyper-analyzing about each guy I was interested in.

It IS hard to get over someone until we are able to stop being infatuated with the person. I agree with PP about praying. πŸ™‚ However, pray for strength; not for the right guy to come along. Wink

Everything happens for a reason. Even with my SO (now FI), things were rocky to start; we were on and off. It’s all faith and patience as well as finding someone who will love you the way you are; wealth shouldn’t be a factor.

Post # 14
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@miss forever:  I am 31, going on 32, and will be married in next year.  I have had a LOT of heartache in my life, both from relationships and the ‘Im single, and hate it!’ phases.  

I point out my age to let you know that all hope is not lost, and that while some people find ‘the one’ at younger ages, others it takes time to find!  I met my Fiance when I was 28 going on 29, and was pretty fed up with dating and men at that point.  Throughout my life, I had (what I consider) two very serious relatonships.  One from 17-19, and the other from 20-23.  Both were painful break-ups, but I can sit here and tell you today that life DOES go on and things happen for a reason…it just takes time!

After my second serious relationship, I dated around, tried online sites, etc.  And then, I stopped trying so hard.  I just let life happen for me, and stopped ‘looking’.

What I find interesting, and what I think *may* help you is that my Fiance was not the ‘right type’ of guy for me on paper.  Thank God I let him push down my barriers, and I got to know him, because I soon realized he is the perfect guy for ME!!  Had I judged him based upon my list of ‘must haves’, I would have missed out on someone incredible.  Maybe the guys who pursue you, that you constitute as wrong are actually really really great.  Expand your horizons…throw away your lists, and give yourself a break.  

He is out there, so please just be patient!!

Post # 15
2945 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

What a terrible reason to break up with someone?  That said, you are so better off. Coming from a relationship where is mother hated me to a relationship where my FI’s sister asked if she could keep me if we broke up (before we got engaged) I can tell you that the difference is worth the break up.

In my case, my ex and I went to college together.  We dated only during our senior year.  He was an only child, and his parents controled his life.  While I would stay in our college town for breaks so I could work, his parents would FLY him home (a distance that was easily drivable, but mom and dad wouldn’t let him have a car, which I now see as them wanting him dependent)   His dad called on mother’s day and chewed him out for spending the day with my family.  We were in school, it was the week before finals, and we went to my brothers confirmation, because I was the sponsor.  It had nothing to do with the holiday, but a major life event for my brother that I had promised to be a part of. 

After school, he didn’t have a job, and he went home to his parents.  I had a job.  A month later, a friend landed him a job in the same city.  He hemed and hawed at taking the job.  The Friday before he was supose to move to take the job, he told me his parents would cut him off if he took it, and he was staying where he was.  This was the last straw.  I broke up with him then.  And I’m glad I did.  I was dating my Fiance within the month.   Never had the drama with his family that I had with my ex’s.

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