Post # 1
The RSVPs have been filing in. Everyone was following the instructions just fine, and I was relieved because the one relative I feared would add extra guests to her RSVP card did not. She even followed the rules. Then, Saturday I got an RSVP card from my great-aunt.
I’d invited my great-aunt and her Darling Husband, because I’ve always been close to them. So was my grandmother. My great-uncle (great-aunt’s brother) lives with great-aunt and her Darling Husband. I did not invite him because I’ve only seen him like three times my entire life. We had to cut the list somewhere.
So, anyway, on the RSVP card for them, I had written, “We have reserved 2 seats in your honor”. My great-aunt wrote under the “2”, a huge number “3” and wrote in her name, her Darling Husband, and my great-uncle’s name. Umm, I didn’t invite him?!
I completely lost my mind and had a full-on meltdown. Why do people do this? Do they not realize that I am paying a huge amount of money per person? There is a reason I specifically wrote in how many seats each family gets. Because I cannot afford anything extra.
Unfortunately, my great-aunt has cancer and is probably not going to make it another year. So, I do not have it in me to confront her about this. So, I’ve just got to let the extra guest slide. Now, my fear is that this is going to continue to happen with more guests. Although, if anyone who is not terminally ill does this, they will be getting told what’s what.
Post # 3
@Pinksapphire: Don’t stress out about it. Just let her know.
Being sick isn’t a free pass to just invite people to other people’s events. You don’t have to confront her and be hostile. Just pass it off as a misunderstanding.
“Oh hello, Aunt Betsy, it’s me Pinksapphire. I’m just calling about your RSVP. It seems that there was a misunderstanding. Unfortunately, Fiance and I are not able to accomodate uncle unknown. We are very much looking forward to seeing you and Uncle Darling Husband.”
There isn’t anything impolite or wrong with that.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Ugh that sucks. Has anyone RSVP’d no so that you can fit in this uncle? I do agree with you that it’s difficult to confront someone when they’re likely not going to be around soon… you don’t want to leave things on a sour note…
Post # 5
‘This is why it is suggested that you invite in family ‘circles’ – if you invite one great-aunt, you should invite the rest of them in that branch, otherwise there will be hurt feelings.
Can you really not accommodate this uncle? I would try my best to see if I could scrap together the extra $ for his meal/seat.
Post # 6
We were hoping for as many “no” RSVPs as possible, because we were a little over our budget limit. That whole mumbo jumbo about “Only about 2/3 of your invited guests will show up.” is bullcrap. Everytime someone says they’re not coming, someone else gets thrust in my lap, so to speak.
My great-aunt and my grandmother were sisters and best friends. I spent a lot of time around my great-aunt and her Darling Husband my entire life. By the time I was a teenager, they were like immediate family to me. Great-uncle (grandma and great-aunt’s little brother) has only met me about three times. He has always lived out of state. AFTER I sent out my Save-The-Date Cards, he moved in with great-aunt and her Darling Husband. At that point, I couldn’t retract my invite to great-aunt, but I could not afford an extra person. I did not realize this would be such a huge issue. I figured great-uncle would gladly stay home so that he could watch over the animals and the house for my great-aunt. Seeing as how he doesn’t really know me at all, I didn’t think he’d care about coming to our wedding.
Post # 7
That 2/3 ‘rule’ is indeed crap. The ‘average’ is 10-20% but it is always suggested to budget for 100% attendance.
ETA: You knew that he lived there when you mailed the invitations, though. So you have to choose between finding a way to accommodate your great-uncle or telling the great-aunt you are super close to that she cannot bring her brother.