First time bride, second time groom

posted 2 years ago in Encore
Post # 2
Member
545 posts
Busy bee

Sorry you’re feeling this way, Bee. His ex obviously wasn’t the one for him, and I’m sure this is an entirely different experience for him because he loves you differently than he loved her. This is just one of those things that you have to move past unfortunately. He may have gone through this before, but you two are going to experience many “firsts” together, and you should just try to focus on building your new life together instead of clinging to his old life. I hope you’re able to move past this together, and start enjoying the experience!❤️

Post # 3
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I’m in a similar situation- he married the mother of his daughter at 17. I get where you’re coming from. I’ve felt similarly over the years.

I’d tell him “I know it’s irrational, but I feel insecure because you’ve done this before. Can you talk me through this?”

I find it helps to think that I won’t be SO’s second wife- I’ll be his last wife 🙂

I hope you start to feel better soon, Bee!

Post # 4
Member
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

Both me and my Darling Husband and I have been married before & trust me when I say it’s a completely differently unique wedding from any previous weddings, it doesn’t feel at all like going through the same thing again. So likely your Fiance still has that brand new excitement because it IS brand new for him- a brand new step he’s taking with you, he’s at a different stage of his life, the wedding itself will be different etc. This might be a rather clumsy way of explaining things, but let’s say my Darling Husband went to Hawaii with his ex and now he’s planning to go to Greece with me. Sure he’s been on a plane before, sure he’s been on vacation before. But he’s never been to Greece before and he’s so happy about going on vacation with me, that he’s as excited as a kid at Christmas. 

Post # 5
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

A couple of thoughts come to mind. Both my Darling Husband and I were married before and like you, I’ve had moments when I wish we had met earlier, been each other’s only spouse, etc. My Darling Husband has said to me though that he needed his past to appreciate who I am, and to have the wonderful relationship we share together now. We all have feelings we aren’t proud of. Rather than judging them, perhaps see them as an invitation or an opportunity to grow. What can you learn from your feelings? Where can you see a new perspective?  Your Fiance has asked you to marry him because YOU are the person he wants to spend his life with, and you have said yes because he is the man you love. Hold fast to that. It’s more important than anything that came before.

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