(Closed) First time bridesmaid!!! Most important do’s and don’ts??

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Welcome to the bee 🙂

My advice is just to be supportive and open to what she wants, even if you don’t like it, just remember that it is her wedding and her vision. If she asks you to do something that you think is unreasonable, be honest with her and let her know that you are uncomfortable with what she is asking you to do.

Post # 4
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Speaking as a bride who was slighted by her maids just today, I agree with PP. Be supportive of your bride. She CHOSE you. It should be an honor and a privilege that she wants you to be a part of her special day, not an obligation or a chore. Keep in mind that she may not be the most reasonable at times, but might also be under a lot of stress. Be supportive of her and be honest in your opinions, but respect that it’s her day and you may have to suck it up and go with something you don’t necessarily like. But most of all have fun and be happy!!! Wedding planning is a grand adventure! Lol.

Post # 7
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  Being a bridesmaid can be really fun!

  The big thing is to do what you can to de-stress the bride. I don’t know if you all will be ordering your dresses at the same time, but when the bride asks you to order, order your dress as soon as possible. I am on my 4th time being a bridesmaid and twice, we ordered our dresses separately. The brides appreciated me being on the ball with this!

  The big things I can think of are ask the bride or the maid of honor what you can do to help. Just being there is what really seems to help :-). Talk with the other girls about shower, bachelorette party expectations. Sometimes financial things can creep up quickly–it’s nice to be prepared!

Post # 8
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

my main advice (based on my own experience) is to order your dress early! if the bride gives you a “order the latest by this date” date….if you don’t order at least one month in advance of this date, she will secretly be stressing until you do! basically don’t wait so long that you start getting reminder emails!

Post # 9
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would recommend getting to know as early as possible what will be expected of you, financially. This can be a HUGE stumbling block between brides and bridesmaids!!

I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my best friend’s wedding and, all told, I spent about $1,400 to do so. Ouch!! For someone who makes less than $25K a year, this was a huge deal! Things you don’t even think of come into play… I was singing at her wedding, so I spent a few hundred dollars on singing lessons to tune up before the big day. The dress was only $135, and the MOB paid me back for it, but the alterations were an additional $104. I flew to her wedding, but thankfully it was in our hometown so I stayed with my parents and didn’t have to spring for a hotel. She paid to get my hair done, but not my nails – and little did I know that the manicure we all got was $100! (Seriously!)

In the end it was an awesome day, we made lots of amazing memories and I wouldn’t change anything about it… But if I’d made a little budget sheet ahead of time outlining all my costs, and had I specifically asked her what she was paying for and what she wasn’t, it may have been easier.

Post # 10
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@CharlotteMJ: Omg! What kind of manicure was $100?!! Did they paint your nails with gold!?

 

Post # 11
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Be on time for appointments. Volunteer to help out as much as possible, even if the brides say she doesn’t need help. Be supportive.

Post # 12
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

If she gives you a deadline to buy the dress, please keep her updated when you buy it. Don’t wait until the last hour of the last day to buy the dress… it will stress her out. If you DO have to wait, then let her know ahead of time so she understands why you’re not buying it. Other than that, if she wants you to help her then certainly do so (within reason). If not, don’t push it. If she’s anything like me… I don’t want to plan, I don’t have much to plan, and I have to include my mom in “planning”… needless to say, my BMs are not helping at all. I feel bad sometimes, but I just don’t want/need help.

Also, if you want to plan a shower for her, you should let her know that. It doesn’t have to be right away, but she would be excited to know that you wanted to do that for her. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@Waves2: Oh, oops. I wrote mine before I saw yours. I didn’t mean to go against your advice. But honestly, I don’t want any help 🙁

Post # 14
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Spare her the bridal party drama. If 2 BMs are butting heads or the Maid/Matron of Honor is lagging on her planning DON’T bring it up to the bride. It’s so aggrivating and it takes away from the joy of attending a wedding related event that the bride didn’t have to micromanage to the last detail.

Post # 15
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Bostongrl25: Not even. We went to the salon (we grew up in the richest part of NJ/the country) and I just was like, “Do whatever they’re doing to the other BMs.” And so they put this gel stuff on there, and I was like, wow this is gorgeous. It was awesome. So then they were writing up the ticket for me to take to the register and he wrote 1-0-0. I thought…. I hope that is an inventory code or something….. but nope. $100.

The mani was great, but apparently it was some kind of crazy high-end gel stuff that few salons do and when I went to a salon in New Mexico (where I was living) a few months later to get it removed, they were like, “Ummmm yeah the acetone will do nothing on this, we have to dremel it off.” Cue destroyed nails.

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