(Closed) First-time moms: houseguests after delivery?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
  • poll:
    We had visitors immediately and it was a huge help! : (5 votes)
    26 %
    We had visitors immediately and I regret it. : (4 votes)
    21 %
    No visitors for the first week. : (2 votes)
    11 %
    No visitors for the first two weeks. : (4 votes)
    21 %
    No visitors for the first month. : (4 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1014 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I can’t speak from the first time mom perspective, but I can speak from the houseguest perspective!  I was lucky enough to spend the week after my niece was born with my sister and BIL.  My sister had a C-Section, so I was able to help out a lot.  I would cook, clean, keep up with laundry, organize the nursery, and of course hold the new baby!  I tried to focus on keeping the new family relaxed and comfortable, and able to enjoy those first few days as new parents. I really liked being able to take care of the day to day stresses, so they could focus on being the best parents they could for a little bit.  I gave them as much privacy as I could, and did my best to not be a nuisance or give them any unwanted advice or opinions!  Especially with having lots of visitors in the first week, I think they really appreciated having someone relieve all of the day to day pressures of cooking, cleaning, etc. while still keeping some distance and not being all up in their business.  I think whether or not it’s a good idea, really depends on the personality of the guest, and your personal expectations for them.  Only you will know whether or not it’s likely to be a positive experience or a negative one.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We didn’t have anyone stay over. Our families only live 15 minutes away. But my mum was here a lot right after Dirty Delete was born and it was great to have her. I don’t think I would have tolerated her 24/7 though.

    Post # 5
    Member
    887 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    The first week my parents and DH’s dad stayed with us. It was really stressful. The first month of our baby’s life we had visitors staying at our home 24 out of 30 days. Next baby will be a lot different! I thought visits in the hospital were fine, but will probably request no one come for the first two weeks that we are home when baby #2 is born.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1249 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    I’m not pregnant yet, but when my cousins had their babies, their mothers always went and spent at least two weeks with them.  I’ve kindof always assumed that my mother would come over every day (we live close by) during the first week or so after I have a baby. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1487 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My mother spent one week with me, and it was actually really helpful.  We tend to butt heads often, but during that week she and Darling Husband took care of the baby overnights while I slept and recovered.  She also helped with dishes, meals, and laundry.

    This time, she won’t stay with us since she lives so close, but if it was a choice betwen being on my own with no close family or having someone stay, I would choose to have someone stay, so long as I was comfortable with them.

    Post # 9
    Member
    887 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    I was very shy/modest prior to baby’s birth. I actually ended up bfing in front of my mom (which I had NOT planned on doing before baby was born). I still didn’t bf in front of my dad or DH’s dad. I went to a different room or they did. Just my personal preference though!

    Post # 10
    Member
    3720 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I have 7 neices and nephews and my FSILs all agreed that some help is great. They found that live-in, stay over help could be helpful if the people actually helped out (cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping). They also couldn’t say enough positive things about meal/help calendars where a bunch of people (family and friends) sign up for one day to bring food and help around the house.

    They have no problem breastfeeding in public, so that wasn’t awkward for them. I could see how it would be if you are really modest or if it is someone distant, but I can easily see doing it in front of my mom, sister, and entire extended family (although in front of my dad would be strange).

    Their one big warning (and what Fiance and I are afraid of) is extended stays from my mom. They tend to find it more stressful than helpful. If your mom is great and really would be an up all night do whatever it takes without giving you unsolicited advice (like my FMIL), a few days is great. If she is not, they said it is well worth your parents getting a hotel room and coming over in announced shifts.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1245 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’m not due until December, but with my sisters, my mom has gone to stay with them for three nights after baby is born. She helps with household chores, cooking and the new LO. Both of my sisters rave about how much she helped them by doing that. She is also doing the same with me when I come home with LO in December.

    With that being said, I do think it depends on who comes to stay and your level of comfort with them. Only you know if they’ll truly be of help or will be a burden.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4038 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My mom flew up a few days before DS was born and stayed with us for almost 3 weeks.  I was happy to have her here, BUT she was here a long time, and we don’t have a huge place so we were all on top of each other. And I would have appreciated her more if she’d have done more than play on her Kindle/occasionally hold the baby so I could shower/do the dishes/take a nap. But Darling Husband had to go back to work pretty much right away, so I was grateful for the company, if nothing else. 

    As for BFing, I completely lost all modesty after delivery, especially since Darling Husband, my mom, Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law were all in the delivery room with me (FIL stayed up by my head by Mother-In-Law had a front-row seat, lol). I have no qualms about breastfeeding in front of any of them, or any of my SsIL. In front of BsIL, though, I would usually toss a receiving blanket over his head while he nursed…I didn’t care, and Darling Husband didn’t really care if they saw my boobs, but they were a little uncomfortable with it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1501 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m not due until April but I want my mom here for a week or so. But I know she will help out around the house and help with baby. We haven’t discussed it yet though. I don’t know if Mother-In-Law will want to be here or not. We live about 15 hours away from our families. I do know that I don’t want more than one person here at a time as I think then I would feel like I have to entertain. If it was just my mom I could tell her to leave me alone if I had to.

    Post # 15
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    I had a scheduled c-section, and my parents came and stayed at our house while i was in the hospital and for 2 nights after we came home, which was great she walked the dogs, checked the mail, cleaned the house and ran errands for me…(we are self employed so we had customer calls for her to return etc.) But the quote below is the best advice i have ever come across….

    Don’t let anyone stay with you that you can’t cry in front of or you can’t tell to “shutup”.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1245 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We had visitors but I don’t remember anyone staying overnight.  On the one hand it was helpful as it allowed me to get some sleep.  On the other hand, it was kind of stressful because I have a certain way of doing things (ie. laundry, loading the dishwasher) and while the guest was trying to be helpful I like things done my way.  While I certainly appreciated the help, it was kind of nice just to be on my own so I could get into my own routine.

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