- 5 years ago
My Fiance and I have been engaged for only a month; however, my family and I have gotten a good start on planning. We are getting married next July and have already selected and reserved our venues for both the ceremony and reception.
Despite having over a year until the big day, there are some minor details that are already getting to me.
To provide some context, my family is contributing a lot to this wedding. My Fiance and I are going to pay for as much as we can, but my family has already told me not to worry about it as much as I was when we first got engaged. I am not expecting my Future In-Laws, however, to contribute much/anything monetarily. They are not in a position to do so due to personal reasons etc. They did, however, ask what they could do to contribute, so we suggested the rehearsal dinner.
My dilemma: Recently at a family function, my Future In-Laws brought up, in front of the rest of my FBILs and FSILs, the fact that she would need ideas for the Rehearsal Dinner. I was first taken aback because I assumed that was something we would discuss one-on-one, not in front of 12 people! Additionally, my Future Mother-In-Law mentioned she wanted to provide/cook the food herself, which I don’t necessarily mind. She started suggesting locations such as her home (way too far for my other guests), outside at a park (I can’t trust that the weather would be ideal), local school gyms, and VFW halls. While I’m not generally high-maintenance, the thought of having my rehearsal dinner in a local school gym really upset me (especially compared to the venue we have selected for our wedding and reception). I suggested a VERY affordable venue that’s roughly 15 minutes from our reception location, and she didn’t seem to take it seriously. In fact, she started mentioning how we had to consider that was 15 minutes in the opposite direction of her home. Again, I was taken aback because she was originally suggesting people drive 30+ minutes out of their way to attend the Rehearsal Dinner at her house.
I have since suggested a couple other venues that would cap their monetary contribution to no more than $400. With that, Future Mother-In-Law has made comments like “we’ll consider it.” The last time I spoke with her regarding the topic she said, “I only brought this up to get ideas, not to have you think you have anything to do with it.” But it’s my wedding, right? Shouldn’t I DEFINITELY have something to do with it? I’m starting to feel selfish and ungrateful, but I’m also feeling offended that my Future In-Laws aren’t really considering what I want.
I guess I’m just looking for some insight. Should I have a say in how the rehearsal dinner comes plays out, or should I completely relinquish control?