(Closed) First-time poster seeking advice…Bridezilla?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

their hosting not you so really you just go with what they say

Post # 3
Member
47421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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misspb:  You asked the FIL’s to host the Rehearsal Dinner. The hosts make the decisions. Yes, it’s nice if they consult with the bride and groom, but it is by no means mandatory. They can host anything from a casual backyard BBR to a plated dinner at the country club. If you consider your guests, they might in fact prefer something more casual if you are hosting an upscale reception the next night.

I suggst you back off and let Fiance communicate with his parents.

Post # 4
Member
9071 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

They’re the ones hosting. Their decisions, not yours. If you want your decisions to be law, you host it.

Post # 6
Member
47421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
misspb:  It’s simple, really. It’s called gratitude.

There is no such thing as a meticulous and perfect wedding. Something is bound to go wrong. Maybe it’s a good thing if you have a chance to accept that, early on.

If you really can’t let go, tell your Fiance and his parents that you have changed your mnd, and you will host and pay for the Rehearsal Dinner so you can make the decisons.

Post # 7
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
misspb:  you have a vision for your Rehearsal Dinner, and you knew your FILs’ financial constraints. Nontheless, you asked them to host the Rehearsal Dinner. So the answer to the question posed in your title is yes.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by zl27.
Post # 8
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I get that you have a vision for your Rehearsal Dinner but if someone else is paying you have to accept what they choose. I am not having my Rehearsal Dinner where I wanted it. I wanted a super chill night, with drinks and wings, but my Future Mother-In-Law wanted a fancy dinner at a country club. Guess what? I’m not gonna pay, so I dont have a say. I am going to eat that fancy food and enjoy time with everyone and be greatful I’m not paying for it….lbs

Post # 11
Member
10306 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I will say if you do decide to take back over control of the Rehearsal Dinner and tell the Future In-Laws they are no longer required to host that you run the risk of really offending them.

As for how not to be a bridezilla, I dont really know what to say. Just relax and go with the flow. If I were you I would accept early on that your vision may not be what you get and be prepared for that.

Post # 12
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Meh Bee, let it go. The wedding, which YOU are planning and IS under your control *cough cough* will be as meticulously planned as you want it. The Rehearsal Dinner can be however your ILs want it.

 

Post # 13
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I would take back control of the Rehearsal Dinner and ask your Future In-Laws to help with something else. OR Just say that you want it somewhere and you already put the deposit down and have them pay for their share (if they still want to). 

I do not think that you are overreacting, or having a bridezilla moment. The rehersal dinner should feel cohesive with your wedding. I would FREAK if my Future In-Laws wanted to have it in a gym, or somewhere that is not even close to the venue.

I would say to make sure to relax though, do not talk to them, or her, unless you are calm! You don’t want to offend her but at the same time, you ARE the bride!

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Let it go and be gracious about what they choose.

Wedding planning/weddings is such a small part of your life, don’t put people off you for the sake of your ‘vision’, especially the people that will be your family for the rest of your life. 

No one cares about your own wedding as much as you do but they will remember you being a bridezilla, don’t be that person bee. 

Post # 15
Member
5866 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
misspb:  “How were you able to simply let go of micromanaging everything? That’s what I REALLY need help with!”

I hear you, this is a really hard thing and NOT something that comes naturally to everyone (myself included).  In this case I would help myself let go of my desire to micromanage by analyzing the reason for it then deciding whether it was really getting to my end goal.

It sounds like you are tempted to micromanage this Rehearsal Dinner because you are embarassed about how you’ll look to your guests if you have an Rehearsal Dinner that’s not up to a certain standard, right?  I hear that and I totally sympathize.  While of course we’d all like to be above such things, these thing do occur to us and we do fear the judgement of others.

But if your real goal is to have others think well of you, you’ll have more of an impact if you focus on being gracious than if you focus on showing material wealth/comforts.  Being gracious, grateful, and loving towards your ILs who are just trying to do something nice to you will be good for your relationship with them AND it will make you look good to others.  I’d use that mindframe to try to adjust your attitude and expectation.

This isn’t just for weddings – learning how to relinquish control when appropriate is a great skill to learn for life in general.  I’m still working on it too!

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