(Closed) First time ring shopping/need to start Shut It Up! (sorry so long)

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think doing the “shut it up” pact will help immensely. I think you are mentioning it way too much to him. If we was willing to go spend a nice day looking at rings he is probably pretty serious and now has a good idea of what you like. He could already have a date in mind for all you know.

Post # 4
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@laughs:  I dunno, it sounds like your boyfriend is being too “head in the clouds” to take seriously.  You know him best so maybe he’s just playing around when you bring up a timeline.  But often, while marriage can seem like this fun and fabulous idea, guys don’t think about the reality of marriage, what it means, preparing financially for it, etc.  I’d bring up the timeline one more time and ask him to be serious, see how he reacts and what he says to getting engaged say, within 1 year or 2 years.  Then shut it up!  Good luck. 😛

Post # 5
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@laughs:  I think it depends on his personality, is ha dreamy but also concrete? Like he dreams big but then actually does things or he’s the kind that dreams but never actually does things.

That is the big difference, because if it’s the first (my ex was like that) you can sit back and relax. 

If he is the second then you may want to let it go for a while (that I think depends on how old you are) and if within that timeframe he hasn’t said anything concrete then maybe calmly bring it up.

Post # 7
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@laughs:  my SO also talked in dreams and one days. I can say that in my situation a “shut-it-up” pact would have added years to our timeline. He says now that it took my constant mentioning and trying to talk in real concrete terms to make him see the light.

So you know your SO best, will out of sight (and ear) mean out of mind for him like it would have mine?

Post # 8
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@laughs:  my ex was the same, very artsy (musically talented, loved to draw and paint ecc…) but he was also a very succesful lawyer so he had his life together! 

If he is like that you shouldn’t worry at all! 

How old are y guys? if you don’tmind me asking

Post # 10
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@laughs:  fair enough! Just don’t blame him if in 6-12 months of not hearing about it he thinks you dont care anymore!

Post # 12
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@laughs:  I think obsessing over it is never a good tactic. You have made it clear you want to get married, he knows, he loves you, he wants to get married. 

Give him a year or so and most importantly don’t obsess about it. 

Good luck!

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