(Closed) First time sex hurts

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Quick answer: No. Sex feels good.

You should go to an OBGYN before your wedding to get it taken care of. Sometimes there are issues with an ultra thick hymen, or any number of things. Your doctor will be able to figure out the problem and recommend a solution. (Might involve surgically slicing your hymen or just exercises at home.)

Glad this happened now instead of your honeymoon! Good thinking on your part!

Post # 4
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry for this Too Much Information answer, but you need serious lube. Try some astroglide in you and on him. That should help.

Post # 5
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First of all, don’t worry! Nothing sounds out of the ordinary in your post, and I think if you stress out about it, it could become even more difficult. A couple questions, though–how much foreplay are you guys doing? Are you using any kind of lubrication? That would help the most in terms of him being able to…get in there, haha.


Post # 6
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Mrs.McMac:  Lube would help with the tightness, as would a little red wine, but the bleeding tells me that she has a problem a doctor could fix a lot more quickly, efficiently, and painlessly.

Post # 7
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would bleed several times during the beginning of sex. Even MONTHS in I would occasionally bleed a bit if it was extra rough, hard, or whatever. It was due to the fact my body was *still* getting used to having something inside me and I was still streching a bit.

You really need to be more relaxed I think. Before even attempting to have sex, you should have the “I soo need to feel you in there, OMG- I can’t wait, holy crap I really really want to —-” If you’re not having those type of feelings you’re not quite turned on enough. You need to be soaking wet- be it by lube or natural lube doesn’t matter but it should be a slip n slide between your legs. And- has he tried fingering you? (from 1 finger work it up to 2 or even 3). Finally the most important aspect- mentally clam yourself, relax- breathe slowly.

Post # 8
42 posts
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d definitely have to agree with Mrs.McMac. You should try having one of those sex parties -like pure romance party. they are awsome. you can get FREE stuff!

Post # 9
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

How much foreplay are you doing beforehand? If you don’t get properly relaxed/warmed up, you’ll be extra tight and probably not wet enough. Can he get a finger in there? I second the lube suggestion! If the problems persist, there’s no harm in seeing your doctor to check things out. If it makes you feel any better, I bled a bit probably the first 10 times or so. Easier said than done, but try to relax. 🙂

Post # 10
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Anna22:  It may be that your hymen is only partially torn instead of all the way and causing the bleeding. 

If you don’t want to talk to your doctor about it, don’t give up quite yet.  Use a lot of lube and get very aroused before he tries to enter you.  Once he does he will need to push ALL THE WAY IN and not stop so that your hymen will completely break. 

Sometimes it does take awhile for a woman to learn to enjoy sex, just be patient with it.

Post # 12
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree with Tangled actually. I think you need to speak with an OBGYN. It could be nothing, but it could also be something. You should have an OBGYN anyway.

Post # 13
2892 posts
Sugar bee

@Anna22:  Everyone has given you great advice. Every body is different and it could be as simple as not enough foreplay but given it’s reoccuring and causing you pain I would definitely go see your OBGYN. You never know and it doesn’t hurt to rule anything medical out. NEVER start things if you’re dry. The second you said that I even winced. 🙂 You need tons more foreplay, lube. Not only could you cause bleeding but you could cause hairline tears that would last for days and hurt like a mother. Good luck. 🙂

Post # 14
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I also agree with consulting the doctor. I would bleed a little too but it should be that much pain.

Post # 15
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I had pretty much the same experience as you many years ago. Lube was the greatest thing for us. Go with something that is silicone based, not water based, as silicone is safer for women. Plus, you don’t need very much. It WILL get better.


Post # 16
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree about the foreplay, even now I still need quite a bit to feel lose (though it doesn’t feel tight to my husband).  I also still have bleeding sometimes from roughness.  If you are using condoms as your method of birth control, don’t use silicone based lube since they can degrade the condom.  But I do like silicone best because it lasts longer and feels smoother.

I would try to increase the foreplay and see if that works, if it doesn’t you should go to a doctor to get checked.  Not sure if you have had paps yet or not, but you should start getting those now that you are sexually active.

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