First time together!! (sorry if this is tmi)

posted 1 year ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Sex certainly makes you feel closer to your partner.  There’s no way around it.  Honestly that’s why it complicates crap so much when you sleep with someone you don’t care enough about.  But anyway.

My two cents is this: sex is great, but sometimes it’s work.  What I mean by that is that it takes a lot of trial and error and experimentation and learning to let certain mental inhibitions go before you find what you really like and what feels great to you.  So really, no one on a forum is going to be able to give you really solid tips imo.  Just keep taking it easy, enjoy it, and be sure to communicate OUT LOUD to your partner what you really like and what isn’t quite working for you.

Post # 3
9670 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

1- Yes, it absolutely made us feel closer.

2- From the very first time. It always felt good.

3- Communicate! Tell him when you like something and when you don’t. Experiment a lot, different positions will feel different. And masturbate. Learn to know your own body.

4- How often were we having sex? Pretty much all the time lol. We were long distance so only saw each other on weekends and we would have sex several times a day.

Post # 4
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

futuremrspepper : 

1. Yes

2. I enjoyed it from the beginning – but did not always enjoy sex every time with every partner. There were some guys that i slept with that were downright just tedious.

3. It took me years before i had orgasms with a partner. Masturbate – figure out what feels good for you and how to get yourself off. Then you can show/teach your partner to.

4. When my husband and i first started sleeping together we were having sex every day, sometimes multiple times a day. We both have decently high sex drives. 

Post # 5
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

1.) It will definitely make you closer, especially if it’s your first time and partner.

2.) Hmm…hard to say. I too actually had an enjoyable first time, so I think I always liked it? But maybe once we started getting more into foreplay did I really enjoy it.

3.) I’ll be honest, I’ve been sexually active now coming up 10 years (lordy) and I still have never O’d while actually having sex. I always need external stimulation and usually orgasm right before or after we’re actually having sex (intercourse itself). That said, I wasn’t able to orgasm really until I learned how to do it myself. From there, I was able to give better instruction to my partners.

4.) Well I was in high school, so not that much at first. Maybe once every couple weeks when our parents were out of town? But in my current relationship, I’d say at first about the same as you, maybe a few times per week.

Post # 6
2494 posts
Buzzing bee

This is adorable.

Do you ever masturbate? Learning to please yourself and bring yourself to orgasm will help immensely when trying to communicate to your partner how to help you. I wouldn’t really have had anything to communicate to Darling Husband (or my previous partners) if I’d never masturbated and figured out my own body first. 

As for frequency, you just want to be sure that you are each taking into account (and respecting) the other person’s natural libido and not taking it personally if someone’s winds up being lower.

Also, don’t read too much into it if you have a slump every now and then. That is natural in a long-term relationship.

Dh and I generally have sex 3-4 times a week. 


Post # 7
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

1. Did sex make you feel closer to your partner? So and I slept together pretty quickly, but sex in general makes us feel closer. If we go a little while without it, I notice a difference. It’s one of the ways we reconnect.

2. How many times did it take before it felt really good for you? It’s always been really enjoyable with SO. 

3. Do you have tips for us beginners? How can we get me to the big O? We often make “it felt really good when you…” comments. Every body will be different on this topic. I don’t generally O during intercourse, because of that SO does a little extra work first so we both have a good time haha.

4. How often did it happen for you when you first started sleeping together (we’ve done it about 3 times a week) We were LDR and only saw each other on weekends, so it was multiple times a day for the first year. Now that we live together, its about once a week right now since we’re both super busy and exhausted by the evenings. 

Post # 8
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

1. Did sex make you feel closer to your partner? Well dh and I were slutty and slept together on the 2nd date, so I mean, sure, but we weren’t really too close in the first place that early on so everything we did was making us feel closer! With my first bf who I lost my virginity to, I would say no, it did not make me feel closer to him…but that was probably due to other factors.

2. How many times did it take before it felt really good for you? For me it’s all about the foreplay as I don’t O from intercourse, but everyone is different! 

 3. Do you have tips for us beginners? How can we get me to the big O? See above.

4. How often did it happen for you when you first started sleeping together (we’ve done it about 3 times a week) With dh, we were doing it like crazy in those first months, multiple times a day. Now that we’re married it’s more like a couple times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less.

Post # 10
60 posts
Worker bee

1. Sex definitely brought us closer together. 

2. Sex has always felt good to us. 

3. Communication is key along with exploring. 

4. Early on I’d have to say that we were intimate multiple times per week. 

Post # 11
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

1. Sex absolutely makes my partner and I feel more connected to each other. It’s very much a bond-strengthening experience for us.

2. With my current partner, it felt good from the very first time. Previously, it just depended on the partner — some were good, some were meh, and some were just bad.

3. Practice makes perfect. My current partner is the only man who I’ve orgasmed with from PIV intercourse, and it happens every time we have sex, but we know which positions/rhythms to use to get there.

4. We average 4-6 times a week, we’ve been together 2 years and pretty much started sleeping together right away.

Post # 12
83 posts
Worker bee

hickoryhills :  Sex certainly makes you feel closer to your partner.  There’s no way around it. 


Sorry, I don’t agree. I know that that’s what’s normally assumed about women, and maybe for a lot of women it’s true, but I personally have never felt it with anyone. I need far more to feel closer to someone than  ‘meeting of private organs’ so to speak. 

OP’s situation is different in that they BOTH were virgins and they BOTH decided to do it together and it was a first time for BOTH of them (at least that;s what I understand), so OF COURSE it’s going to bring them closer.

Also, in many (if not most) monogamous relationships where the people are committed to each otehr, sex can also bring them together.

But having sex with someone outside a committed relationship never made me feel closer to them (and I know I am not alone, a lot of my female friends confirm that to be the case for them too). Also, when my ex was playing away (I didn’t know for sure, I just had a suspicion), sex certainly didn’t bring us closer, because on an unconscious level I knew he was cheating and I couldn’t relax 100% and I couldn’t give myself to him fully…

So I don’t think that sex as a binding tool (ha ha) works always and automatically, but sure, I am willing to believe that in healthy, committed relationships it probably does.



Post # 13
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

londongeocity :  Agreed. I’ve had sex with plenty of people without feeling any sort of emotional closeness (and I was married to one of them). I think maybe that’s the difference between what people describe as “making love” and just having sex.

Post # 14
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

1. Of course it makes me feel closer to my partner. Biologically, we’re wired to bond to those who we have sex with. One of the reasons why it’s such a big deal.

2. I’ve always enjoyed sex, though it has gotten better over time.

3. Masturbate. I rarely orgasmed with my partner until I learned how to masturbate. Then I knew much better of what it takes to get me there, and now I have regular orgasms. Just be patient, experiment, and communicate.

4. Outside of long distance, we have sex closer to 5 times a week.


Bonus: It’s very common to have a higher sex drive than your partner. I do, and always have. If he’s not in the mood, I sometimes masturbate (when in turn helps me learn more about my body and have better ideas of what to do during sex to get me there!)

Post # 15
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

londongeocity :  I agree with you. For me, it’s completely possible to have sex with someone and not feel close to them. In some ways, I feel like cuddling on the couch or a really intense hug makes me feel closer to my partner than when we have sex…but I may be in the minority there. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a big part of our relationship, but I don’t really need it to feel emotionally close to dh. That’s just not how I’m wired I guess.

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