(Closed) First time you felt truly accepted?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have luckily had a great relationship with my mil (fil passed away before I met dh). I just wanted to say congrats! Having a great relationship with your so’s family makes things so easy! 

Post # 4
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Congratulations! My relationship with FI’s family was never really rocky (by the time I met them, they’d basically gotten over the race thing). However, the first couple of Thanksgivings I went to his family’s gatherings, I was ignored. Not entirely, just as “one of the boys brought his girlfriend.” It wasn’t until the 3rd or 4th year when we’d been together 4 or 5 years that they started to talk to me like one of the family and put me in the family group pictures.

Post # 5
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

still waiting on that… it doesn’t help I don’t live near his family, so there is not a lot of time for bonding or getting to know each other.

Post # 6
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  Mine took a little bit of time as well! I got along well with his dad and brother right away. It was mom that took some time. My story is fairly similar to yours. We started dating in college (his freshman year, my junior year), and I was my FI’s first girlfriend. We’ve been dating a little over 7 years now. While we were in undergrad, his mom would ignore me. I would try to be nice, ask questions, but it was always just awkward with the two of us. One time, his parents came to visit him at college. They were going to tailgate. I got a mumbled “hello” from his mom, but another friend (who happens to be a girl) got a happy, incredibly vocal greeting. I had left events in tears. My Fiance talked to his mom a few times about this.

  The turning point was when I encouraged and supported him going away for grad school…even though I was staying local. When his mom realized that I wasn’t going to be holding him back from his dreams, it got a lot easier. I’m guessing that there were worries of that, plus the whole “first serious girlfriend” thing. Things are pretty good now, though, for which I am very thankful!

Post # 7
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@keepsmiling19:

If only I got that! I supported all those dreams (studying abroad, grad school, without me) but so far no such luck 🙁 I’m just not the girl “we would pick out for you.”

Post # 8
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Yikes, what did she say about you and what would prompt that conversation to start? I wish I had that ear. I know things have been said about me. I am in the same position as you. First and to a mummy’s boy. 

We have been together well over a decade now. I didn’t feel accepted until we were engaged at 11 years but it was a trap. They just wanted to control everything we did. So, 11 years to be faux accepted for me

Post # 9
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I still don’t feel fully accepted by his mom.  He tries to convince me that his mom loves and adores me but I get that sneaky gut feeling that this is all an act.  She just doesn’t really talk to me whenever we hang out.  She completely closes down when we are alone and refuses to make even trivial small talk.  He says it is just because his mom is kind of weird and self absorbed she is incapable of talking about anyone but herself or any problems but her own.  This may be true.  Hey, at least he said it.  But as for the rest of his family, the moment I met them I felt accepted.  I am very close with one of his sisters who is working/living in China right now.  We email all the time and I miss her so bad.

Post # 10
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Unfortunately, my DH’s father passed many years ago so it has mainly been his mom helping him and his daughter since he was a single dad. She hasn’t liked me from the get go and has made sure I know about it.

It’s been almost ten years and still trying to be accepted. His brother’s and their wives finally accept me which is nice but since his mother loves with us, I was rather hoping she would finally. She didn’t come to our wedding, never congratulated us when we got married and has pretty much just ignored me entirely unless she’s complaining to our neighbors, her friends, my step-daughter or my husband about me.

Meh, I gave up. No big to me. My husband loves me, accepts and calls me his family so I’m good.

Post # 11
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Mine were really easy. I met them in Mexico on a family vacation, and by the time my plane landed and got to the hotel they were drunk and very friendly. So ever since then, not really problems. Some personality clashes but they love that i can party with them and that my family is crazy too. 

Post # 12
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL

 FI’s family has always been kind to me, but I really felt the love this past Christmas, when both his mom/step-dad and dad/gf gave me Christmas cards that read “Merry Christmas, Daughter”….I cried!!!

Also, FI’s grandmother has told him numerous times what a sweet and respectful girl I am and how much she likes me, which is amazing because Nana is very blunt and she hasn’t liked any of his past girlfriends.

The only family member who is not very friendly is his aunt (FMIL’s brother’s wife), who when she first me, just looked me up and down and smirked. She never congratulated us on our engagement. I don’t take it personally though, according to FI’s mom and dad, she has never been very friendly, even to them. She is an attention hog, and is resentful and bitter towards anyone that gets in the way of her spotlight (for example: our upcoming marriage)

Post # 13
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Today, literally today. I just got back from the inlaws house and everyone was normal for once. I think today they finally accepted me. Wow!

Post # 14
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m very lucky that my FI’s family has accepted me from day 1…..we have now been together 9 years, and everyone is thrilled that we are FINALLY getting married….

My ex’s father blamed ME for everything that my ex did (even stuff that happened before I met him)…my ex was a douche, he was also abusive to me, and his father was an alcoholic (severely, he would get DT’s in the morning before he got a drink)….so I took his dislike for me as what it was worth….nothing…

Post # 15
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars

My Future Mother-In-Law has been a gem since the first time I met her – so kind and welcoming and accepting. 

My Future Father-In-Law is much quieter and a harder nut to crack.  This year, he gave me a birthday present and have my SO a picture of us that he has sneakily taken and worked pretty hard to make professional looking.  That felt really good.

I would say I truly knew I had “made it” when I went on their family’s annual vacation to visit the family’s best friends.  I had a great time and it was much less stressful than I expected.  At the end, their best friends told my SO that they approved and that he should work hard to keep me around.

I’ve never felt excluded but it’s also nice to know that they actually like having me around.

Post # 16
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Fiance doesn’t really have any family.  His father has passed, his mother hasn’t been around since he was 2.  He does have younger siblings, and I have attempted to meet them, but neither he or they are interested.

So I guess I will never been accepted.

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