(Closed) First two months of marriage have been so difficult :( :(

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 227
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

There are lots of posts on the Bee about “how do I get DH/FI to clean?”.  They just don’t dickishly call housework “wife work”,  they promise to help but conviently forget about it or do a subpar job. 

Edit: just saw the update. Good for you! 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  canadajane.
Post # 228
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

 

Post # 229
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I am so glad!! 🙂 

Please give us another update some time and let us know how it turns out.

Post # 230
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

iacopellib:  I know everyone is freaking out over here but it’s best NOT to go to Your husband telling him he is a prick or anything of that nature. I’ll admit I havent read allll the posts but I read yours and so That’s what I’ll be addressing.

You just got married so maybe you are both getting overly serious about what your roles are as husband and wife? It’s ok to realize that maybe you aren’t alwys going to live up to what you (and he) thought were the “husband/wife” duties, as i see that marriage is about a partnership and not delegating duties. That’s one sure way to start a marriage off with resentment and unhappiness.

First and foremost, id have a chat. Everyone recommends going to therapy right off the bat, but I think it’s worth it to have A talk and let your spouse know how you feel, in private. maybe he will apologize and realize how terrible those comments were. If it persists, then I’d see a therapist. And yes, it’s totally normal to argue. so my Fiance argue pretty heatedly but we are also passionate Latinos haha. Good luck bee

Post # 231
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I don’t mean to sound rude… but your husband sounds like a dick. Wife duties? There’s no such thing. Houshold duties should be and can be done by both parties. While I do most of the cooking and laundry in my house, my husband will do it as well. Hope things get better for you.

Post # 232
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

somethingblueorgold:  LOL I know I shouldn’t be laughing but your reply made me LMFAO.

My fiance and I also work full-time and let me tell you, it’s no walk in the park when it comes to domestic duties.  Life gets tough when you spend so much time at work and are strapped for time!  I used to get up and do laundry at 6am before work sometimes just so it was done.

In a perfect world my fiance would probably want me at home to do those “wifely” duties, unfortunately we just can’t afford to do that right now (if ever).  He often grumbles about how “life was different” back in his grandparents’ day (he’s an old soul and from a different time, I swear!)  and that it would be so much easier to get things done around the house if either one of us was at home more often.  I just smile and nod and then laugh it off – if you don’t laugh you cry, right!? – and he realises how ridiculous that kind of mentality is in the 21st century.

All joking aside though…it sounds like your husband’s expectations are antiquated and he either needs to get with the program or let you stay home and not have to work *IF* and only *IF* that’s what you want also! 

Post # 233
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

iacopellib:  Your husband sounds much more blunt about his “expectations” of you as a wife than my soon-to-be ex husband.  We’ve only been married for a couple of years but once the stress of his job set in, I couldn’t do anything right, couldn’t clean up enough, I was maxed out and it still wasn’t enough for him.

Sit him down and seriously discuss if you need therapy.  My ex refused which makes sense…why do the work when I’m disposable and he thinks he can pull some June Cleaver out of his ass on his next try at marriage.  A therapist could be what you need, Just as you transition to help you along.  You don’t have to go twice a week or anything intensive, just to ease into your new life together.  He can’t talk to you like that.  

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