Post # 1
I’m writing for some advice for how to deal with an unfortunate situation with one of my friends. I got engaged a couple of weeks ago and after thinking for two weeks, Fiance and I decided on the size of the wedding party and I took the time to meet with each girl I was asking to be a bridesmaid individually. Well, one of my friends seemed really happy that I asked her and accepted. Fast forward to a couple of days later and I wake up one morning to an e-mail where she tells me that she just thinks that it would be too stressful for her to be a bridesmaid and she would really rather not. Now, I guess I was a little baffled because she didn’t even ask me first what my expectations were for bridesmaids (I’m on the way low end of expectations because I’m pretty type A and not a good delegator; I pretty much just want them to show up in the dress, on time, on the day of the wedding).
So two questions for the hive: 1) how do I deal with my relationship with this girl? One thing I have absolutely decided is that I’m not going to ask her to reconsider. However, she has been a very close friend of mine for over two years and now I just feel completely awkward (is this a friend break up? some other wedding issues?). 2) I don’t have a lot of close girl friends and there isn’t really someone else that I would like to pick, is it ok to have different numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen (we already had asked all the groomsmen by the time i got the bridesmaid cancellation)? Anyone have any experience with this?
Post # 3
i think you should be glad your friend loves you enough to be honest and upfront with her feelings about this and embrace her as the good friend that she is – it takes alot of guts to disappoint someone and be honest about it.
ive read many stories of bm breakups so i hope this means longterm your friendship will continue
Post # 4
Aw, don’t ask her to reconsider, but maybe drop her a line to see if you can still be friends. Perhaps (no offense here!) but because you said you were Type A and wanting to be in control, she was worried about the expectations you may have about the wedding and not meeting them.
Also, our numbers won’t match. No problem at all doing that!
Post # 5
I think that your friend handled this very well. Instead of you having a Bridesmaid or Best Man who really did not have the time or energy or money to commit to you, she let you know up front.
Having uneven number is perfectly acceptable.
I would consider myself lucky if I were you.
Post # 6
Thank you ladies. Oddly the tough love makes me feel much better ;). I’m glad you all see it as a good sign that she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. Thanks!
Post # 7
Don’t look at this as a friend breakup at all. Don’t treat her differently, don’t think less of her. Speaking as someone who is under a ridiculous about of Not Wedding Related stress, and really has a strong appreciation for no-BS honesty, if being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is going to be stressful for her at this point in her life, she did the right thing for everyone involved to back out right away.
Post # 8
yeah nothing is worse than a Bridesmaid or Best Man that is too busy to fit in the wedding. I was recently a Maid/Matron of Honor for my best friend and the Bridesmaid or Best Man was to busy to help with anything. I organised and spent heaps of money on the Hens night and she did nothing. I org for her to get her dress altered and then she left the Wedding Reception B$ the Bridal dance. Argh me and the Bride wish she had justy said no from the start.
Post # 9
I agree with the others. Be thankful she was honest with you. I wish I had been honest to a very close friend of mine and declined to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding. I love this girl to death, but being part of a wedding (eventhough I wasn’t expected to do any planning) was not fun and exciting for me (which it really should be when your honored as a BM). Unfortunately and very regrettably I think she could tell when the day came and we just haven’t been as close since. So maybe her choice is saving your friendship rather than ending it. And by the way, that is why im choosing to elope.
Post # 10
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I wouldn’t worry too much about it – like the others said, be glad that she was upfront and honest with you!! I wouldn’t let it affect how I treat her – she’s still your friend!!