(Closed) First Wedding Gift Arrived! Send "Thank You" now or after the wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We tried to do them as the gifts arrived so as to avoid a pile of notes to write at the end. Go ahead and send now to save a little work later!

Post # 4
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MeStephieP:  I would probably send it right away.  I think waiting too long would be inappropriate.

Post # 5
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ive been wondering about this my self… i would say do it as gifts come in that way you dont have 100 thank you cards to write at one time.

Post # 6
47 posts
  • Wedding: January 2014

I would send it right after you received it. It’s a little more considerate that way, and it saves you from having to do it later!

Post # 7
24 posts

We’re getting gifts as well and when we do, we send the thank you cards right away! So much easier to send them as they come rather than waiting.

Post # 8
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013


Post # 10
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am going to be the odd man out and say AFTER. It’s a wedding gift. You aren’t married yet. I too got something (and I know what it is) but we are waiting until after. I asked a gf who has been married a long time and thrown many showers…she said for actual wedding presents, wait until you are married to send the note.

But for engagement or shower gifts for those maybe not attending…go for it.


All this said…I think a “thank you” is appreciated any time! 🙂 But we are waiting until after. We aren’t having a traditional wedding…just us 2, in a tropical place. Not sure if that matters!

Post # 11
2426 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m in the before camp. You will not be overwhelmed this way and there is less of a chance of someone falling through the cracks too. I also kept a list to keep me in line. After the wedding, I still had just so many cards to write that I was thankful I did it before. My gift givers also appreciated the acknowledgement. 

Post # 12
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i vote now .then people won’t be wondering if you ever got their gift

Post # 13
1094 posts
Bumble bee

The gold standard for thank-you notes is to send them before you go to bed on the day that you received your gift.

These are wedding gifts: they are in a completely different category from Christmas and Birthday presents where you are supposed to wait for the day. Wedding gifts are to help you equip your home for marriage — for something that is ongoing every day for the rest of your lives. It isn’t the one particular day that is important, but the marriage. Traditionally (back when people weren’t already living in a de-facto marriage for months or years before formalizing a status-quo) the gifts needed to be opened and put in place so that the new couple would have an equipped functional home to *start* their new married life in upon their return from the wedding celebration (or from their honeymoon, if they were wealthy enough to have one.)

So open them as soon as they arrive, write the thank-you note before you go to bed, and put the gift in its proper place ready for use on or after September 21.

Post # 14
5 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

I bought a set of thank you notes that happened to sort of match the invitations. (They both had chalkboard going on.) All gifts that arrived before the wedding got that card. All gifts that arrived at or after (or really, within about a week before the wedding) get the personalized one that was ordered to completely match the invitation.


Related points to remember:

1) the thank you note also serves to let your friend know that their gift arrived safely. Especially the ones that send something a) not on the registry, or b) fragile, will want to know that it got there ok.

2) (I know this doesn’t apply to this exact gift, but…) You will ideally send another thank you note to any guests that sent a gift ahead AND came to the wedding. This happens most often with guests traveling a good distance – they send the gift directly from the store, and then come to the wedding themselves. If the gift arrives early early, you can do the pre-wedding thank you, and then send a personalized photo one to thank them for attending.

I had a LOT of out of town guests! I found this most important for the raised on classic southern charm types on my list. 😉

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