Post # 1
The title pretty much says it. I’m sitting here sobbing because I just feel really stressed and we have barely started planning.
Before we got engaged, we talked about having a low-ish budget backyard wedding at my parents’ house because we assumed we’d be paying for it all on our own. I pretty much psyched myself up for the idea of a more casual event.
After we got engaged, my parents offered to help us financially. They offered us more than I ever expected was possible, more than doubling the budget we had set for ourselves. I’m blown away by their generosity and I truly feel so grateful, but I also feel a sense of guilt. I hate spending other people’s money, but my parents insist that they planned for this and it’s a gift.
With the added financial help, we’ve started planning a more traditional wedding now, researching venues, vendors, color schemes, etc. The problem is Fiance has very few, but very specific/strict opinions, and it feels like they all contradict what I’d been picturing. I didn’t want a bridal party, he does. I wanted more light, summer colors, and he wants all the men in black tuxes (and thinks navy would be a good second color). I wanted the ceremony at a certain place, he wants it anywhere but that place. I realize in the grand scheme of things these are minor problems, but they’re really bringing me down. The more we disagree, the more I feel like his original joke about a city hall wedding doesn’t sound so bad.
Is this normal? I’m going to a bridal expo tomorrow with my mom, and I want to have fun and be excited about planning, but I’m scared it’s going to overwhelm me and I’m going to feel miserable.
Post # 2
This is one of countless compromises you will have to make in a marriage. It is his day too. You can have summer colors and dark tuxes. It might be beneficial for you both to make a list of non negotiables, then talk it out to find compromise
Post # 3
Perhaps you and your Fiance need to each make a list of the things that are most important to you. Neither one of you is going to get everything you want, but if you both priorize your choices, you will each get some of what you want.
In the grand scheme of things, some of these items just don’t really matter.
I wouldn’t want black tuxes for a summer wedding either, but not the hill to die on.
Post # 4
I agree with the previous words of wisdom. A wedding involves 2 people- 2 people who may not share the same taste in all things. The wedding planning process is really the perfect time to practice letting things go and making compromises.
Post # 5
I’ve tried the idea of making a list of non-negotiables, but he always says that he really doesn’t have opinions. I’ve asked him to describe to me how he pictures our wedding, and he’ll respond (adorably), “You becoming my wife.” I love him to pieces and obviously the actual marriage is the most important part of the day for me as well, but that response doesn’t help with planning everything. Because he says he doesn’t care, I’ll try to make decisions, and then find out he actually does have a strong opinion about something (i.e. I showed a venue I really liked and he responds that he doesn’t like it because he doesn’t want the wedding at a country club, so now ALL country clubs are out, and that would have been something good to know from the beginning). I think part of the problem is that he honestly doesn’t think he has strong opinions until I suggest something and he realizes he doesn’t like it, which I’m not faulting him for, but it does make the situation frustrating.
We’ll certainly be getting a lot of practice, it seems!
Post # 6
A stratigy that workd for us and might help you, do the research. Give him three options to chose from. Most of the time he picked what I wante most. When not we discussed it for a compromise. Your fiance is probably just as overwhelmed and confused with all the options as you.
Post # 7
That’s a good idea. Going to the bridal show last night helped clarify some things for me–it was overwhelming in the moment, but after looking through everything and reflecting on the conversations I had with vendors, I am glad I went. Fiance and I are planning on sitting down this weekend and really having a talk about everything, and I hope that’s going to clear up some things for us, like identifying priorities and looking at the budget again.