(Closed) First Year of Marriage the hardest?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Having just celebrated the 1 year mark, I can’t honestly say it’s felt any different than before we were married and living together (for 2.5 years). Except now he gets my benefits from work (yay!). Even that first living together period wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I guess everyone’s mileage will vary.

Post # 4
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have found the first year to be the easiest so far! We lived together for about 6 years before getting married and we had a lot of adjusting to do in those 6 years. We didnt change a single thing from before (still have seperate bank accounts, working the same etc). 

Post # 5
Member
3241 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m with ya on needing time to adjust to the name change. It took a bit for me to get use to my new last name. Other than that, I can’t say that the first year was difficult in any way. We do however, still maintain separate bank accounts. I suspect the combining of finances is one of the most stressful adjustments. Also for us, living together wasn’t a rough transition either, maybe because we are older or maybe because we lived apart for 18 months and we were both just really happy to be under the same roof. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Our first year has been really tough.  We lived together three years prior to marriage so that wasn’t an adjustment.  Really, we got home from the wedding and everything felt the same.  It just so happens that our relationship started to suffer due to his work travel (he travels like 45 weeks out of the year and has been doing so since 2008) after we got married and we actually talked about divorce just six months in!  It was devastating.  He got a new job that doesn’t require so much travel and we are moving to a new city and things are going great now, but our marriage was really awful for a while.

Post # 7
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

It’s actually been a bit of a struggle for us, and not so much the relationship BETWEEN us, but just different adjustments – we didn’t live together before, and had actually been long-distance before we got married, so not only are we adjusting to being married, but to living in the same city AND the same house! We’ve combined our finances, I’ve changed my name, I had to leave a job I loved to move (he’s military, so he doesn’t have a lot of flexibility)… it’s been hard, at times, to not get emotional over some adjustments. I miss a lot of friends. Plus, my Mother-In-Law likes to be dramatic so even though she lives far away, she’s made life challenging for us at times. 

But even with everything, I feel that the entire time we have been united; I feel strongly that we’re on the same ‘team’ and that makes everything manageable and overcomeable. On top of that, it is TOTALLY worth it to be married to the man I love, and I haven’t ever regretted any of the sacrifices that have been made so we can be together. 

But, hopefully, the second year we will be more settled and there will be less challenges. I can’t deny desiring that! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

We’re about 3/4 of the way through our first year and I have no complaints, though to be completely honest, very little has changed for us. We lived together for such a long time before getting married and we had already combined finances so everything besides my name pretty much stayed the same. If anything, our relationship has just gotten better since getting married. 

Post # 9
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We’re barely at our 1 month anniversary, and I feel that things have changed.  I think in the year + of planning leading up to our wedding, we were both stressed.  I was worried about everything turning out well, and of course, we were worried about money.  Now that it’s over I’m spending my time (and money) planning vacations and fun things to do with the kids.

We have not combined finances yet, but I have changed my name.

Post # 10
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We have been married exactly 3 months short of a year and I would say that so far the time we have spent married has been much easier and enjoyable than the years we were together before being married.

Post # 11
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

We still haven’t combined finances (we need to!) and had lived together the last few months before the wedding…….our 1st year anniversary is in a couple weeks, and if this is as hard as it gets, we will have a fantastic marriage! 

It has been an easy adjustment for us and we’re both very happy. But, we haven’t had financial issues, family issues, illnesses, no kids, pets, or home yet……….so I really doubt this will be our hardest year.

Post # 12
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’ve been married for about 6.5 months now.  We moved in together about 7 months before the wedding- I didn’t notice any huge changes before and after the marriage officially started since we moved in together knowing we’d be getting married.  He is the easiest roommate I’ve ever had- partly because we can’t really get on each other’s cases about much since we have many of the same faults!  So we are equally guilty of common annoying habits…

We have both separate bank accounts as well as a joint one, although we consider it all money that belongs to both of us.  He makes a lot more than I do, and I completely trust his judgement on money- niether of us has any credit card debt for which I’m grateful. We discuss everything together and are very open.

I’ve finally just started the name changing process.  It’s definitely a difficult idea to get used to.  I’ve decided that I will still use my maiden name for certain situations- such as any acting or writing gigs I may do in the future.  (My maiden name is much shorter and simpler and more marketable!)

 

Overall, I love being married.  It’s wonderful to have someone to talk to and cuddle at the end of every day.  We laugh a lot together, and it feels good to make him happy.  I like being part of a team.  I’m probably at a happier place in life than I have been in a long time.

 

The biggest adjustment was really that 2 months after the wedding, we moved across the country for DH’s exciting new job.  I haven’t been working since we moved which has been a bit hard on my spirit, but I start a day camp job this summer.  Darling Husband feels bad leaving me at home to fend for myself while he goes to work.  He encourages me to be productive.

 

We are both thankful to have each other to lean on during the adjustment of moving.

 

Post # 13
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We lived together for 2 years before we got married and our finances were already combined, so the only thing that really changed was my name (which was new, but not necessarily hard). However, we’ve been overloading on classes in school (which we weren’t doing before) and working (though not as much as we’d like to be because of the demands of the extra school), so we’ve been under a lot (huge understatement) of stress about money, school, finding a job after school etc. All this has made our first year of marriage (which is official today, yay!) tough even though none of it was really about us or our relationship and just happened to fall during our first year of being married.

I think this a problem for many couples in the early years. It’s put a strain on our relationship from time to time, but I think we’ve done well considering. I have to say though, I genuinely hope this year was the hardest. 

Post # 14
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

This year has been challenging for us, but not because of getting married. External circumstances have made things quite stressful. I’m hoping that by the end of hte summer, those will have been dealt wtih.

We already lived together and I kept my name, so the only practical change was combining finances. And that’s been great – so much easier to deal with!

Post # 15
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I honestly don’t feel any different but then again I’m only a couple weeks in.

That being said we have been together nearly seven years, lived together for nearly six years and our finances are combined. In other words we have pretty much been “married” in every sense of the word for well over five years now.

I think if everything is new and changing like housing, location, fiances, responsibilities and sharing them etc then I could easily see how all those changes at once could be overwhelming and difficult.

 

Post # 16
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

We did not live together first, so that in itself has been a little rough splitting housework evenly (still hasn’t really happened, but what can you do? I’ll take what I can get) But it’s nice having him sleep next to me every night. And I love looking next to me and seeing my lovebug, but it has been tough. In the past year we have:

  • Discovered I have an autoimmune disorder
  • Lost baby #1
  • Lost baby #2
  • Replaced a dead car (financially stressful)
  • Lost our sweet little cat to a horrible disease
  • Dealt with emotional fallout from all of the above. 

I’m thankful every day for my husband to weather the storm with, and if this is the worst year we have, I’ll be grateful, because in spite of it all, it hasn’t been so bad. I love seeing him next to me and feeling secure. He’s been such an amazing caretaker with my health nonsense, and now that I’m in a good place medically, I’m looking forward to making this year up to him somehow. He deserves it.

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