(Closed) First Year of Marriage the hardest?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Our first year started off really good.  Then I went to school full time (not bad — done that before) … and then thing just started falling apart.

First, I found out my step mom was cheating on my dad with her boss, and that they were divorcing & my dad might lose his house.

Second, his dad had a heart attack out of the blue.  We lived 1,400 miles away & dropped $1700 on immediate plane tickets.

Third, his 33 Brother-In-Law was diagnosed with colon cancer — this all happened within like 2 months of each other.

Then we made the painful decision to move by the time our lease was up the 1,400 miles, giving up our careers.  & now we’re here adjusting, halfway into year 2.

I have high hopes for year 3… lol.

 

Post # 33
Member
13563 posts
Honey Beekeeper

We’re almost through our first year, and it has been amazing. We didn’t live together before we were married so even though there were a few adjustments, we’ve had the best time being married and living together. If the first year really is the hardest, I say bring it on from here out!

Post # 34
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@AmeliaBedelia:  I think the 1st year of living together is the hardest–just because there is a lot of adjustment–but it isn’t necessarily tied to marriage

I was living with my first husband for a year before we got married–we divorced after 6 years…so that aligns with that whole 7 year itch thing…then again he was a jerk 

Post # 35
Member
5091 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Darling Husband and I have been living together for almost a year now (we moved in together about six months before our wedding).  The finances were already combined, so neither the living situation nor the joint finances were a struggle after the wedding.  However, money in general has been tight, and that’s been stressful.  We’ve also been insanely busy with some massively stressful projects since the wedding, so that put some strain on us.  However, I don’t think any of that is any harder than it will be, say, ten years down the road.

Mostly, our first year is just kind of awesome.  We’re still in awe of the fact that we get to be together forever.  <3

Post # 36
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We haven’t even been married a whole month yet, but we have been together for 9 years and lived together for 6.  Nothing has changed.  Our accounts remain separate and I don’t believe we’ll plan to combine them.  Everything was good just the way it was before we got married so I don’t see a need to change it.  I think it was more to just say we’re married than anything else.  In my eyes he was always my husband.  The one thing that has changed…I think he looks way sexier with his ring! 

Being that we have been together for 9 years…even at year 7 we continued to grow together and enjoy each other.  I figure he’s still the same guy he was before he became my Mr. so I should expect life to continue on it’s happy path.  Some people get married and expect things to be different but nothing is different other than the law recogizes you as a married couple.  He’s the same guy (unless he was being fake and hiding stuff before) and you’re the same woman before you became wifey. 

I’ve also known some people to play perfect because they are caught up in the idea of getting married instead of being themselves.  So in those cases the marriages dissolve quickly because then afterwards they realize all the little stuff that actually gets on their nerves.  Gotta accept the good and the bad and realize he is who is he (never try to change someone).  There is room for mutual compromise but I will say I’m so glad my Hubby loves me despite my flaws (and boy do I have flaws!) I do the same for him.  He may have things about him that aren’t perfect but I love him just the way he is.

Post # 37
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think the whole “the first year of marriage is the hardest” statment is kind of like “college is the best 4 years of your life.” — I don’t buy it. Darling Husband and I didn’t live together before we were married. Yes, there was some adjustment, but mostly it was just constant, incredible joy. 🙂 I think that the longer we’re married, the more challenges we’ll face. For example, having children is both joyful and stressful. I think that will be MUCH more of an adjustment. I definitely don’t think the first year will be the hardest, not by a longshot. Right now we’ve been married almost 2.5 years and we are still wildly, passionately, newlywed happy 🙂

Post # 38
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We lived together for about 1 year before marriage and we combined our finances a few months before we got married so those weren’t really adjustments. We are about 4 months short of being married 1 year and I will say that the first 6-7 months were extremely difficult for us because for the first 5 months, my Husband was still at the same job where he worked nights and it’s always been so difficult for me, but it got even harder for me to deal with after we got married. Fortunately, 3 months ago my Husband got a new job working daylight hours, but because we were both so used to working different schedules we are still adjusting to being on the same schedule. It was a big change, but a very positive change for the most part and we have recently become closer. We also have been seeing a therapist to work on our issues which has helped a lot. I would say that as of lately, we’ve been doing better than we ever have and marriage is great so I can see the longer we’re married, the more things will improve. We still currently live in a very tiny apartment which doesn’t allow us to have much time apart so that’s a struggle cuz we both really enjoy our alone time. We are planning to move to a bigger place next month though so we’re really excited about that. I don’t think that the first year of marriage is always the hardest, I really think it depends on the couple and their situation.

 

Post # 39
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think marriage is very different from just living together.  In a good way!  But it still takes adjustment.  I think it all depends on what marriage means to each person.  I take it very seriously, so we spend a lot of time together and a lot of time communicating.  Our first year was very hard – but mostly because of life circumstances.

I also used to have a lot of male friends and we moved and got married- it has beena  big adjustment, now Darling Husband is my Boyfriend or Best Friend.

Post # 40
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I have no idea if it’s the hardest or not, but it’s really freaking hard!  The biggest problem was that we were NOT ready to get married.  But done is done, and we are trying like hell to work through everything. 

Post # 41
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@rubyred605:   I’m not married yet, so I’m curious about this – what would have made you better prepared for marriage, if you don’t mind sharing?

Post # 42
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

The first year of our marriage hasn’t been that hard, but we did deal with a death in the immediate family, buying a house and my pregnancy hormones! I think it can only get easier from here on out.

Post # 43
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m only a few days in, but I dont feel any different, neither does he. I wonder when it will “hit” that we are married…right now it’s like, oh okay!

I still have to go hyphenate my name and we will combine accounts soon. I expect to feel pretty stressed over that, honestly.

Post # 44
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Man, I hope so! But I doubt it’s that much of a cakewalk for anyone. So far (amost 8 months in) it’s been just like living together before marriage (which we did for two years) except that we’re sweeter to each other and have better sex and fewer arguments.

Post # 45
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

Our first year has been difficult, but full of great things, too.  My Mom was diagnosed with a rare cancer in August, 4 months after we got married.  Due to that and other health conditions, I traveled back and forth from where we live to where she lived (1.5 hr plane ride), and spent 2-3 weeks at a time away from my husband helping to take care of her.  She just passed away about 2 weeks ago, and he has been a wonderful support to me throughout that process.  In the meantime we also bought a new house and moved, which was stressful but a happy moment in our lives, too.  I think that what we’ve been through this year has made us stronger, even if it was difficult for us to go through.  I know people always say that, but my husband’s ability to be there for me emotionally really did bring us closer.  Hoping things look up from here, even though I know I have a lot of healing to do.

Post # 46
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Very curious about this thread. We have been married for almost 6 months, been together for 8 and lived together for 3. So far this has been the hardest on me mentally of all the years we’ve been together. 

It could possibly be a multitude of things; 16 units of classes, changing my name and anxiety that developed right before the wedding. 

I had never had anxiety before but it came one w/ the stress of the wedding. It becomes difficult for me to achieve a full deep breath. I HATE IT WITH ALL MY PASSION. This last for days at a time on ocassion. 

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