First year struggles / newlyweds

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5646 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

The first thing that stands out to me is that you seem to place a lot of blame on him alone. Did you have plans for Canada day together? It seems harsh to resent him for seeing friends when he planned a lovely birthday afternoon for you only the day before. You mention you don’t feel any love from him but him hosting your friends for your birthday and cooking everyone a meal seems like a very loving act to me, as does him cooking you breakfast every day. Clearly you are in a rut that is stemming from your anxiety and probably depression but surely if you look at these things objectively you can see they are loving?

How was your relationship before marriage? All your problems sound like two people who barely know each other and struggle to communicate, was this how things were while you were living together as a dating couple?

You seem to hold a lot of resentment for him changing jobs without consulting you, while completely ignoring the fact that he did not want you to quit your job due to finances but you did anyway. I’m sure he is frustrated too, You don’t get to do that to your partner, it’s completely selfish and not fair. You should have looked for another job if you hated your current one so much.

Only you can decide if this is worth saving, but it does seem as though your mind has been made up. 

Post # 3
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee

I’m not trying to be harsh, but the two of you sound like immature petulent children who are passive aggressively expecting the other person to “fix” all the issues and be the mature adult in this relationship.  The way each of you are making decisions are always based on “me me me” and it makes your issues worse.  

Stop blaming your partner for all of his deficiencies, you CHOSE this man.  You are so focused on blaming him for all the things you feel he’s not doing/should be doing that you completely overlook the things he DOES do.  Did you even say a heartfelt “thank you” when he cooked food, etc for your Bday?  Also, planning date night every Friday and it falling apart since neither of you can keep this agreement does not make if your husband’s fault.  It doesn’t matter if you are the only one who planned anything, being upset & tit for tat over a decision that clearly does not work for either of you is what a petulent child does when they don’t get their way.  The adult thing to do would be to acknowledge that your original idea doesn’t work and then to brainstorm together for what does work (or by yourself if he doesn’t want to plan stuff with you) without getting angry, blaming the other, or silently fuming/judging that you’re the only one who does anything.

I’m sorry but one grown woman to another, you have to stop expecting your husband to fill the emotional void inside yourself and to make you happy.  That’s NOT his job, it’s not any man’s responsibility to help you feel better internally and about life.  If you chose to marry this man, you have to be a mature adult and accept 100% responsibility for the life you currently created for yourself.  And if you don’t like it, do something to change it regardless of what your partner is doing without becoming unpleasant or passive aggressive yourself.

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