(Closed) FI’s attitude towards school……

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

So sorry that you are going through this. How old are you? I’m just asking because if you are young, you might be finding out that you are on a different path than him. That is one of the scary things about marrying young, there is a chance that as you grow, he may not grow in the same direction. So you either, accept that what he wants (and is willing to do) and what you want are different and go your separate ways or you change your expectations of how your future is going to be. 

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think you guys need to have a serious talk about the implications on your finances if he doesn’t continue school. Look, I get it. I hated going to college classes, but knew i had to in order to help obtain a better future for us.  that’s what kept me going. and if he can’t do the same, maybe you need to take a hard look at your future….

Post # 5
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I hate school too. Heck, who likes school? Go to work all day and then have to go to school all night? I even have to go to school from 9-320 on SATURDAYS! You think I volunteer myself for it? UGH. Even though I don’t like it right now I know that it’s going to lead me to amazing things and experiences I wouldn’t otherwise get the chance to have. Have you sat him down and talked to him about this? 

Post # 6
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Ok, I had a really long response, but my internet messed up.

As for someone who has been in the college setting since 2000, I really feel for your Fiance. School is not for everyone. I do have a degree, but I have since gone back. I have also changed my major 4 times, like your Fiance.

School is not for everyone and I know that it is hard. Once I got to my 5th year I was lucky to be getting C’s as well, that and hurricane katrina hit and turned my world upside down. I just chose my major that I have the degree in because I wanted to get out, but ironically I went back anyway, because I was working a miserable job and needed a change. I am now in nursing school.

Growing up no one talked to me about what I should choose for a career, they told me I could do whatever I wanted so I thought I was going to be a manager in the music industry, even though I dont have the personality for that.

I understand what your Fiance is going through. It is hard to stay motivated when everyone around you is graduating and moving on and you have no clue what you want to do. It is probably really hard for you to understand because you know what you want to do and are trying so hard to reach your goal, but it is not that easy for everyone. I would just be supportive, I know that it may not be easy, but that is what being a couple is about.

My Fiance failed out of the college that we were both in and now has a great job after going to a community college and finishing his degree plan.

By The Way, you have 6 months post graduation or stoping course work to pay loans and you can apply for forrebarance.

Good luck to your Fiance. I know what it is like, but he will end up on the bright side of things no matter what happens. This is just the hard part.

Post # 7
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I also get what everyone else is saying about finances.

I would more look at, do you both really want the same things in life? (as far as if he wants to quit school if that is a huge thing for you, a Fiance that does not graduate college.)

My sister did not graduate college and has a great job, but she is one of the rare people these days.

 

Post # 9
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MsBrewer: Then you have to re-adjust your expectations. Let him know how you feel, ask him what he wants (and is willing to do) and really listen to what he says which might not be what you want to hear. If you are in it for the long haul, that means you have negoitate something that works for both of you. You can’t force him to go to school or do something just because at one point in his youth he thought that is what he wanted. But on the other hand he can’t just give up and wander around while you take care of him and his debt.

Post # 11
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Here’s what I say:

I am very similar to your fiance… I’ve withdrawn twice, and once with the intention of never going back. However, I am currently finishing up a degree as a fail-safe (I get to be a stay at home mom) just in case something ever happens.

In the case of your fiance, I’d make sure he applies for his associate’s. Then, if he does ultimately drop out, at least a good portion of his credits are “locked in” because they expire after a few years, from what I’ve been warned. Also, if he does drop out, make sure that he has a feasible backup plan… Mine is actually hair school. I’m pretty smart, but I very much prefer to work with my hands, so I think that will be my next endeavor if we ever move near one. As far as what he could do, I have no idea, but I’m sure you could figure it out as a team.

Anyway, I know it’s frustrating, but like someone else said, even if you’re very smart and earn As and Bs (like me), college just isn’t really for everyone. Good luck, this is definitely something you can work through!

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