(Closed) FI's aunt, taking issue with honoring our culture and passed relatives.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

“God speaks all languages,” so why would He be upset that you said a brief prayer in Ukrainian?

Your aunt was rude, and I’m glad you were able to find someone else to say the prayer.

Weird times.

Post # 4
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

That is really rude and I don’t understand why she made a big deal of it.

Post # 5
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

She’s not really understanding what she said, is she?  If God speaks all languages, then Ukrainian should be fine.  God understands the prayer, and that should be enough.


Post # 6
2659 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ugh. Personally I think it’s a touching gesture and will make for quite a beautiful moment during your ceremony. Don’t let her negativity and rudeness poison that moment.

Post # 7
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012 - Hacienda los Agaves

Oh, these people! It is very rude. You are praying to God but doing it in Ukrainian to honor your ancestors, I don’t understad how she can’t understand that.

I had more than my fair share (believe it was not fair at all) of opinionated relatives and by opinionated I mean rude, so I understand your frustration. It is better to just ignore her, and keep the wedding comments to the minimun around her because chances are she’ll have more opinions like these.

Good luck.

Post # 8
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Is it that she is embarrassed to speak Ukranian in front of people?  I know for my family, especially those that are not native English speakers, speaking their native language in front of a mixed gathering is embarrassing, since it points out that the family is made up of immigrants.  There’s a real taboo amongst older generations not to speak anything but English outside of the home.  If it’s that kind of thing, the taboo against using Ukranian outside of the house, or in front of strangers, then it’s not really about you, it’s about the cultural value of assimilating.  I know it’s hard to understand, and it feels insulting, but it might not be about you at all.  It seems like a lovely gesture, but I wouldn’t chalk this up to your FI’s aunt trying to slight you.  It might be a cultural/generational clash, honestly.

Post # 12
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow, yeah .. that’s really rude. She could have just said no, there was no need to shit all over your idea, which by the way is very lovely and touching, and obviously very meaningful to you. It’s your wedding, you can plan the ceremony exactly the way you want it! Jeez.


I have kind of a similar story, relating to people declining wedding ceremony honours / requests for them to participate: my aunt’s husband is a very good guitar player and he performs with a band sometimes, so I thought I would ask him if he would be willing to accompany my sister in this song she was singing as part of our ceremony. He politely declined, without saying why, and just said it would be better if I found somebody else. He’s kind of a shy guy, so I thought, ok, sure, it’s different to perform at somebody’s wedding, compared to in a bar full of people who are just chilled out having some beers. More pressure. But then later on I was talking to my aunt and she mentioned that he had ‘declined because he hates weddings. No no, he’s not shy, he just really can’t stand weddings. we both hate them’. (they are common-law) Oh! Lovely! Why was there any need to tell me that?! He was polite enough. I was kind of left feeling like ‘okayy… if you guys hate weddings so much, why are you even coming? 

Post # 14
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

wow…. that’s just so rude… hmmm, do you have any other relative that speaks ukranian?

or maybe you (or your FI) could lear how to say the words in the prayer with the help of an ukranian teacher…?

Post # 15
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

So rude.

But an easy fix. Ask someone else do do it. Anyone who speaks Ukranian. Don’t tell her about it so she can’t give any more opinions. Hopefully she will see how rude she was when it’s read out and people really enjoy that aspect of your day.

Post # 16
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Snuh99:  My family is Ukranian and while I do not speak it and do not follow a lot of the traditions, I get where you are coming from. I love to just listen to my Baba and family members speak the language. When we go to her church, I love the sights and smells. It is your wedding. Even if you were not Ukranian, if you loved the “sound” and wanted it read, no one else matters. Your day, do what you like.

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