(Closed) FIs aunt throwing kids bday party same day as our wedding should I be annoyed?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Holy passive-aggression, Batman. Yes, you are perfectly right to be irritated, however the best revenge is going to be to smile sweetly and pretend you are perfectly happy for her to do what she likes. In the end it is her poor kids who are going to suffer since it’s highly unlikely that anyone is going to pick a teenage party over your wedding. (Well, anyone who you would want to be there, anyway!) Just ignore it and don’t give her the drama she clearly wants.

Post # 3
65 posts
Worker bee

Is it customary in your parts that if kids are invited, parents also stay?

Post # 4
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 1975

future.mrs.koban:  Wth?! That was a childish and immature move on her part. Your wedding is 15 days away. She knows when the wedding is. She didn’t need to make the birthday party for the same day/evening. You’re right, she had Sat & Sun of that wekeend to have the birthday party on. She’s pissed her kids cant go (although they’re teenagers – not little kids – they don’t need a babysitter), so she is taking it out by throwing the b-day party at the same time. She RSVP yes and then no for a ridiculous reason, that’s a sheer lack of etiquette. If she had such a large issue with not having kids at the wedding, she should have RSVP’d no from the get-go.

I commend you for keeping a cool demeanor and not blowing this out of proportion. I think it’s best to just let this fizzle out. Allow her to sink in her own quick sand. You and your FI will enjoy your upcoming big day 🙂

Post # 5
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

What age are these cousins? When in their actual bday? Is your FI blood-related to the aunt or the cousins, or just your uncle?


It sounds a bit like she’s miffed her kids didn’t get invited.


Regardless of why she’s done it, I think it’s ok to be irritated.


I can see a situation where circumstances mean that your wedding day is the only suitable day for the party, and a mother choosing her children over a nephew (by marriage?). However, trying to get other family members to choose a bday party over a wedding is a bit much!

That said, don’t engage. Keep on saying nothing.

Post # 6
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

LOL that seems pretty petty of her – sorry you are dealing with this! Will FI’s uncle be attending?

Post # 7
525 posts
Busy bee

future.mrs.koban:  I would be irritated too. But she comes across as petty and childish, so you win! Laugh behind her back, be civil to her face. 

Post # 8
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think you’re allowed to be irritated. But I doubt any of your family will go to the party instead of your wedding, so it should work itself out.

Post # 9
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Yup, that’s an aunt throwing a passive-aggressive temper tantrum. No one in their right, etiquette-conscious mind would throw a birthday party for her kids on the same day as a wedding to which she was already invited and knew full well the date and family members attending. That’s ridiculous.

You’re absolutely right in not engaging with her. It already sounds like your FI’s mother is royally upset, so let her fight that battle for you. You just keep on smiling, kill people with kindness, and consider it a blessing in disguise that someone with such a negative attitude won’t be killing the good vibes on your wedding day 🙂

Post # 10
3754 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow. She is just embarrasing herself… especially when no one shows up to the party. I would be really irritated!

Post # 11
2709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

future.mrs.koban:  Not over reacting at all! I would be soooo annoyed with her! Good for you for not saying anything. Agree with PPs you can laugh about it with your FI. What a childish thing for your aunt to do hahaha.

Post # 12
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

GreenBayBee:  I would be sorely tempted to send her kids a nice card – along with a fun gift that makes incredibly annoying noises in a perfectly innocent way.

Post # 13
1911 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

She is annoying! I would definitely be irritated too. Ugh, just ignore her. Like PPs said, she’s making herself look petty and passive aggressive. I feel bad for her sons. No one will show for their birthday party because of their mom…

Post # 15
3074 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Penang1885:  +1 yeah her plan is likely going to backfire. Also who would want to miss an adult wedding to HOST a teenage party? Ugh!



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