(Closed) FI’s bachelor party was tonight

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh… my god. I’m pretty sure SO would wake up with cheese-grated nerps if he came home and told me that…

Post # 5
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think you guys just need to communicate better about this. Maybe couples counselling would be helpful.. especially because eating candies off another girl’s breasts is TOTALLY over the line and disrespectful.

Post # 7
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh my goodness, I feel for you. That would be awful. I agree with PP, couples counselling might be something to look at.

 

Post # 8
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Has your Fiance sought counselling on his own since the accident??

Is it possible that the lack of sexy-times is a result of some of his insecurities? I imagine that being through a life-changing event like that has a huge impact on his confidence. He’s not initiating because of his insecurities… then you feel rejected, which makes you not initiate… and the cycle perpetuates itself.

I agree with the other bees that counselling would be a great help.

Post # 10
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am so sorry. Don’t feel like it could have been worse – because what happened was bad enough for you! You can’t always compare to other people – sometimes we’re allowed to just not be happy with whatever’s thrown at us. FI’s bach was last night, too, and I still don’t know what happened. I only know that they took his phone when I texted him to ask if he was sleeping home or not (so I could lock up the damn house!). I never knew if he was coming home, so I locked up. Turns out he did, in the pouring rain, and had to break into the house because they never gave his phone back (and then he couldn’t call me to ask me to let him in).

Anyway..sorry to thread-jack, lol. Its just way too fresh and annoying. But have you talked to your doctor about switching medications? I was on fluoxetine (generic Prozac) and felt like you – tired, no interest. But sometimes there are other brands that might have different side-effects for you.

Additionally, as a soon to be licensed couple & family therapist, you would not believe the amount of people in therapy. Normal people, too! If you think he’ll be resistant, maybe say that you feel like you want someone to talk to and would like him to be there/like his support/etc. A lot of women get their men in that way – men are typically very resistant to counseling sessions. Once he’s in, it’s much easier to include him in conversation.

Hope you feel better as the day goes on. Has he mentioned anything since waking up?

Post # 11
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@ChantelleyLace: I’m so sorry girl ๐Ÿ™ seriously, that was a dick move on his part to come home to you and say that. Did he want to make you jealous?? And I’m sorry about the no sex deal–some couples counseling sounds much needed…

I understand what you mean about self confidence issues I’m starting to change from being that person into feeling more beautiful about who I am. Yes, I’m not tiny. No, I don’t have big boobs. But its so important to start loving who you are. Life will only get better once you start to realize what a great person you actually are. That means you need to be a little conceted at times! You need to make yourself feel great in any way you can. Actually, the bee has made me feel really great about who I am and I don’t think I would have started to change without being on the boards.

Post # 12
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I think, as others have said, that the issue is not his behavior (well it might be a symptom of it) but something much deeper.

This is your life together to share. If its not great now, its not going to get better- only harder.

Before you get married you have strong influece and I would use it. I, honestly, would tell him that you want couples and individual counseling before you get married. And stick to it.

Its his choice to go, just like it is yours, but those decisions and both of your feelings and the events that have happened effect each other. Its the responsibility of each person to do the best for yourselves and your future relationship to make it work.

Do you want to go through 30 years of marriage feeling like you are not worth being touched? That is not healthy for you or the relationship. What if you do have kids? Do you want your kids to see that mommy has a low self-esteem and then they learn the same?

Remember you are worth everything you want. But you cant expect it to show up one day. You have to work at it and that means getting help yourself and making sure your fiance gets help too.   

Post # 13
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You know how getting up and going to work every day sucks? And how going to the gym is sometimes impossible?

You’re in control here.

Here are my thoughts.., if he or you are looking at porn, there are obviously some desires there. Yes, you have to initiate. You have to initiate to show him you still need him sexually. You have to initiate to remind him that sex isn’t just the part he can’t feel. There is SO much more to it.

I’m thinking that… maybe he couldn’t feel you giving him a BJ but I’m pretty sure he could watch and I’m 100% sure he’d love it.

I know, this has nothing to do with the bachelor party thing but after I read your post, these are the things that stuck in my head.

Post # 14
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

First of all, I want to say that I’m sorry that you are feeling like this. Secondly, perhaps the candies were on a t-shirt and not directly on her boobies? Still bad, but not as bad. Not trying to justify what he did, and I think you need to talk to him about what exactly happened because he came home a little drunky and that’s never a good time to discuss feelings.  Anyway, I second what a lot of people have said and I hope that you two take time, as a couple, to heal from his accident.  

ETA: Sorry, just saw your post where you said it was probably a necklace, so diregard that point in my post. I also wanted to reiterate the importance of counseling after a traumatic accident like it sounds like happened. I am a physical therapist who has worked a great deal with people who have had a traumatic brain injury and other neurological impairments and I am shocked that his doctors didn’t mandate therapy. It is really important in the healing process, for him, you and any other caregivers. Anyway, I hope you guys can get through everything that is going on. 

Post # 15
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@lefeymw:  Do you want to go through 30 years of marriage feeling like you are not worth being touched?

THIS.

OP, I strongly, strongly encourage you to pursue counseling – alone if your Fiance won’t go – to explore these feelings before going through with marriage.

Sex is an important part of life, not just relationships.  I can’t imagine going years without feeling desireable, or habing my desires smothered by someone else.  You deserve pleasure and intimacy in your marriage, and your Fiance needs to work with you to bring sex back to your relationship before you make a lifetime commitment.

Post # 16
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@ChantelleyLace: I agree with SFreeman2187‘s post and feel that clearly there is some desire coursing through you and your Fiance, but it seems misdirected toward porn or candie necklaces. If you could put that energy towards each other, that would be grand.

Any chance of you taking different meds? I definitely feel couples counseling would work wonders, as well as counseling for yourself individually. Often, counseling acts as a med itself, helping to further your growth away from tablets and whatnot, or at least, helping to work with the meds hand in hand. You might even try small ways of being good to yourself each day – a walk in a garden, tea and a book, little things to pick up your spirits each day.

Good luck to you both.

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