(Closed) FI's best friend just passed away

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@maymorganite:  I’m so, so sorry for your fiance’s loss. It is an extremely tough situation losing someone so young, especially in the case of a suicide. One of my family friends committed suicide at 28. He had a young son and while he struggled with some issues, he gave no warning signs that things were so bad. His death was a shock to everyone. The last memory I have of him is laughing together when we were best man and maid of honor in my cousin’s wedding. That’s the image I hold onto when I look back.

The best thing you can do right now is be supportive of your fiance while he is dealing with his grief. Give him space if he needs it, be a shoulder to cry on if he needs it. Grief is a really complicated, messy process, and what he needs may change from day to day. I would just focus on being as supportive as you can. That’s all anyone can really ask for in a time like this.


Post # 4
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Honestly, I wish I had advice to give you. I can only express my sympathy. That is such a tough situation. It sounds like the reality has not set in for your Fiance yet. When my Fiance lost his aunt that helped raise him, he was like that for a little while until it actually hit him, and then all I could do was hold him when he needed me. I’m truly sorry for your loss.

Post # 5
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I am so sorry.  Just be there.  A lot of times in moments like this, nothing you can say will make anyone feel better.  I would suggest just focusing on practical needs with your Fiance.  It is hard to even think right now, so if you can help by making sure he has food, even that will be a big help.  It is just one less thing to think about while he is wrapping his brain around this.  God bless. 

Post # 6
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

All you can do is be there. 

It’s not really all that similar of a situation in the details, but my Fiance and I met about 2 weeks before my dad died– we had only hung out a few times (maybe 3 or 4?) before it happened.  It was completely unexpected, and it was really hard on my whole family. 

For my Fiance and I, this was one of the reasons we got as close as we did as fast as we did; for me– since he had never met my dad, I didn’t feel like I “had” to talk about it to him, and he never asked.  But when I did want to talk about it, he was there to listen.  Mostly he was just there for me.  And in the end, it made us stronger as a couple. 

That is my recommendation to you, instead of looking for something you can do to make it easier, or anything– just be there.  If he wants to talk, listen.  If not, then that’s ok too.  It took me 3 months from when my dad died to finally process all of my emotions, so just give him time and he’ll process things when he’s ready. 

Post # 8
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Like PP said just be there for him. Listen and comfort when you can. When my ex-BIL passed away not too long ago (he was 35 and a huge presence in my life for so long) I was devastated. I had grandparents pass but none of them had quite the impact that this death did. I cried for hours alone, with my husband, on the couch in front of my husband. He was amazing – he just said things when he could, didn’t say anything when he knew I was just getting it out and hugged me when i needed it most. Everyone deals with grief differently but I cried off and on for weeks following his death and I was so glad my husband was there for me when I just needed to talk or cry it out. We would be discussing one thing then all of a sudden I would burst into tears and just need to get it out.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. There isn’t much you can really do except be there in whatever way he needs you to be.

Post # 10
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry for what you and your Fiance are going through. My FI’s best friend passed away in March. He had a rare blood disease and passed within months of being diagnosed.  As everyone is saying, just be there. He’s going to have his moments. My Fiance has a particularly hard time when we discuss the bridal party, since a very important person won’t be there. All you can do is show him that you’ll be there to help him through this. I’m devastated because our friend was an amazing guy, but I try not to get upset around my guy so I don’t upset him. Just be strong for him, you guys will get through this.

Post # 11
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@maymorganite:  My sincere condolonces to everyone affected.  It will be a difficult time, but you’ll all get through this.

Unfortunately I’ve lost a few young friends over the years, a couple have been to suicide and another to a car accident.  It’s really hard to get your head around it.  Be ready for questions from Fiance.  It’s totally natural for friends and loved ones starting to ask “what if”.  Listen to him, hold his hand and gently assure him that there isn’t anything he could have done different.

If you need to talk, PM me, I’ll be happy to listen (or read) to you.  Stay strong.


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