(Closed) FI’s brother is a hoarder…

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: What would you do???
    Call FBIL and tell him YOU'RE helping to clean up the house. : (9 votes)
    16 %
    Call FBIL and tell HIM to clean up the house. : (3 votes)
    5 %
    Ignore the situation like everyone else. It's not your problem. : (36 votes)
    63 %
    Sell your body to get hotel money. SIGH! : (9 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 5
    7291 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    If he really is a true hoarder, then he has a severe psychological issue, that won’t benefit and could worsen by pressure or a surprise clean up.

    I guess your guests don’t have much of an option and they may be used to it? Any other family or friends who could take them for a night or two?

    Post # 6
    870 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    If there is another place for them to stay then it would probably be best. Those kids shouldn’t be in a mess like that. Maybe you could have them stay with one person for one night and someone else for another night and if you are going out somewhere for your honeymoon they could stay at your place after you leave for a night before heading home. It’s not right to let them stay in a place like that for any reason. I agree with the PP though. It’s psychological and he needs professional help.

    Post # 7
    3126 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    A true hoarder will not appreciate you coming over to “help clean up” and it will more than likely damage your relationship. I think going over there to clean is overstepping your boundaries. If you want to help, maybe look into therapy to help him since it is a severe psychological disorder. Its a different mentality that can be difficult to understand, and it will not be taken the same way as a family member coming over to help you clean your house before guests arrive. I can see him getting very upset if you  tell him you are coming over to clean since he gets upset if you try to tell him that it is messy.

    I would find other family or friends for them to stay with.

    If it doesn’t bother the family that will be staying there, though, I don’t think it is necessary for you to do anything.

    Post # 8
    146 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @TheFutureMrsLamkin:  The thing is…you can’t make someone host visitors in their house if they don’t want to…whether it’s messy or impeccable.  I agree he has some serious issues, but this is not something I would tackle or call TLC about until after the wedding.  You have enough to worry about right now.  Either take the family in yourselves, or just explain that Future Brother-In-Law (the visiting one) will have to contact others to come up with his own arrangements.

    Post # 9
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Based on what you said the brother that is coming to visit has stayed in the condo like this before, right?

    You can’t force someone to do this, nor will it help. It will just create anxiety and resentment towards you. There is a reason why 3rd parties are brought in.  You have enough going on with your wedding. This is not your concern.

    Post # 10
    1310 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Please don’t clean it up for him. You may cause him to have a complete breakdown. Having his stuff around him is an important coping mechanism, possibly his only mechanism and if you take it away things could get ugly fast. He needs psychiatric intervention badly but as long as he’s not physically hurting himself/people/animals, it’s very difficult to arrange that against his will.

    Post # 11
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    im guessing he needs professional help and you invading his space to clean it would cause him trauma.  as for the “other Future Brother-In-Law, wife and two children” staying there – who the heck puts their childrens health at risk and stay there even for a short amount of time.  you are not responsible to pay for their hotel bill but i would discuss it with them and ask if they want local hotel information

    Post # 12
    2539 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    cleaning up one room is not going to solve your problem..esp if your smelling cat pee. your Future Brother-In-Law would not want his wife and kids feel around something like that…maybe have them stay with you?

    Post # 13
    7387 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I see why your concerned but its simply none of your business. You say they have stayed there before so they know what they are heading into. Hoarding is usually a family issue. If you other Future Brother-In-Law isn’t willing to put themselves up in hotel and expose their children to dust, roach dropping and cat pee, let them. how is this your fault or responsiblity? Otherwise, find the money and get a hotel for them, but talking to the hoarder brother is pointless.

    Post # 14
    1941 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    It’s not your responsibility to pay for guests travel/hotel costs, nor should it be to clean up someone else’s house for their visit, hoarder or not! If they’ve stayed there before, it’s very likely they know what they’re getting themselves into, unfortunate as that is. This is probably one you just need to give up on, sorry!

    Post # 15
    408 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Please do not bother him anymore about this.  I had a family member that was a hoarder.  Her sister surprised her by cleaning up and that REALLY did not go over well.  And I’m pretty she went out to the trash and brought everything back in. 

    This type of disorder usually stems from pyschological trauma and this is how they cope.  He needs to see a professional. 

    Post # 16
    171 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2009

    It isn’t right of you to expect your hoarder Brother-In-Law to host another Brother-In-Law and his family for your wedding.

    Get them a cheap hotel room for $70/night…surely you can all afford that.

    The topic ‘FI’s brother is a hoarder…’ is closed to new replies.

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