Post # 1
We announced our engagement to our families… FI’s parents were good with it, my parents were excited, our friends are REALLY excited…
FI’s brother is pissed.
He told Fiance he’s wasting his life away. Also that there are “way hotter girls out there” and asked Fiance “how do you know she’s the one?”
Fiance defended his choice, but it still stings a little that his brother said that to him. I know his brother wouldn’t say this to my face; I asked Fiance what FBIL’s honest reaction was and he told me.
The thing is, Future Brother-In-Law is 19 years old. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, nor do I think he ever has had a girlfriend. He’s been pretty promiscuous. He just joined the military and started college and is just now getting into smoking and drinking hardcore. He’s thinks he’s pretty much the greatest thing since sliced bread.
I know it’s catty to mention all that, but I’m trying to rationalize his rudeness. Maybe he’s just immature.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this with a future sibling-in-law?
I just need some reassurance that maybe someday he will learn to like me and accept the fact that I’m marrying his brother in 22 months, even if I’m not the hottest girl in the world.
Post # 3
First of all, Future Brother-In-Law sounds like a peach.
Secondly, I’m sure Future Brother-In-Law isn’t the hottest guy in the world.
Finally, never take advice from someone you don’t want to be like.
P.S. Go (your) FI!
Post # 4
He sounds like a dick face. Forget about it, kill him with kindness and the fact both you and Fiance don’t need alcohol and promiscuity to be happy.
Post # 5
I’m sorry to hear that you Future Brother-In-Law is being a douchebag. Ignore it and chalk it up to as immaturity. As long as your Fiance and you are on the same page, you’ll be alright. If it makes you feel better, I can’t stand my FI’s brother. Though he’s nearly 30 years old, I’ve never met a man who acts more like a child. Everything with him and his wife is a competition with my Fiance and me, even if we want no part of it! FI proposed to me with a nice ring, the brother went out and upgraded his wife’s ring. At the dinner when we announced our engagment, he announced five minutes later they were trying to get pregnant for the first grandkid. We set our wedding date for Oct, and we hear they’re shooting for a baby for late September. WTH? There is more than enough “spotlights” to go around people. Our happy moments shouldn’t diminsh yours and vice versa. OP, be strong! In time, hopefully both your BIL and mine will grow up. If not, thank goodness there are only a few family holidays where I have to stomach his presence. =)
Post # 6
Sounds like someoneis a little jealous that the other is moving on with their lives …
Post # 7
From what you said about FI’s brother and his age, it sounds like he just doesn’t understand, his point of view doesn’t mesh with what you and Fiance have and want and that’s fine. Don’t take it to heart. Sure he should have been happy for his brother and for you and what you want, but unfortunately things don’t work out like they “should” sometimes, especially with family. I’d just let it go.
Post # 8
I think your Future Brother-In-Law really is just being immature. Hopefully once he starts growing up a bit he’ll come around and start acting normal. I think the best thing that you and your Fiance can do is just to ignore him if he keeps saying hurtful things like that, that’s the best way to get someone to stop doing something you don’t like. He might just enjoy getting a rise out of his brother and knows the easiest way to do that is to poke fun at your relationship. I know it can be hard, but really try to ignore him! (and tell Fiance and his parents the same thing).
Post # 9
He’s 19. It says EVERYTHING. I would try not to let it bother you.
MY Future Brother-In-Law is 37, single and kind of predatory with girls and always makes sly comments about how “He would hate to end up with an ugly girl just because she got pregnant.” (SO and I just had a baby after not being together very long) and whenever he says his usual pervy stuff about girls he always nudges SO and gives me a “as if” kind of look. He always talks about exes of SO that he preferred etc. I just ignore him. He’s overweight and lives with his mother so pffft
Post # 10
I’m sorry you have to deal with that. My ex’s brother said that “It’s sad my brother is dating such a retarded c***” when we were dating (for two years I dealt with that). At least you can attribute most of your problems to his brother being young and an idiot. Nineteen year old boys are just immature and rude for the most part. Don’t take it personally. Just be thankful that you’re marrying a guy who loves you and understands what is really important in life. (hint: it’s not dating the hottest girl in the world). Besides, his brother’s version of hot is waaaaay different than your fiancé’s. I’m sure your fiancé sees you as hot : ) Nineteen year old boys just want fake girls and can’t appreciate real beauty….physical or on levels that matter.
He’ll most likely grow out of it. : )
Post # 11
@Nic01: That was my first thought, too. Little brother is jealous of older brother. Possibly he also feels like he might be losing his big brother in a way and is too immature to express those concerns respectfully.
Post # 13
Are your fiancé and his brother close? Is he afraid you are taking him away?
Post # 14
By the way, the wedding is 22 months away like u said. I would just try to connect with fbil a bit, make him see the real you and as 22 months is almost 2 years away you have got plenty of time to get to know one another a bit better and if he is still acting like a kid then it’s not like you haven’t tried.
I would have however expected that your fi corrected his brother for saying that? If he hasn’t he definitely needs to.
Post # 15
He does sound like he is just too young to understand- some 19 years think drinking and partying is the best thing ever and dont understand commitment. I wouldnt let it both you too much- it would hurt though
My Fiance asked his brother to be a groomsmen and he said yes. Then after speaking to his girlfriend ( who doesnt like me too much) said he couldnt be a groomsmen and will not be coming to the wedding unless we change the guest list- We are inviting his ex wife who is one of mine and my FI closest friends.
Me and Fiance didnt think it was too much to ask if they be in the same room to share our special day- its not like we would sit them next to each other at the reception!!
It sucks 🙁
Post # 16
Don’t hold it against him, he is young.
My Fiance brother told him he is making a mistake. Decline when he asked him to be his Bestman, promised to be one of the Groom’s men, decline when he found out the wedding in on a holiday weekend. Asked my Fiance to change the wedding date when he got his invitation.
Family….we have to love them, regardless of who and what they are.