(Closed) It’s not fair that Fi wants me to move under these conditions.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Where will you have to move to?  How far is it from where you are now?

Post # 4
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

This is so hard.  FI and I are 5 hours long distance.  He has a great job with tons of opportunity for growth, just got a bonus, and has only been working there for a year.  They all love him and if he stayed there, I know he could get a great base on which to build his career. 

I got into graduate school 10 hours away from his job.  In August, I have to move there– it’s a fully-funded PhD program and I don’t think I’ll ever get this opportunity again. 

Fiance said he would come with me– he’s been really great about it but I know he’s hiding some reservations and he’s nervous that he’s going to end up following me.  I am trying to compromise by promising him that, once I graduate, we’ll move anywhere he wants. 

I have no idea what’s best in your situation.  I am so grateful for Fiance for accompanying me.  If he would have told me he couldn’t, then we would have a serious talk.  I couldn’t leave him, but I couldn’t turn down this opportunity… but I couldn’t do long-distance.  We had to rank which of our bad options was the best of the worst and choose it.  

Post # 5
39 posts
  • Wedding: December 2011

If Fiance has to keep traveling most of the time why does his partner want him near the business offices (he will be gone most of the time).

Post # 6
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

That’s an incredibly difficult situation. I’m really sorry.

Does your Fiance agree with his business partner that it would be bad for the business if Fiance based himself where you are?

Post # 8
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

The other guy and your Fiance need to start sharing the travel responsibilities. Your Fiance has been more than accomodating of the fact that his partner has a family, but now your Fiance has a family (or will soon) and this other guy needs to buck up – or someday when you have akid, your Fiance will still be doing all the travel.

It is so rare right now to have a job you love and want to do, one that also pays well and allows for you to get your Master’s. I know that I’m about to start school this month for my Master’s and eventually I will have to leave my job so that I can finish…I feel odd about not working full time and making Fiance cover our bills until I’m done, but I know it needs to happen. The only way I’m ok with it is because I’m not in love with my job. If you are happy right now with where you are, it’s not fair for you to have to give it all up.

The problem seems to lie with the business partner not being flexible. Your Fiance has done his share, now it’s time for them to come up with something that will benefit them both.

Post # 10
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@TwoCityBride:  I’m sorry you’re going through this–although it would be great if your fiance’s partner stepped up and traveled more BUT that is between them-we don’t know the details of their partnership

I think you need to have an open discussion about this without getting overly emotional–maybe there is a good reason for the move, maybe your fiance will be based more in Texas in the future and less in New York–there has to be some reason why his partner feels so strongly that he should move there



Post # 11
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would have a very difficult time moving under those circumstances too, OP.  I would say that it sounds like your Fiance needs to take a firmer stance with his business partner, but frankly it sounds like he needs to get on the same page with you first. 

Maybe you could explore some career opportunities in Texas.  Best case scenario: you find something that would allow you to move and not give up your educational and career aspirations.  Worst case scenario: you have objective proof that this would not be a prudent move for you or your career.  And then you can go from there on finding a solution.

Either way, I’d want to hash out the traveling aspect of his job before making any kind of decision.  If he’s going to be traveling all the time, what the heck is the point of having you down in Texas, away from the life you’ve built and separated from him anyway?

Post # 12
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Oh dear, that’s tough.

On one hand we move every couple years for my FI’s career and though it’s not fun, it’s necessary. He’s also gone long periods of time in which I’ll be left alone. I totally understand your frustrations with that.

Is there any way you could work in the new place? Even if it’s not your old job, anything would help keep you busy and from being resentful. Is there any way you could work from home?

I agree the partner needs to step up and do more traveling to reduce the strains on your Fiance.

Would you be able to put a time limit on the move? Say 5 years and then go home unless you both want to stay?

We try to look at every move as an adventure. It’s not always fun, but it keeps life interesting. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I hope you two can come to a mutual decision that keeps you both happy. Good luck!

The topic ‘It’s not fair that Fi wants me to move under these conditions.’ is closed to new replies.

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