- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
First, a little background information. Fiance and I have not always had the strongest relationship. We got off to a slow start when we were first dating – we were never joined at the hip like some of our friends but we always had fun and enjoyed each other’s company. It was a slow build, but we eventually grew to love each other very much. Now, over the years, despite our love for each other, we hit a couple of rough patches and seriously considered ending the relationship, but always decided to keep working at it. We were always (or so I thought) honest with each other about our feelings and our doubts.
I should also mention that about a year or so into our relationship, Fiance went to one of his friend’s bachelor parties and it involved a strip club. Fiance didn’t tell me about it, I had to found out from the groom’s mother at the rehearsal dinner. I was extremely upset, because I was way more insecure about myself and our relationship back then, and I was hurt that he hid it from me. Anyway, I reacted really badly and supposedly I threatened to end the relationship if it ever happened again, though I don’t remember this.
Finally getting to the point! Last night, out of the blue, Fiance says he needs to tell me something. So he goes on to tell me that he didn’t tell me the whole truth about another friend’s bachelor party he attended about two years ago. They did go to a strip club, but he kept it a secret because he was afraid of losing me. Ok. So, obviously, I’m more upset about him lying about it for two years than I am about the actual strip club, but I stay calm and I thank him for letting me know. Then I ask if he has anything else he feels like getting off his chest, which was probably a mistake on my part.
Anyway, he tells me he really doesn’t have any other secrets – he’s never cheated on me or even came close, there was even this one time that a friend tried to give him some girl’s number because he was having doubts about our relationship but he refused to take the number. Oh, that’s good…. WAIT. Back up. He was having doubts about us and apparently told some of his friends, but didn’t tell ME? And this is where I start to get upset.
Naturally, I ask why he was having doubts and at first he’s vague, saying it’s because we had a slow start and he didn’t know where the relationship was going. Then he says it was also maybe because he was trying to convince me to look for a new/better job and I wouldn’t. So, this really hurts my feelings. I’ve always been insecure about working a shitty part-time job while he makes great money at a software company. But I didn’t go to college and I don’t have a lot of options. I’m comfortable at my job so I’ve stayed there. I never knew it bothered him that much.
Anyway, I guess he got over it because he didn’t tell me he ever had these doubts until now. But now my feelings are really hurt. I feel like what I do isn’t good enough, like he’s somehow disappointed in me, or embarrassed by me or something. I want him to be proud to be with me. Even if these feelings of his are all in the past, I find myself really upset by the whole thing – way more upset than I am about the secret strip club thing.
So I went to bed crying last night and I haven’t spoken to him since. I’m sure I’m overreacting, I just needed to vent a little bit. If you’ve read this far, thank you! I appreciate it.