- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
He passed away late last night. In a way it was expected, but at the same time it wasn’t. He was only 71 but had been in the hospital since July. We think he might’ve had a stroke but the doctors still don’t really know what the main cause was for all of this. Since July he was carted around to different hospitals and different wings, but he never got out of bed since he was first admitted. He was in a lot of pain and definitely not happy, not really living. Half the time when we’d go to visit him he’d be too tired to talk. The other half he’d be angry and tell us to take him home right now. So in a way we’re glad that he’s not suffering anymore and is in a better place. He was supposed to be moved to a rehab facility yesterday, but instead he complained about shortness of breath and had to be rushed to the ER. We did at least get to the hospital just in time for Fiance to say a final goodbye. He died about 20 minutes later.
It’s a difficult situation for a number of reasons. He had basically been unwell the whole time I’ve been with my fiancé. I never really knew him as the fun, athletic dad I have heard so much about. He used to play softball and go to the bar with Fiance and his friends at least once a week. He was the fun, old guy at the bar. About four years ago, when Fiance and I first got together, he had a huge heart attack and was in the hospital for several months. Then he was also diagnosed with diabetes, COPD, and a plethora of other ailments. He lived alone (FI’s mom and him had been divorced since Fiance was 11) and simply didn’t take good care of himself. Fiance and his dad also had a very strained relationship. As much fun as he was later in FI’s life, growing up he was not the best dad, and there were lots of problems which Fiance is still hesitant to this day to fully talk about. But Fiance seemed to have mostly moved past that. Fiance thought of him, I think, as more of a buddy than a dad. They got along now for the most part, even though Fiance never felt particularly close to him. To give an idea of how “not close” they were, we are having a destination wedding in April and Fiance chose to do this knowing full well that his dad would not be well enough to travel. But he insisted he still wanted to have a destination wedding. It sounds awful now thinking back on it, but it was FI’s decision and he was sure that that was what he wanted. And I know while Fiance is sad that his father is gone, he’s also angry with him. He’s angry that he didn’t take better care of himself, that he never listened to doctors. He just seemed to never want to even try to get better. It sounds horrible to say that you’re mad with your father right after he’s passed away, but it’s all so complex. Something like this is never easy.
It’s a tough situation. I’m trying to be there for my Fiance as much as possible, but he’s trying to be so strong and put on a brave face. I know that no matter how mad he is or how not close they were, Fiance is really hurting right now. And I’m sad too. Even though I didn’t know his dad as well as I wanted to, he was always very kind to me.
I don’t quite know why I’m posting this here. Maybe I just needed an outlet for everything that is going on. It’s been a rough 24 hours and I’m at work right now on about maybe 4 hours of sleep. Just a really crappy day.