Post # 1
FI’s immediate family is lovely, but his extended family is nuts! Recently Mother-In-Law mentioned to her family that Fiance and I are paying for the entire wedding. They thought that was inappropriate because “the Bride’s family should pay”, and are making a fuss that Fiance and I are paying when my parents ‘could’. What year is it? Should my family also give a dowry? People are honestly crazy. I think his family is offended because my family is relatively well-off, and they think that “if they can pay, they should”. My parents don’t believe in weddings and would therefore never pay for one… but they gave us a very generous down-payment towards a house. Wow. Vent.
My new wedding philosophy: You only get opinions that you pay for. Therefore, FI’s aunt should have no opinions.
Post # 2
Good thing they’re “extended” family — it will be easy to ignore their silliness. Happy wedding planning!
Post # 3
You should definitely ignore what they say. They have no say in how you deal with your wedding, especially when it doesnt even affect them in any way. Why do they know who is paying in the first place??
Post # 4
That is very rude. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding and just like with most things in life everyone
has an opinion about things that don’t concern them. *eyeroll*
I doubt they’ll say something to your face, but if they do, remind them that they don’t have to attend. Or you know, smile and nod like they’re speaking a foreign language… People are ridiculous.
Post # 5
My wedding mantra was “Thanks for sharing your idea/opinion/ridiculous demand. However, we’ve decided to do X instead.”
Everyone thinks they get to have a say so in your wedding and letting them into your head isn’t helping you or them. Let them think what they will. You don’t have to defend your choices (or your parents choices) to anyone.
Post # 6
Tell them, yes, and the 1929 Emily Post also says the groom pays for everything the minute you leave the reception, honeymoon and all living expenses.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
I’m with you – it’s none of their business. Don’t let them get in your head about what your family should or should not be paying for!
My fiance’s family just paid for his sister’s wedding and I’m sure they’re expecting my family to do the same. My family isn’t in the best place and I am not anticipating much/any help from them. God willing, things will improve, but I’m not counting on that. If my in-laws were to have a problem with it, which I don’t foresee, it isn’t any of their business to comment on it. How rude!
Post # 8
At least they’re not trying to demand your family pay for all of their travel expenses to attend the wedding (flight, hotel, etc)
Post # 9
If there is one thing I have learned in this process, it is to let people think what they will. I’d be having an incredibly different wedding if I did everything someone else thought I should. And I would be miserable. I’d say this isn’t the last thing you will hear from them. Best to start ignorning it all now!
Post # 10
Don’t even sweat it. Sounds like a non-issue to concern yourself over as long as you and Fiance are on the same page.
Post # 11
haha, sounds like DH’s dad (he also felt my family should pay for his not invited out of town guests HE wanted at our wedding). I asked him if my father traded me for a cow. He was pretty pissed at that comment, but whatever.
Just laugh at them and move on. Times have changed.
Post # 12
Where do these people come from? I can’t even imagine making any recommendations about someone else’s wedding.
We’ve received a lot of insinuations about what we should “let [my] parents do.” Listen, I’m 34 and will be 35 by the time this wedding rolls around. My parents spent a TON of money for me to go to a really expensive college across the country from where they lived. Their priority was to get me educated and independent–not to get me married. My parents have now indicated that they’ll contribute, but they understand that we don’t NEED their money and they won’t call the shots because of it.
Post # 13
My Father-In-Law tried to pull some crap about how my parents should pay, when he found out DH and I were paying for our wedding ourselves. I mean, I was 33 and it was my 2nd wedding- so it was completely understandable that my parents weren’t paying for it. Mind your own business old man!
Post # 14
In reality, traditional etiquette also said the wedding is on the couple if the bride is already financially independent and living out of the home.
Still, on another note, I don’t understand the mentality among parents of means who plan or expect to throw or contribute to a wedding for a daughter only and not a son. Parents of daughters, just like parents of sons have spent big money on schooling. Plus, most women have to work today in order to support a home and family.
Post # 15
“My new wedding philosophy: You only get opinions that you pay for.”
Saving this one for future use!