(Closed) FI's extended family thinks "Bride's family should pay"

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
9262 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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misswhereami:  Good thing they’re “extended” family — it will be easy to ignore their silliness. Happy wedding planning!

Post # 3
894 posts
Busy bee

You should definitely ignore what they say. They have no say in how you deal with your wedding, especially when it doesnt even affect them in any way. Why do they know who is paying in the first place??

Post # 4
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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misswhereami:  That is very rude. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding and just like with most things in life everyone has an opinion about things that don’t concern them. *eyeroll* 

I doubt they’ll say something to your face, but if they do, remind them that they don’t have to attend. Or you know, smile and nod like they’re speaking a foreign language… People are ridiculous.

Post # 5
2173 posts
Buzzing bee

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misswhereami:  My wedding mantra was “Thanks for sharing your idea/opinion/ridiculous demand. However, we’ve decided to do X instead.”

Everyone thinks they get to have a say so in your wedding and letting them into your head isn’t helping you or them. Let them think what they will. You don’t have to defend your choices (or your parents choices) to anyone.

Post # 6
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Tell them, yes, and the 1929 Emily Post also says the groom pays for everything the minute you leave the reception, honeymoon and all living expenses.

Post # 7
4259 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

I’m with you – it’s none of their business. Don’t let them get in your head about what your family should or should not be paying for! 

My fiance’s family just paid for his sister’s wedding and I’m sure they’re expecting my family to do the same. My family isn’t in the best place and I am not anticipating much/any help from them. God willing, things will improve, but I’m not counting on that. If my in-laws were to have a problem with it, which I don’t foresee, it isn’t any of their business to comment on it. How rude! 

Post # 8
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

At least they’re not trying to demand your family pay for all of their travel expenses to attend the wedding (flight, hotel, etc)

Post # 9
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

If there is one thing I have learned in this process, it is to let people think what they will. I’d be having an incredibly different wedding if I did everything someone else thought I should. And I would be miserable. I’d say this isn’t the last thing you will hear from them. Best to start ignorning it all now!

Post # 10
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Don’t even sweat it. Sounds like a non-issue to concern yourself over as long as you and Fiance are on the same page.

Post # 11
1594 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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misswhereami:  haha, sounds like DH’s dad (he also felt my family should pay for his not invited out of town guests HE wanted at our wedding).  I asked him if my father traded me for a cow. He was pretty pissed at that comment, but whatever.

Just laugh at them and move on.  Times have changed. 


Post # 12
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Where do these people come from? I can’t even imagine making any recommendations about someone else’s wedding.

We’ve received a lot of insinuations about what we should “let [my] parents do.” Listen, I’m 34 and will be 35 by the time this wedding rolls around. My parents spent a TON of money for me to go to a really expensive college across the country from where they lived.  Their priority was to get me educated and independent–not to get me married. My parents have now indicated that they’ll contribute, but they understand that we don’t NEED their money and they won’t call the shots because of it.

Post # 13
8031 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My Father-In-Law tried to pull some crap about how my parents should pay, when he found out DH and I were paying for our wedding ourselves. I mean, I was 33 and it was my 2nd wedding- so it was completely understandable that my parents weren’t paying for it. Mind your own business old man!

Post # 14
14169 posts
Honey Beekeeper

In reality, traditional etiquette also said the wedding is on the couple if the bride is already financially independent and living out of the home. 

Still, on another note,  I don’t understand the mentality among parents of means who plan or expect to  throw or contribute to a wedding for a daughter only and not a son. Parents  of daughters, just like parents of sons have spent big money on schooling. Plus, most women have to work today in order to support a home and family. 

Post # 15
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
misswhereami:   “My new wedding philosophy: You only get opinions that you pay for.”

Saving this one for future use! 

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