(Closed) FI’s family asking too much!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Wait what?

FH is out of work and trying to find a job so money is tight but he can always use a great suit.

FH may only be able to take off the DAY of our wedding, not even the day before for our rehearsal due to his brother’s wedding taking up so much of his vacation days

??? If he is out of work, what is he taking days off from?

And I hate to say this, but when you accept being in a wedding, you accept the responsibilities of it- including time off. It doesnt sound as if they are being unreasonable with that request.

$140 is more than the cheapest rental, but lots of rentals- even at Mens Warehouse, would cost that so I don’t think that is really unreasonable. What are you asking your bridesmaids to buy? Many dresses, plus shoes etc cost over $150.

Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

dup

Post # 4
Member
14491 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree, $140 is about the cheapest rental at Mens Warehouse and it happens to be a Calvin Klein, the next cheaper one I think was only $10 cheaper.  Maybe since he’s the best man, it wont matter if he doesnt totally match the other grooms man and he could buy a suit – Macy’s has Alfani’s on sale for $120-$140 all the time, and CK’s for maybe $160, a little more than the rental but at least something he will have.  I was also confused about the vacation time statement…

Post # 5
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I understand being stressed out about money and lack of vacation days (that happened to my husband too – he had been unemployed for awhile and got a job about a month before our wedding. He had to work right up through Friday afternoon for our Saturday wedding). But I don’t understand why you’re fed up with your FI’s brother?  It doesn’t sound like he’s done anything wrong.

Post # 7
Member
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Relax. Breathe. This will work itself out. As and outsider I don’t think its that big of a deal, but clearly to you its touching a nerve. Seriously, it will all work out.

Post # 8
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i’m with the other girls.  i don’t see that the family is doing anything wrong here.  and if your Fiance can’t afford certain aspects of his brother’s wedding, it is HIS responsibility to bring this up with them.  they aren’t mindreaders.  maybe they don’t realize exactly HOW tight things are right now.

Post # 9
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

She said her Fiance is about to get a NEW job.  Therefore, by the time of his brother’s wedding, he will have to take vacation from said job.  Nothing confusing about that at all.

Moving on, there are plenty of cheaper places to rent tuxes.  I hate people who think everything just has to be the cream of the crop for their wedding.  Maybe OP’s Fiance accepted position of best man because he assumed his brother would take into consideration his current unemployment status (which is definitely something I would do for my wedding party, but whatever).  FCIL got married in may and her Fiance rented his tux from a formal wear shop for about $60.  It was a nice tux, served it’s purpose, even though it didn’t have a fancy schmancy label attached to it.

I don’t know why your Future In-Laws would be mad at you guys for this, though, OP.  I mean, they have to understand that you’re in a tough financial spot right now and that when your Fiance gets his new job he won’t have enough vacation to take a bunch of days off for his brother’s wedding.  If I were him, I’d attend the rehearsal and wedding, but skip the whole bachelor party thing, especially if that needs to involve taking time off of work.

Post # 10
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My husband wore a Calvin Klein suit for our wedding and we purchased it from Men’s Warehouse for $140. Seriously. You are getting way overcharged if that is the rental fee. Shop sales and look around.

Post # 11
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@crayfish: Sounds like you got a great deal, but it is not unreasonable that her FIL’s chose something that is $140 to rent – that is the average price regardless of great deals that others may have found. And taking on the tux/suit rental is part of accepting a role in the wedding party.

 

How many vacay days could the brother’s wedding be taking? Seems like it couldn’t be more than 2 or 3 days, but I don’t see anything wrong with your Fiance telling his brother that he has to be very careful about how much time he takes off since this is a brand new job.

Post # 12
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m with the others on the $140 bit…when you agree to be in a wedding you agree to the financial obligations that includes, and I would be shocked to find a rental that was substantially less than that– $100 is average in my area.

How much vacation time is needed for FBIL’s wedding? IF he’s unemployed now, surely those days are not counting against time he will accrue in the job he is starting next week? Is it possible you’re projecting expectations? If he has a new job (fingers crossed for you!) can’t he just say “Bro, I’m only going to come in the night before for the wedding/rehersal because I have no vacation time yet”?

Post # 13
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

$140 doesn’t seem that outrageous to me.

 

As far as the vacation days – I’m sure his new employer would be more than accomodating, if he offered to work extra in the weeks leading up to your wedding to “earn” hours.  Or if he offered to take leave w/out pay.  I am surprised that he didn’t mention his wedding and committments in his interview. 

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