(Closed) FI's family doesn't want to give us a guest list?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

TGold:  I would try making a list and then sharing it with the Future Mother-In-Law to see if she has anyone to add. At this point it really seems like all you can do. Then, if she does not add anyone to it, she has no one to blame but herself when they are not invited.

Post # 3
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

TGold:  I think you and Fiance need to go over the list together: his knowledge of who’s in his family, combined with your knowledge of what’s appropriate.

For instance, if you’re inviting all aunt, uncles and over-18-cousins on your side, sit down with him and make the same list for his side. Then try to work out with him if there’s anyone who doesn’t fit in these categories but is close enough that you might invite. But without any requests from them, I don’t think you’re obliged to invite any friends if his parents at all.

Post # 4
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Although with that reply you truly do not have to, I would highly suggest that you do invite them.

I was going to suggest the same…

Start with listing his –

Parents (of course)

Grandparents (of course)

Aunts and Uncles

First cousins

Second Cousins

Any close friends of the family 

Anyone he sees often


Then if there is anyone he doesn’t know or hasn’t seen in the last say 5 years, put them on a B List. I would suggest the 2 of you take the list to them and show them and then while sitting with them there, decide who should and should not be invited. 



Post # 5
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

It sounds like they’re just trying to be polite and let you invite the people YOU want to be there! 🙂 That honestly sounds pretty nice.

Post # 6
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club

I agree with MrsUPS. Start the list and share it with Future Mother-In-Law and ask her is she can help you add anyone you forgot. Ask her are these all of the aunts and uncles? What’s aunt Mary’s daughters name? And hopefully she can fill in the blanks. Maybe if she sees you want to invite these people but don’t know all of them she will see it as helping you out rather than inviting people. 

I would also also suggest doing it in person if they are close enough for that to be possible. It will make it easier to make it conversational. 

good luck, the guest list is the toughest part of the planning. 

Post # 7
2500 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Neither of our sets of parents invited anyone who were specifically there for them. We each made a list of who we wanted to invite and then showed it to our respective parents. My parents made a few suggestions of who to add on, but they were people who I would have wanted there anyway and had forgotten about. My husband’s parents said there were a couple of family members we could actually leave off so we did. If they don’t want to invite anyone, that’s fine but maybe show them the guest list – once they see it they may think of people either for you or for them. 

Post # 8
1164 posts
Bumble bee

I went through our list with both our mums in person after we’d made it so that they could add anyone we’d forgotten, maybe make the list and then do that with your Future Mother-In-Law so she can add people then rather than having to make her own list and send it to you now?

Post # 9
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Neither sets of our parents invited anyone. It was our wedding so we invited the people who we were closest to. 

We did have some of my parents family friends come to the evening reception but they certainly didn’t write us a list.

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