(Closed) FI’s family drama re: best man… please HELP! (sorry, long one here)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Ack! I’m sorry this is happening to you. The whole situation seems very immature on the part of the cousins and their mom. It’s kind of ridiculous how child-ish they’re being. You are involving them all in the wedding, so they haven’t been overlooked.

I wouldn’t change anything. Leave everyone in the roles they’re in and hopefully they can act like adults on your wedding day. I’m so sorry I can’t be more helpful!

Post # 5
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

OK well you said it yourself – you’re two weeks from the wedding. Nothing is changing now. Do you have printed programs or something like that that designate best man, groomsmen, etc. If you do then there’s your excuse right there. If not, whatever, it is what it is and they will just have to deal with it. It’s not like they aren’t going to show or anything. Your Fiance is right – he shouldn’t be bullied into changing his decision. It’s his wedding, his best man, and his choice. His aunt needs to butt out. I mean seriously, how old are these people? Get over it.

Post # 8
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I can’t believe people are fighting over this – wait let me rephrase this – I can’t believe MEN are fighting over this. Seriously? Aren’t the guys generally more laid back about this kind of thing? This really sucks that this is going this direction. My initial thought is that Fiance should stand up to these drama causing family members and tell them to suck it up, he made a choice, he’s an adult and he didn’t want to pick between family members. If he’s not comfortable standing up to family and they are adamant that a cousin must be the best man, would his friend understand? He might be willing to step down to allow the drama to stop ??? Sometimes friends are more understanding than family in times like these. I hope it works out!!!

Post # 9
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well then can you just say “I bought only enough materials to make the amount we need, I’ve already started them and I do not have the time or energy to do them again.” The fact that FI’s mom, knowing you are DIYing the programs, would have the audacity to say that it’s can be changed makes me almost madder at her than at the aunt! Can your Fiance tell his mom to get on his side with this? Jeez.

Post # 10
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I kinda agree with the cousins, their mom, and FI’s mom on this one. Your fiance should have picked the youngest cousin in the first place.

But he didn’t and there’s not much to do now. I think he should stick with the other friend as best man. I can’t imagine having to tell the other friend he has been demoted. Another option is just to not have a best man (just all groomsmen), or list them all as best men. I’ve seen that done before.

Did he have a bachelor party? Did anyone actually fulfill and best man duties?

Post # 11
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with the other ladies… It seems ridiculous to be bullied. I think he should tell the cousin to put on his big boy panties, leave his mama out of it, and just be supportive in the way he’s been asked to be supportive.  It’s ridiculous when adults act like this, and especially just a few weeks before the wedding!  if it bothered them that badly they should’ve said something when the decision was made!

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Jacqi – Why? He asked a friend who he is really close with, not some stranger instead of a cousin.

Post # 13
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Sheesh.  Before I finished reading I was thinking just make them all Best Men.  There is really no difference at this point.  You can still make them stand behind like groomsmen.  Haven’t they known all along the friend would be the only Best Man?  I’m suprised they are bringing it up now.  If your Fiance wants to stand his ground that he won’t be bullied then stand by his side.  He’s the one that will have to deal with his family.

BUT since your Fiance said to ask us, I would just make them all, or at least the youngest cousin, a best man too.  It’s somewhat what he wanted in the first place. 

Post # 14
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

@Ottawa- I think he should have asked the youngest cousin in the first place because that is who he originally wanted. It sounds like he allowed himself to be influenced by thinking the middle cousin would start a fight over that. So the friend was picked as best man to avoid conflict with the cousins. I could be wrong, but thats the impression I got from the OP.

Post # 15
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I sort of agree with Talishazwi except I say take the opposite route and call them all groomsmen.  period.  no ranking.  no best.  just the guys he chose to stand up there with him.  i mean, two weeks before the wedding it’s not like they have a lot to do anyway, right?  and then have your maid of honor hold both rings so they don’t fight about that too.   then possibly ask all of the cousins to write a group toast and take turns saying something? 

just my initial thoughts…good luck!! 

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