(Closed) FI's FAMILY IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

“Your son is being an ass right now”

-This is a very rude and disrespectful thing to say to his mother. 

Post # 3
Member
7751 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Well it sounds like they are very excitable. That said hopefully you learned your lesson, which is not to refer to your Fiance as an ass in front of his mother, lol. If this is still going on though, have your Fiance give his mom a stern talking to, telling her he’s committed to you and doesn’t want to hear any further remarks from her about her concerns.

Post # 4
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

This is why there is a golden rule to not share your private spats with your parents or his. They don’t need to know. It’s easy for you both to forgive an argument but a parent doesn’t so easily forget. In the future, I can only say keep it private especially if it’s a fight you plan to shrug off.

 

Edit to add: For damage control, I would now go to my Future Mother-In-Law and apologize profusely for putting her in that situation, explain it was a small spat, and explain you handled it wrongly but that it has been resolved. I would let her know that you won’t put her in the middle in that way again. Hopefully, she can then accept this and move on.

Post # 5
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Well, to be honest you let their nose into you business by calling him an ass. It happens though, we all have been there. From now on, don’t let them in. Tell them you are tired, sleepy, nothing to let them know you are bickering. 

Post # 6
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

How about you don’t say “your son is just being an ass” to your Future Mother-In-Law again?

Post # 7
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

I would never say that to my Mother-In-Law. And my husband would never say that to my mother. She must have been very taken aback and thinks things are worse than they are. So in the future, don’t bring up fights, or spats, or whatever to your inlaws. 

Post # 8
Member
1579 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

serinanicole:  Yikes. Well, to be honest, the best thing to do from this point forward is to not involve family in fights/disagreements/arguments/etc. It’s not worth it and in the end, does more harm than good.

I know it’s happened now, but next time she asks and you have just had a disagreement with your Fiance, I’d just say, “Oh, nothing much.  How are you?” and just keep it at that. 

It’s a learning curve. I wanted to call my mom when my husband was being an asshole during our first few months married but I learned that it doesn’t work that way anymore. It’s me and him. Not me and him and my mom and his dad and my sisters and his brother and… (you see where I’m going?) 

Just brush off her worries. Say you were just stressed and overreacted, nothing to worry about :), and go on with your lives. It’s really not her place to be questioning your marriage or relationship unless there was something drastically wrong or a serious issue she felt needed to be brought up. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your Fiance and his family, so don’t worry. She’s goign through a lot of changes too. 

Post # 9
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee

Why on earth would you make that comment to her about her son being an ass? That was really stupid on your part. You should not disrespect him to his mother like that. I don’t care how close you ate and how well you get along. You just don’t do that. Of course she is going to be concerned about you two getting married if you can openly tell her, his mother, that he is being an ass. She probably thinks that you have no respect for him and thus shouldn’t be getting married. Also, if this happens alot, which it seems like your bickering does, and you say comments to her like that, then I can totally understand why she would be concerned. 

I would advise you to stop making comments about your disagreements to anyone. Ecspecially his mother. 

Post # 11
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

I think you are completely misjudging her reaction to this if you think she wasn’t taken aback by it. Look at her reaction! She might not have said something in the moment, but clearly it affected her or she wouldn’t have said the things she did.

That or you two bicker more than you are letting on, which is giving her a reason to be worried about your marriage. Especially if she sees it first hand.

Post # 12
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think they know something you don’t about how your Fiance TRULY feels.

Post # 13
Member
6839 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Why why why would you say “nothing your son is just being an ass right now” to your FMIL?! She sounds a little over dramatic but you brought this on yourself. 

I have a fantastic relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law but I would never say anything like this to her. 

Post # 14
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I understand maybe you have different dynamics with your FI’s family, so I don’t know the details.  However, I honestly think DH’s family would also question our relationship and marriage if they heard we bicker a lot and I called Darling Husband an “ass”.  DH’s parents love me as well and treat me like their own daughter, but again, Darling Husband is their son and it’s rude to call him names in front of them.  I think his mom would be shocked and disgusted if I said.  We bicker a lot too, but we do not let our family or friends see that.  I’m not saying the bickering is detrimental to your relationship, but the inability to keep that to yourself will invite others to question the stability of your relationship, especially if you’re calling your Fiance names in front of his family members.  I think that’s a big no-no.  If you want FI’s family to stop making comments, you need to keep comments like that to yourself and don’t let them witness all that bickering.  I think your Future Mother-In-Law is truly concerned, and I don’t blame her.   

Post # 15
Member
4250 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think you dug this hole yourself.  Not trying to be rude here, but I NEVER call my husband names in front of my friends much less either of our families.  I don’t care if that is the type of relationship you have with her, any woman hearing her son called an “ass” by his fiancee, supposedly the woman who loves him most in the world other than her, that would raise red flags.  MAJOR red flags.  I also wonder if maybe there are other things going on with your relationship that he hasn’t talked to you about but has talked to his mom about…?  It’s pretty significant for her to go to him and tell him not to marry you over this one thing.

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