Post # 1
Last year my FI and I had an engagement party. For everyone who was single and over 18, we addressed it to them “and Guest” so they knew they could bring a date if they wanted. Fast forward to today, and we’re working on our guest list for the wedding. FI tells me that his sister was put off by having “and Guest” on her invitation, because it made her feel pressured to bring someone. Now his family doesn’t want any invitations to have “and Guest” on them. I’ve searched online, but I cannot find any other way to indicate that a single person may bring a date if they wish.
Now, if my FI were going to call everyone the week we’re ready to address the invitations and find out if people are in a relationship and then find out the person’s name, I would address everyone by name, but that’s not going to happen. It’s my understanding that it is totally appropriate to write “and Guest” as a way to let single people know they can bring someone. I’ve never in my life heard of anyone finding that rude.<br />
Post # 2
How about “we have reserved two seats in your honor” ?
Post # 3
This sounds like it could work in your favor. If they feel “pressured” to bring a guest, then don’t give them a +1. It makes them more comfortable and it saves you money. 🙂
Post # 4
Rappig: If they’re thinking and guest is pressure, I imagine that would be worse since now there’s a seat reserved they have to fill.
OP could you put something on the rsvp card (or have a different card for single people) that maybe says something like “I will be bringing a guest” like as a box they can check? And just address the envelope to the person alone?
Post # 5
TGold: “And guest” is only rude if you are not acknowledging someone who’s in a stable relationship. If someone is in an established relationship you should go to the trouble to address the invite to both parties. Facebook is useful for this, and if you end up making a mistake or two, at least you’ve tried.
Your FI’s sister feeling pressured because an invite said “and guest” and she didn’t want to bring anyone? That stupid and that’s on her. Don’t change anything because of that.
Post # 6
I would keep it “and guest” for everyone, except the people I know are married or engaged.
“And guest” is a standard thing. They can think it’s rude all they want, but it’s not. The sister feeling “pressured” by it can be ignored when it comes to this, because what she’s feeling/thinking is nonsense and doesn’t need to be taken seriously.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I added a business card sized insert to my invitation suite for single people that said “you may bring a guest” or something along those lines. Maybe that would work for you because it would allow you to word it so that it’s very obviously optional.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
If you couldn’t remember Uncle Bobby’s name when you were filling out the invite and just wrote “Aunt Myrtle And Guest,” then I could see why they’d be peeved. But pressured to bring a guest?? I think they’re being more than a little oversensitive. Plaster on a smile, apologize for making them uncomfortable, then just roll your eyes after they’ve left about how some people feel the need to invent reasons to be unhappy.
Post # 9
There is nothing rude about “and guest”. If she felt pressured to bring a guest, then that’s her problem. It’s your wedding, your invites… Address them however you want.
ETA: I feel that if you add “you may bring a guest card” or “we have reserved X seats for you” your not going to get an accurate head count. There’s going to be ppl that reply 1…but think, “we’ll they said I could bring a guest, so I’ll see who will come with me when it gets closer”
Post # 10
It is technically impolite. Each and every guest you invite, including “and guest” guests deserve the same treatment. That includes being invited by name.
Would it bug me, no. But it clearly bugs them. I would try to abide by their wishes and either find out names (perhaps the IL’s can find out) or just invite singles as single.
Post # 11
But if they don’t have a SO and you want them to have the option to bring a date, how on earth would you know their name? And guest isn’t rude.
Post # 12
Etiquette is clear that you should never address an invitation to ” and guest” whether there is a current dating relationship or not. You are supposed to find out the name of any intended guest and then send a separate invitation in the name of that person. So technically your FSIL is correct since if you had done that you would have discovered there is no one she wished to bring.
However, many people are unaware or ignore this rule and it is really not cool in any case for her to call you out and assume bad intentions where none existed. My guess is that if she is so ready to take personal offense where none is intended she has other issues either with you, her brother, or the wedding. Or she could be sensitive about her single status.
Post # 13
sounds like a personal problem for those offended. i would just do “and guest” anyways. that is the only way to really let guests know they can bring someone if they WANT to
Post # 14
Just a quick google, but the etiquette on the subject has not changed. This column gives some background.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
weddingmaven: So what do you do if they’re not seeing anyone and might just bring a friend/cousin/etc so they’ll have one more person to talk to? Or if they’re kinda-sorta dating two or three people but haven’t narrowed it down to one serious relationship yet? Wait until they make that decision and re-issue the invitation?