(Closed) FI’s family wants to pay for “real wedding”

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: How should we celebrate our wedding?
    FI's original suggestion: Courthouse + small dinner for ~30 guest : (113 votes)
    79 %
    FI's family: More common wedding with $40k pricetag min : (23 votes)
    16 %
    Other: Please describe below. : (7 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    459 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I voted courthouse because it sounds like that is really what you want to do. It seems like you and your Fiance will be more comfortable with that than a ‘real’ wedding. However, I must say I would jump for joy if my FI’s family gave me that offer 🙂 Good luck!

    Post # 4
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I think your FI’s original suggestion is a good compromise between both extremes, so I’d stick with that. Thank your Future In-Laws for the offer, but explain that you’ve both decided that a small wedding is better for you personally, regardless of financial reasons.

    Post # 5
    46404 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If you and your Fiance have already agreed on what you want, you both need to have the courage of your convictions and thank them for their offer and decline.

    Randy from SYTTD was on our local TV station the other day and he said ” If a couple is mature enough to get married, they need to be mature enough to have the wedding they want.” That may mean ( and often does) standing up to parents who have a different vision.

    If the FIL’s really want to host a celebration, they could host a reception at some date after you return from your honeymoon and they can make all the decisions, not you.

    Post # 6
    2254 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I vote for your plan of the courthouse and dinner. It seems to be the best compromise between you and FI’s wants. Though its very kind of FI’s family to offer to pay, there are so many things that can go wrong with this plan. The first is that wedding planning is stressful. If you didn’t want an elaborate affair to begin with any potential problem that may arise from the planning will be even that much harder. FI’s family may expect certain demands since they are paying. Lastly, the wedding will put you and your Fiance dead center in the spotlight which you seem to not be comfy with.

    Post # 7
    135 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Even though it’s lovely of his family to offer, it’s not what you want. Go with your heart!

    Post # 8
    2849 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I agree that you should go with your initial plan. That’s what you both really want!

    Post # 9
    2416 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If you don’t want to, fine. However, your reasons for not wanting a wedding aren’t really that great for not considering it. A wedding is a hassle. It does cost money. Not many people like to be the center of attention. However, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime day, something you will remember forever and may regret later. I say, be lucky you don’t have an even increased hassle by paying for it and just do it! It can be as easy and low-key as you want it to be, or not. But, if you REALLY want the courthouse wedding because it’s what you always envisioned, go for it…just don’t let a little work discourage you from a bigger wedding…parents dream of this day just as much as we do, so it’s a big deal for them too!

    Post # 10
    229 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @Tostones:  Well, no need to worry about running around because of the errands associated withthe wedding because if your Future Mother-In-Law is offering to pay for your wedding (which she is probably doing so she can invite all her family) she is going to bethe one calling the shots. She will always say that her and your Future Father-In-Law are paying for the wedding and they are going to want a say. If you dont mind her planning the whole thing I say just do it.

    Post # 11
    2143 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Does you Fiance want to have the big wedding?

    Post # 12
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Maybe your in laws can organize a wedding party celebration where they can invite more people and you can get a few gifts without it being too much hassle/pressure for you.

    I completely understand you. If it’s gonan be a big wedding it’s going to reflect on you so you’d want to have a say.

    A party on the other hand can be turned over to his mom without you having to really worry much about it. Kind of a Jack and Jill wedding shower after the fact (or before the fact even)

    Post # 13
    1941 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Stick to your guns and do what will make you and your Fiance happy. It’s your day, you’ve already come to a mature adult compromise and found a solution you’re both happy with. I second a PPs suggestion. If his parents want the whole shebang, let them plan it, but for after you return from your honeymoon. No mess and no stress for you two!

    Post # 15
    556 posts
    Busy bee

    you bolded all your cons….. i think that’s telling. courthouse + small dinner. ask his fam if they’ll give you that money for the honeymoon instead ;)… jk!

    Post # 16
    107 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Does the FI’s family think the reason you’re having a more private dinner is due to money?  Maybe they’re offering to pay because they think that a larger ceremony/reception is what you want, but cannot provide for yourselves. If so, then it should be really easy to shut that down and do exactly what you two want to do.

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