(Closed) FI’s Father Not happy

posted 7 years ago in East Asian
Post # 3
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t know much about the Asian culture either, but it sounds like it is your Fiance who needs to do the patching up with his father. From what little I do know, I know that Asian families tend to be VERY patricarchal and therefore it needs to be your Fiance who talks to his father and patches things up. It sounds like to me that your Fiance was concerned about what his father would think about marrying someone not of the same culture and that might be why he didn’t tell his father. I would have an open communication with your Fiance and find out why he really didn’t tell his father, and then I would urge him to try and fix the relationship.I hope this helps. By The Way we are date twins! PLUS my parents live right outside of Mason City! How wierd!

Post # 4
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My fiance is Chinese also. I don’t claim to be any kind of expert, because I don’t know what his parents are talking about half the time. 😉 But I do think there is a lot of facesaving stuff that goes on, at least from what I’ve gathered.

I agree that your Fiance is probably going to have to be the one to talk to his father.

Post # 5
Member
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can understand your FI’s father being very upset at not being told about a proposal that happened SIX MONTHS AGO!

I hope for your sake that this is not the tip of the iceburg with your Fiance having a tendency to procrastinate and avoid dealing with difficult issues.

I suggest it is  his responsibility to deal with his father. He can get on the phone and start talking. That would be a good first step.

Post # 7
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@amanda.marie: His parents speak decent English, but pretty heavily accented. And his mother is just a little nuts, so I don’t always know what she’s going on about, and he often doesn’t know either. He tends to just nod and then do whatever he wants.

When his sister is around, she tends to revert to English more, even though his parents speak in Cantonese to them, so them I get half the conversation. Of course she’s living with a guy now who’s also not Chinese, so I feel like I’m not the only one, at least.

Post # 8
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

There isn’t much you can do from so far away.  Your fiance should contact his Dad and work on patching things up.  You two probably should have a discussion about where things stand when it comes to him being the first to marry outside the culture and also about his Dad’s disaproval.

Post # 9
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think the problem has nothing to do with them being Asian…

Your fiance proposed almost 6 months ago, and his dad found out “just the other day”!!! From a cousin, no less! Your fiance needs to deal with this and smooth things out with his Dad. I can’t understand why no one, not your fiance, not his Mom or sister, told his Dad! That doesn’t sound very Asian.

You need to have a good long talk with your fiance. Maybe he was concerned about his Dad not accepting you, but that can’t be the only issue, unless his whole family puts things off and tries to not think about it, which is not a good thing.

 

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