- 6 years ago
We just got back from our honeymoon in Paris and I had a wonderful time for the most part. However, I am having some trust issues and not sure how to handle this moving forward as it is putting a wedge between H and I.
On the honeymoon, we had to wake up early and he set his alarm on his phone. It went off and I was half asleep and kept hitting buttons (close, open, whatever) and realized I had opened his message history. I never check up on him and didn’t think anything of it except I saw he messaged one of his female (married) friends when we touched down in Paris saying “we arrived safely!”. He also messaged his friend Dana (also married), along with the guy who is watching our dog. Not his mom, family, whatever…so this got my eyebrows up a bit.
When he was in the shower, I snooped. yes, I snooped. I told him I did it. I opened up the message history between the one female friend and him. Nothing too flirty, but there were some questionable flattery such as “Your new wife is SOOOOOOO lucky to have you” etc etc.
My blood boiled. This basically ruined my whole day and night because I didnt want to talk about it on my honeymoon.
I asked him in passing during the day if he had told anyone yet we touched down in Paris. he said Nope, no one. He noticed I was quiet, and so, after much dancing, we discussed the messages.He claims he “forgot” that he messaged three people, including the friendly married female friend.
He was very emphatic that he didnt see anything wrong with the messages and that he doesn’t think she is like that and that her and her H are solid, and I am reading into it. Also, he would never do that, yadayada.
I discuss boundaries and I guess when I started getting serious with him, I dropped my guy friends. My H is my best friend, and while professionally, I have male contacts its not like I go out for beers with them or hang out, etc.
My H maintains his relationships with both female and males, but the bulk are his former female bosses or coworkers, a few gay friends/former roommates, and he has 1 or 2 close guy friends. There have been some issues with this before, all discussed. But I am not feeling comfortable. I still wonder, why message her…then lie about it? Why the flattery on her end? We have hung out with them…now, she is very nice and her H is too…they have 2 little kids and she gushes about how happy my H seems now…yadayada…
H offered if i dont want to hang out again as a couple we don’t have to. I don’t know what t osay to that. Also, today he connected with another girl on FB…
I asked who it was-he said it is a highschool friend and he “forgot” he sent the request months ago I guess and she accepted just now. I asked if you were close. he said no. So who bother?I said to him this is the second time he has “forgot” something like this recently, and its bugging me. he got defensive (obviously) and said “If you have an accusation, just say it”.
I left the room. I am mad, hurt, confused, not sure how to handle this. I don’t mind him having female acquaintances…they are married, its not like he is hanging out with single hot chicks…but I am not comfortable.
I don’t have guy friends. I have some FB friends that are contacts, but its just that. I don’t get my H together with my guy contacts and their wives…
I don’t expect him to not look, or chat. I guess I am lost in my emotions right now, not sure of what to say to him next, where to go with this, or how to handle it. So far I don’t think I have been doing a great job, and my back is completely up with him now.