Post # 1
So, one of fi’s friends facebooked him to wonder if maybe his girlfriend could come with him.
Fi messaged him back and said that we’d had to be really strict with numbers and were tight as it was, which is true (I had to cut off lots of people 🙁 ), so it wasn’t feasible to add her.
Fi’s friend messaged back a second time, saying what if he paid for her? I think he was a little embarrassed to ask, and said he didn’t want to be a shumck, but if it was financial too that he would be more than happy to pay for her so that he could have her there. He said in both messages if not that it’s okay and he would understand.
So… recommendations? I kinda want to let him bring her (though I wouldn’t let him pay for her!). I mean, she must mean enough for him to be willing to pay for her. Lots of his friends are going so it’s not that he wouldn’t know anyone, so I think it’s sweet. Fi on the other hand is a bit stricter (just as well! If I had my way the wedding would be at 300 people now lol), but showed me the messages just now to see what I thought. Hmmm.
Maybe I should make him wait until all the RSVPs are back to see if we have space? We’re aiming for 120, but a little below that would be nice. We have 82 guests so far, 13 declined, and 54 still to hear from.
Post # 3
I think if you have space after some have declined.. then maybe, but whose to say you shouldnt invite a friend that you had on the original guest list that you had to bump off for numbers wouldnt you prefer them? I wouldnt feel obligated for her to be there..
However, if your FIs friend knew absolutely no one at the reception, then only then would i consider adding her if a no rsvp came in.. thats just me… Im a stickler for numbers.
Post # 4
I think you should wait until RSVP’s come back. Yes, it was a sweet thing for the poor guy to do, but you have to keep in mind more people = more money to dish out (obviously you’re not going to let him pay for her). Let him know the situation with the RSVP’s and if you happen to fall short of your number of expected guests, he should be able to bring her and not tip off the guestlist too much. Good luck!
Post # 5
Ditto ccranetobe & Muffins: Have Fiance let his friend know that you’d (the two of you) be happy to invite his Girlfriend if you receive less than your desired number of “yes” RSVPs. Have Fiance explain that you had to exclude a number of friends & family who you BOTH know well, so his Girlfriend shouldn’t feel like “sloppy seconds” on the invite & Fiance hopes things work out so that you can invite her. That should appease FI’s friend & FI’s desire to stick to your budget. Good Luck!
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Personally, if it were me, I would just let her come…We had a very similar situation with a friend’s wedding back in the fall where another good friend wanted to bring his gf and they wouldn’t let him. Wouldn’t even let her come down after dinner for the dancing part! It caused a lot of hurt feelings on both ends, mostly of the guy who wanted to bring his gf…If she means enough to him that he really wants to bring her this bad to ask twice, I would just say yes…But I’m a softie and a sucker for guys who love their girlfriends enough to do something like that 🙂
Post # 7
did you draw a line at “no +guests” or “couples engaged/living together/married”?
If you did, then I’d say no. If you didn’t and that +guest line was never drawn in the sand, do what you like.
I’ve had this happen to me and it’s actually really rude.
Post # 8
wait til the rsvp date (or enough nos come in); let him know that you’re putting her at the top of the ‘waiting list’ though 🙂
Post # 9
Ooohhh…this is tricky,isn’t it.
On the one hand, it’s tempting to just say “sure, bring her along”
On the other, if you have told everyone else they cannot bring SO’s (especially within the same circle of friends) and then she shows up, others might be a bit miffed (I know I would be!)
You have to be careful on this one. I dated my now husband for 7 years before we were married and I was invited to a wedding without him just after we got engaged. I chose not to go because I thought it was rude not to invite my Fiance for goodness sakes. It caused a lot of hurt feelings – tread softly in this area….
Post # 10
Thanks everyone, good suggestions 🙂
@MissACS – we never really had to draw a line, as most of our friends aren’t with someone, or are clearly serious & have been together for ages. This friend’s kinda inbetween. No-one would know whether she was originally invited or not because we’ve never had a ‘policy’ that we’ve made clear.
Do you mean you had it happen to you as a guest, or as a bride?
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
I’m of the opinion that when you’re making the guest list, you should be considerate enough to let everyone have a +1, even if that means cutting out some people. So I say let him bring her.
Post # 13
If you don’t really have any lines drawn, then I don’t see the harm in letting her come. I think it’s sweet that he’s asking and being persistent about it (though it is sort of rude to have someone ask for someone else to be invited to your wedding), but if this friend means that much to Fiance and obviously his girlfriend means a lot to him, then I would also invite her. If it makes your Fiance feel better, wait until all of the RSVPs come back.
Post # 14
I’m going to disagree with Mouse just based on the fact that having family there > letting people bring random strangers.
It’s not a consideration thing. It’s having who you want at your wedding.
If you haven’t drawn lines or defined anything in stone, then you’re golden.
Post # 15
I’d definitely invite her. In all likelihood you propbably won’t reach the 120 number anyways and there’ll be room. Even if you do, obviously it’s really important to your friend and it’s just one person!
Post # 16
If he’s a good friend I would accept his offer. But tell him to keep it on the DL to everyone else so no one catches wind that this ‘plus one’ is allowed or gets the idea that they can pay for a plus-one if they want to bring one. B/c others might ask you the same thing and if you don’t want them to bring a stranger to your wedding they’ll be mad that you let this guy.