(Closed) FI’s Friends Are Driving Us Apart, Help!

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

Hey there-welcome to the Bee. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this…I see how your Fiance is stuck between his friends and you, and while they are his bestest friends, he needs to stand up for you and support you since you will be getting married! But, at the same time, these are his buddies.. Do any of them have long-term girlfriends or anything? All of them are single? You still have one year until the wedding, so hopefully they come around by then. What does your Fiance say (you said you argued about it last night) about all this? And all of his friends are like this? There isn’t even one that is supportive? This just sucks. Hope it gets better!

 

Edit: I just wanted to add that his friends are not being “true friends” by not being supportive. Does your Fiance realize that? Does that bother him? Real friends are supportive! They need to get over themselves and realize that he’s found someone (you!) to marry and he’s happy.

Post # 5
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Boys will be boys.

Is your Fiance the first of the group to be in a serious/engaged/married relationship? It sounds like they don’t have any personal experience to draw from to even try to understand where he’s coming from. And… they are probably a bit jealous.

My Fiance was (is) a frat boy and some of his “brothers” are still the most immature idiots and don’t know how to censor what they say. But, sometimes when they say things, it’s like in “guy talk” and maybe shouldn’t be repeated to the girl without a little bit of a filter?

As long as your Fiance is true to you and behaves appropriately, I wouldn’t be worried. He and his friends will probably naturally drift apart a little bit and that’s ok! But they need to accept that. Friendships take 2 sides and he clearly hangs out with them, they need to respect his other half too.

Post # 6
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Exactly; Boys will be Boys. I agree that it sounds like he is one of the firsts in the group to be in a serious relationship/married. My Fiance is the same way so it’s been kind of hard for us to. But you just have to find a compromise. Unfortunatly; you might just have to bite your tongue for a while until it gets better. Eventually it will get better. A couple more will get in relationships and maybe even marry. It takes a lot longer for boys to mature than for us girls. So I guess I don’t really have much advice just a good ole’ pat on the back to show your not alone. I think most woman have to deal with this sometimes. It sucks; but sometimes you just have to play that role as the “cool” chick until they realize what they are missing. As long as your Fiance can stand up for himself and not disrespect you by taking their advice you should be fine. If anything; this might really test your Fiance true colors!

Post # 8
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

I think that if his friends were his true friends they would see how happy he is and support him even if they didnt like you.

Boys will be boys but there has to come a time in their lives when they realize it’s time they grow up and that includes finding someone you love and building a future with that person.

It might not help that they are still all single. just be glad that your hunny is not in the same frame of mind they are in.

Post # 9
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

If this is the meaning of “boys will be boys”

Does that mean all of my male friends aren’t actually male??

I was pretty sure they were…   *scratches head*

So, yeah, there are plenty of boys or men who respect relationships and value love and if nothing else value friendships enough to be suportive and want what is best for their friend.

But while I agree that the situation is upsetting I don’t think it’s right that you’re the one upset about it.  It’s hard having lousy friends – but it’s supposed to be hard on the guy who is friends with them not on his gf.  So, why is it hard on you?

You don’t have to interact with them much do you?

And you trust your Fiance. 

So, no problem.  Encourage your Fiance to shut up about what his friends say especially any negative things and your stress disappears.  If they start to stress your Fiance out enough he’ll ditch them. 

 

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