(Closed) FI's friend's wife is pushing to be in my bridal party…?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
47286 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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goodriddance88:  “Dear ___, Thanks for the idea. I will run it by my BM’s to get their opinion on the dress as I have already chosen my bridal party.”

Post # 3
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee

Stop her. You have already selected your wedding party. Be kind, firm, and don’t mince words.

Post # 4
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

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goodriddance88:  Since she was direct with you about wanting to be in the bridal party, I think you should be direct back rather than hinting at it.  Just explain that you have already chosen your bridal party.  You could also point out that your side has two more people as it is and you don’t want them to be further unbalanced.

Post # 5
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Who are these people. When I read about ripping up flowers and the bathroom business I assumed it was the kid, not the husband. (missed the part he is only a year old). Regardless of wedding probably best to keep your distance. Sometimes you just have to be blunt and say no

Post # 6
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

It was a bit of a struggle for me to pick my bridesmaids, it’s amazing you have people lining up! Jokes aside, you need to contain the situation and tell her no. Before she embarasses herself AND you. 

Post # 7
Member
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hang on, was this  the husband or son behaving like a child at your house?

Why is your Fiance wanting this guy in the bridal party if he finds him annoying?

As for his wife just say, sorry but I have already chosen my bridesmaids and I have plenty already 

Post # 8
Member
9426 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

are you sure he’s not gonna pick flowers from your BMs bouquets and start throwing those at you two during the wedding? :-/

Sounds like he’s quite the pice of work.  She’s a LOT better–you just have to tell her directly, as PPs said, that you’ve got a bridal party and they’ll help you take care of that stuff, but thanks so much for the suggestions.

Post # 10
Member
9426 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

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goodriddance88:  Ugh.  While it’s tempting to spell out “he’s adding one more precisely because we’re trying to balance it out” that’s a bit rude towards his friend (ADHD or not) and it also keeps the conversation going.  

You need a not-open-for-discussion closer: “Thanks again for your offer, but I’m all set on my side.”

She’ll be a bit hurt, obviously (since she’s pushing so hard she must really want it) but c’est la vie.  Unless you’re willing to add her, softened blows at this point won’t do any good. (IMO)

Post # 11
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

Time to announce you’re having an adult only wedding. That’ll leave your FH friend out of the picture.

Post # 12
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

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goodriddance88:  Is she aware that your side is already larger even with the addition of her husband?  Explaining that may help.  Otherwise, if you’ve clearly told her no, I would just ignore future hints, subtle and not-so-subtle.

Post # 13
Member
3185 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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goodriddance88:  I’d Say I am sorry but Fiance want to do it to even the numbers. I have chosen my sisters and closest friends that you have known since elementary school. And that you will not be adding anyone else to the mix.

Post # 14
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

Sweet Jesus, ADHD and inconsistent meds?! I have a nephew who has ADHD and when he misses his meds, I run and hide! I will be praying for you girl!

It seems like the wife already knows you’ve made a decision but is hoping to beg you into making an exception anyway. In this case, no amount of excuses or “gentle let-downs” are going to work. She simply just won’t get the hint (or will refuse to). Your only course of action is to make it so brutally clear that she has no way of dodging it. I would say, “I’m sorry, but my fiance’s decision to change his numbers has nothing to do with my bridal party. I have already made my final decision on my bridesmaids a long time ago. I’m so sorry, but I won’t be adding any more people.”

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